AIBU - friend wants hotel for wedding guests only but my mum will be looking after my newborn

[BunnyFox]

My best friend is getting married later this year and I’m currently pregnant with my first baby. Baby will be 3 months old at time of wedding and children are not invited (no problem, her wedding her wishes). The wedding is also abroad, so I’ve got my mum to come to look after our new baby in the room. The wedding hotel has no family rooms and when I rang and explained the scenario they said all I could do was book 2 x double rooms, (ok, no problem if that’s the only option).
My best friend has now asked if my mum can book another hotel in the area as she wants to keep rooms for wedding guests only. I’ve explained that I will need to be near the baby for feeds and perhaps to settle them, so would like her to be onsite. It’s my first baby and I’m trying all options and logistics as I don’t know how things will go, but I feel she’s being insensitive to my situation.

Absolutely this. If she is your best friend surely she knows your mum anyway and she should be thrilled that your mum has kindly offered to come and babysit and certainly not behaving like this. OP she is showing her true colours and id keep my money and not go. She is no friend and I'd not be offering to move my mum to another hotel.

Sorry to be blunt but she doesnt want you there and doesn't care if you don't go either.

I couldn't contemplate going with such a young baby anyway, and a destination wedding is so much faff even without a baby!

Absolutely this. No way would I drag a tiny baby and my mother abroad for a bridezilla's wedding. Too much faff and expense when she's behaving this way.

Definitely. How unreasonable of HER. Unless you can save money by booking a double room plus place for baby this is your only option. No way would my mum be going elsewhere. If friend is being awkward I'd cancel xx

There's no guarantee you'd even get a passport for the baby in time. I'd give it a miss.

I think you’ve gone above and beyond to try to attend your friend’s wedding with a newborn and she hasn’t been at all understanding so time to bow out.

She has lost sense of what is reasonable. I would explain why you have done what you have and if that doesn't suit her then you do not go.

Don't think much of your 'best friend', OP.

She sounds thoughtless and bridezilla-like.

I'd tell her you won't be attending, end of, as it's just no longer practical. If she really wanted you there, she'd be bending over backwards to make it easier for you to do so, not going out of her way to make it harder. For a party, essentially.

Your mum is travelling abroad so she can mind your baby so you can attend your friends wedding. You have arranged all this so you can attend the wedding despite having a 3mth old. Both those things are above and beyond as is, and now she expects your mum to stay elsewhere?? This is not a friend. You should be allowed to take the baby with you or your mum should be added to the guest list to help with the baby if it’s important for her to have you there. I would cancel. I assume she’s child free and just doesn’t have a clue rather than just being mean.

I wouldn't travel at all with a 3 month old. It will be miserable for you and tricky for your mum as they are often still demand feeding then. Your friend is being unreasonable and surely she can't dictate who stays in the hotel unless she has booked it exclusively for her wedding. Destination weddings are expensive and with a young baby it will be a nightmare. Make your excuses especially as the bride is being unreasonable

WTAF she is being so unreasonable! Also a newborn doesn't count when it comes to no-child weddings. They're still symbiotic at that point! Particularly if you're breastfeeding.

I’d be inclined to keep it simple with your friend and let her show her arse if she’s going to be this controlling and difficult about the incredibly reasonable and sensible plan you and your Mum have made;
”I’m afraid not, she needs to be close by and it would be both impractical and a little unfair to expect her to stay further away when she’s already doing me a massive favour so that I can attend the wedding”

She sounds utterly awful and is being massively unreasonable. I would reply that you and also your Mother have bent over backward to try and be there for her wedding however, if your arrangements aren’t suitable to her then you look forward to seeing the photos on social media, far away from such an unreasonable bridezilla!

Has anyone broke the news to her that unless she has exclusive use of the venue ala celebrity that Jackie and Liz from Scunthorpe will be judging watching her wedding from their balcony with their vodka and Fanta lemon??

Presumably her DH is going to be there so sharing a normal sized room won't be possible and the hotel doesn't have family rooms as that's what OP originally asked about.

As the bride only asked the question if your mum could stay in another hotel and it wasn’t an actual request, just reply that unfortunately it wouldn’t work if she did as she needs to be near you to look after the baby, it’s only one other hotel room

What dilemma? This is supposedly the bride's best friend! The bride's demands are unlikely to be because of a shortage of rooms. Even if it is for that reason, why make it horribly inconvenient for your best friend? How about ask someone who is not bringing a new baby to stay in another hotel?

I think your friends an arsehole . You’re trying every way to be there for her even bringing your child care now she wants your mother’s room , two words .

Yes, the bride is unreasonable- but, honestly, why are you going? She’s obviously not grateful for the frankly monumental effort and expense you seem to be willing to go to in order to get there - I’d just bow out at this point if it were me!

The hotel is presumably open to the public and will be happy to take a booking from anyone willing to pay.

Your friend is embarrassing herself.

Book a room for your mum and shale your head sadly if your 'friend' gives you any grief over it. Though I don't know how she would even know one of the rooms was occupied by your mother.

The first reply here is perfect. The friend will then be able to decide whether her priority is having OP there or for the hotel to just have wedding guests staying.

No. You can’t have your baby in another hotel. The only possible exception would be if there was a sister hotel over the road and you, mum and baby could all stay there.

I am so annoyed for you OP. She is taking the p. Who tf does she think she is! Unless she's hired exclusive use of all rooms, she can f right off. I don't think she's a good friend to you tbh, she's showing no consideration for you at all. Might be worth considering not going at all. Make up an excuse closer to the time. If not, tell her that your mum staying off site is not an option, either mother stays in same hotel as you or you don't attend wedding at all. Ask her to let you know which she'd prefer. You need to make it clear that your baby will always come first for you, not her little instagram wedding. Her level of entitlement is astounding.

Just say yes ok, and book your mum in anyway- in the extremely unlikely event that she'll ever know, say you cocked up the other booking and they wouldn't take your mum.

👩 r just don't go. I think I'd just not go.

I wouldn’t plan this far ahead tbh. I wouldn’t be calling plans for a baby that hasn’t been born yet . In your strum I would kindly decline the invitation.