AIBU - friend wants hotel for wedding guests only but my mum will be looking after my newborn

[BunnyFox]

My best friend is getting married later this year and I’m currently pregnant with my first baby. Baby will be 3 months old at time of wedding and children are not invited (no problem, her wedding her wishes). The wedding is also abroad, so I’ve got my mum to come to look after our new baby in the room. The wedding hotel has no family rooms and when I rang and explained the scenario they said all I could do was book 2 x double rooms, (ok, no problem if that’s the only option).
My best friend has now asked if my mum can book another hotel in the area as she wants to keep rooms for wedding guests only. I’ve explained that I will need to be near the baby for feeds and perhaps to settle them, so would like her to be onsite. It’s my first baby and I’m trying all options and logistics as I don’t know how things will go, but I feel she’s being insensitive to my situation.

Wow! Dump the selfish mate and holiday with your OH and baby. Cannot abide self obsessed Bride and Groom Zilla types.

Then the bride should have booked out the entire hotel as an exclusive for the wedding. There will be random guests there, so why is your mum any different? Bridezilla.

Don't go. She's only going to get more unreasonable as the date draws closer. She's being ridiculous.

This - you are being more the accommodating. Seriously is there a chance she assumed you will not be coming as the wedding is child free? You’ve gone above and beyond what most friends would do and yet she’s put another obstacle in your way

Oh I dread wedding invites, especially those abroad.

Having a very very young baby would be my dream reason not to have to go, especially if there are silly OTT wishes to follow!
What a lot of faffing around just to please bridezilla.

I’m an experienced grandma and while I would be happy to do it if you really wanted me to help you out, if I got wind of your friend’s unreasonable demands I would be questioning if this was sensible. A 3 month old is very young, god forbid if you or the baby or your mum were unwell at the time and you had to travel such a long way. While I’m sure your mum is great what if baby needs you at some point during the day? I can’t imagine bridezilla being happy for you to disappear off for a while during her special day, in fact asking for your mum to stay at another hotel seems specifically designed to make it impossible for you to slip away for a while which is just nasty rather than thoughtless. I would suggest you just say no altogether, people who want destination weddings, which is their right, have to accept that it’s just not going to work for everyone.

Unless you friend is paying for all the rooms, tough! She's being ridiculous

I agree.

Also, unless your friend block books the rooms with the hotel I'm not sure that she can stop anyone else booking a room - including random folk.

The friend isn't necessarily a bad person, just has no idea about what is possible/practical with a young baby. She'll probably look back and cringe at herself one day.

However, expecting you to turf your mum out of the hotel at the end of the night, after all the effort she is making to allow you to attend her wedding, really speaks of her character.

No, you can’t leave your baby in another hotel, tell her either your mum stays or you can’t come to the wedding.

I’d tell her the room is already booked and paid for. And the terms are no cancellations.

Absolutely ridiculous. YANBU

I bloody hate weddings for this reason, so many god awful bridezillas around.

Terrible!

Honestly, with an attitude like that from your friend I would skip the wedding.

Your friend is being a bridezilla . Maybe give her the benefit of the doubt and try to explain all the newborn logistics and problems and that it would be virtually impossible/mean to make your mum stay off site and only show up at the wedding hotel during the ceremony ( she’s not your hired help) and buzz off back to a different property after…

The bride is being unreasonable however.
The solution is for your mum to stay in your room and then nip to her hotel overnight.

Your friend has made it abundantly clear that your attendance at her wedding, really doesn't matter much to her.

I really wouldn't lower myself by going, let alone drag my baby and mother along too.

Your friend sounds massively unreasonable. I’m assuming she doesn’t have kids? Apart from anything else she has no control at all over who stays in the hotel where her wedding is taking place…I’d just tell her ‘I really don’t think it’s going to work unless mum can stay in our hotel. I’ll be so sad to miss your wedding, and I respect it is your day, but I do need to prioritise my three month old child in this decision.’ Then guys don’t do if she continues to be this way.

You say your baby will be three months - they could be only 8 or 9 weeks if late. You'll be lucky to have got them registered and a passport and first lot of jabs and have established a decent feeding routine by then. Don't go.

I reckon she is no longer a BF and you have probabbly dodged a bullet finding it out now

How were they available for you to book if the bride wanted to reserve them?
How did she find out you had booked them.

AYBU? No. I’d refuse to give up the rooms. What is she going to do? She can’t make you.

Has she paid for exclusive use of the hotel for her guests, if yes I understand as she would of paid a higher fee to reserve all rooms, if she hasn’t paid for exclusive use ask her what the difference is between your mum in a room to support a guest or another guest from a different country she’s never met?

I'd bow out of the wedding at this point.

Honestly, how small is this hotel?