To ask if you know anyone personally who got pregnant by lying about contraception?

[Pavemw]

Just that, really. I have an extremely close friend who confided in me at new year that her 11 year old dd wasn’t actually an accident. I have known her half my life and our kids are friends. She was with this man for a short time and the relationship did not last the pregnancy although he does see his dd and has been pretty good to my friend financially.

I can’t get my head around it. This is someone who I go to for advice. She’s always empathetic and kind. I can’t even believe she would have done it and I don’t know why it’s bothering me as much as it is. I don’t know her ex, haven’t seen him in many years. I almost feel she’s lied to me too, which I know is silly. She said she was late 30s, had been told her fertility wasn’t great and had had enough of being messed around by men, so when this next one seemed keen to commit she just went for it. I know she has been treated badly in the past and has always put her heart out there only to be messed about or strung along so I can almost feel how frustrated she would have been but… to do this? I can’t imagine it as I had my two in a happy marriage. Maybe I being horribly judgmental. I can’t reconcile this with who I thought she was all these years. Am I being dramatic?!

I don't know if either of them ultimately got pregnant by this method as we no longer really speak (unsurprisingly, given their level of morality) but I've known two Women at least 'wonder out loud' about doing this exact thing. Probably more who at least knew better than to talk about it.

It's disgusting, wildly selfish and absolutely not in the best interests of the resultant child.

I know a significant amount of men who have done this and caused pregnancy by lying about contraception.

I know of one woman who did this. I think it’s a heinous crime personally.

Yes you are being dramatic and judgemental. It’s had no bearing on your life and you are suppose to be her friend.

Yes, I know someone who "got accidentally pregnant while taking a break from the pill". Many years later her husband told me that he knew all along that it was deliberate. Doesn't really matter. They are still together, they adore their kids and something tells me they wouldn't have it any other way. Not my circus...

@schmeler i find this really surprising! Awful too as putting risk of infection out there not to mention pregnancy!

@Pandasnacks i know it doesn’t affect me in the slightest. I can’t seem to look at her in the same way, she’s so sincere and down to earth.

I know a lot of couples who were both being Laissez-faire about contraception then when she gets pregnant he's astounded and accuses her of trapping him.

In what way does this mean she’s not down to earth? She had no obligation to ever tell you this detail, it’s absolutely none of your business and nothing to do with your friendship, and it was over a decade ago! I think you need to put it into perspective. I can’t imagine loosing a friend over this when it’s so far in the past

Pretty much everyone who claims it was an accident or failed birth control.

@Pandasnacks it just seems like such an extreme thing to do, so sneaky. And she’s taken quite a bit financially from this man. I don’t want to lose her as a friend. Maybe it’s more common than I realise, luckily I was never in the situation of running out of time for dc, so I get you might make errors in judgment when under pressure.

I don't know anyone who has openly admitted to this but I do have one friend who I strongly suspect this is what happened. It's not great but I am still friends with her, it's really got nothing to do with me.

Yes I do.

I won’t say who but NOT ME! The child wouldn’t have been born if one of the parents hadn’t deliberately deceived the other and as far as one parent was concerned they were 100% not wanting anymore children but now the child is here is much loved by both parents.
parents have not been together for years now. as far as I can see (from not being in it myself) this was one event that was part of a bigger dysfunctional picture.

iv kept my opinion to myself but I felt extremely judgmental of the person who did it. And had I known before the pregnancy I would have told the other person. As it stands the other parent does know (they were the one who told me) but it’s so many years ago now none if matters anymore.

I do 😂

She's a right cow too!

I have strong suspicions that this is how my DSD was conceived

My ex boyfriend’s then partner came off the pill without telling him to have their first. They temporarily split up, got back together and not long after that she fell pregnant.

She is however now his wife and they have 2 more, she was 8 months pregnant with their second when they married.

If I was a man I'd use condoms even if a woman said she was using contraception if I 100% didn't want a child. And if I did get a woman pregnant would recognise that the money i paid her was towards the child's upbringing.

I came across a teacher who was on COCP for endometriosis. She had a (wildly uncharacteristic) one night stand where the condom split, so she got the morning after pill.
I met her at a baby group 🤪

I don't know anyone who has done this (or admitted to it anyway) and I do think it's in bad taste.

That said, I think every one should take responsibility for their own protection and any man having sex with a woman without a condom is risking it.

She hasn’t taken money off him for nothing, it’s his child too. They were not in a long term commited relationship so unless she removed the condom without telling him he new there was a risk there anyway. I’m not saying what she did is right, but you aren’t the victim here so I think it’s OTT

Yep. The person I know lied about taking the pill.

Yes of course it takes two to tango and all that, but people's actions are based on a level of risk of what they believe.

It almost destroyed the dad...he was absolutely there for the child and paid his way, but it's not a life he wanted and the woman continued to try and control and manipulate him for years when he was just trying to do his best.

I also agree it's a heinous crime

I've read posts on here. We haven't actually been trying for a baby but don't use contraceptives and are amazed when they 'find' themselves pregnant.

Yea. She told her boyfriend she was on the pill.

I'm the result.

She took 3 types of contraception though didn’t she? Not sure how that’s the same thing?

I knew someone who did this. We were both around 20 and she knew her boyfriend was planning on leaving her so she faked taking the pill. They spilt up not long after.