To ask if you know anyone personally who got pregnant by lying about contraception?

[Pavemw]

Just that, really. I have an extremely close friend who confided in me at new year that her 11 year old dd wasn’t actually an accident. I have known her half my life and our kids are friends. She was with this man for a short time and the relationship did not last the pregnancy although he does see his dd and has been pretty good to my friend financially.

I can’t get my head around it. This is someone who I go to for advice. She’s always empathetic and kind. I can’t even believe she would have done it and I don’t know why it’s bothering me as much as it is. I don’t know her ex, haven’t seen him in many years. I almost feel she’s lied to me too, which I know is silly. She said she was late 30s, had been told her fertility wasn’t great and had had enough of being messed around by men, so when this next one seemed keen to commit she just went for it. I know she has been treated badly in the past and has always put her heart out there only to be messed about or strung along so I can almost feel how frustrated she would have been but… to do this? I can’t imagine it as I had my two in a happy marriage. Maybe I being horribly judgmental. I can’t reconcile this with who I thought she was all these years. Am I being dramatic?!

@2025willbemytime oh gosh so you were told at some point? Did it bother you?

That may be so, but it sounds like you're trying to excuse the abhorrent actions of women who do this?

Anytime you have sex you need to expect a chance you could have a pregnancy.
I know many who fooled women by pretending to want the pregnancy and a future together. If a man wants to have raw sex he needs to expect a baby even if she says and is on contraceptives things happen. I still blame the man even if 'she' lied because ultimately he should be careful who he has unprotected sex with no matter what but most men are tom cats.

I think it's more naive to assume we don't know anyone, it's just unlikely they'd admit it.

My Ds's dad told me he'd had a vasectomy, does that count

I didn't blindly believe him, at the time doctors were small practices, our doctor knew us both by sight, first name terms, so at an appointment where the now ex came too she had asked me what I was doing for contraception so I replied "oh you don't remember? Dickhead has had a vasectomy. We don't need to do anything" What she couldn't tell me due to patient confidentiality was that Dickhead hadn't and he was lying to me.

When I went back a few weeks later saying I thought I was pregnant she told me she was expecting me.

No the equality reverse of this is women always using contraceptives even if he says he will cum outside or has had a vasectomy.
Most sensible women won't trust a stranger saying those things. If he or she isn't a one night stand shag then you hsve a problem sleeping and picking liars. The point is, your contraceptives is your own duty no matter what they say 🤡🤡🤡

My dad's mum told me she'd done it in the hope my dad would marry her. He did not.

Lived in care. Lovely. Not.

I’m not sure how many people who have “raw sex” and use another form of contraception are expecting a pregnancy.

I know the pill can fail etc, but it’s a fairly slim chance. If a woman said she’s on the pill, I’d say it’s reasonably safe to assume there’ll be no baby.

No he should still wear a condom and stop being a randy old dog.

To be fair, I fell pregnant with DC2 accidentally when my cycle went loopy after DC1 and I ovulated very early. DC1 had taken a year of extremely targeted sex to get and it hadn’t even entered my mind it could be a possibility. Luckily I don’t think DH or my friends thought it was a trap as I was deep in the throes of PND from DC1 at the time and was devastated (happy to confirm he’s the light of my life now!)

As a result I never assume anyone who claims ‘accident’/contraception fail is lying, because I thought I was an expert on all things conception after our first TTC journey and it happened to me.

That said, if someone straight up admitted to it I would judge, but I don’t think I’d end a friendship over it.

There is literally not one thing in OPs posts that suggest the man is a ‘Randy old dog’.

It's a wider discussion

Yes, two people. One woman who was quite open about the fact that she'd told her husband she'd accidentally missed a couple of pills but actually she'd just stopped taking it. And another who was having multiple ONS and telling them she was on the pill when she wasn't - she wanted a baby (had to do DNA test).

Noone.
I strongly suspect women who say this sort of thing are trying to regain a sense of control over their situation rather than they actually did it.

I got pregnant 3 months after I met my partner. I was on the pill and we used a condom. Even my Dr didn't believe me. If it has gone tits up I would probably have said anything that popped into my mind as my head was all over the place.

Why is it so wrong for woman to want babies? Isn’t that what we are supposed to do? Raise the next generation?

The overwhelming need to have children is what keeps society going. I wouldn’t judge anyone for doing this if they are self sufficient- it takes 2 to tango.

If the male doesn’t treat their partner, they need to protect themselves.

How many menu have many children by intern woman?? No judgement there though ah?

I know two or three women who conceived their third child by deceiving their husbands as to their contraceptive status. All were conceived when DC2 was starting school and pressure to return to work was coming on. One of them almost destroyed their marriage over it - she was convinced that even though she lied to him, he would be ok with it, except he wasn’t. They are still together 15 years later but he has never forgiven her and her mental health has been compromised as a result.
I also know a woman who has just given birth to a baby she conceived by deceiving her ex about contraception, faking a future with him and then taking out a restraining order/ non mol based on a pack of lies. I don’t know this man, but she has been fairly open and utterly unrepentant about her intentions and actions.

Your post doesn’t even make sense

So even if the woman has stopped taking whatever her method of contraception is, without discussion or letting him know, it’s still the man’s fault?

Surely it isn’t!

As I said to a woman colleague of mine 'so when you are going on a hot date you come OFF the pill'

She had a good laugh and she's far from being the only woman I know who has had a very enjoyable and memorable first date

It’s possible that that’s not actually what happened — maybe she got pregnant accidentally, got dumped by a guy who wasn’t ultimately interested and was very hurt, and is retrofitting 11 years later in her own mind it to make herself feel like she had more agency, and to have her child be the result of a planned pregnancy. I could see the logic if she’d had a long history of being mistreated in relationships.

It’s always the woman’s fault isn’t it 😂

@Silvertulips i do actually agree with this. My friend is a lovely mum and has put her life into raising her dd (who is also lovely!)

Yes, I know a woman who lied about being on the pill.

If men don’t want babies that badly they should put a condom on! They already know this they just don’t want to!

I had a similar experience with dd4, we were on holiday and had forgotten to bring any condoms, I was going to get the morning after pill but I convinced myself and DH that it was the complete wrong time in my cycle and there's practically no chance of me being pregnant 😬