AIBU - friend wants hotel for wedding guests only but my mum will be looking after my newborn

[BunnyFox]

My best friend is getting married later this year and I’m currently pregnant with my first baby. Baby will be 3 months old at time of wedding and children are not invited (no problem, her wedding her wishes). The wedding is also abroad, so I’ve got my mum to come to look after our new baby in the room. The wedding hotel has no family rooms and when I rang and explained the scenario they said all I could do was book 2 x double rooms, (ok, no problem if that’s the only option).
My best friend has now asked if my mum can book another hotel in the area as she wants to keep rooms for wedding guests only. I’ve explained that I will need to be near the baby for feeds and perhaps to settle them, so would like her to be onsite. It’s my first baby and I’m trying all options and logistics as I don’t know how things will go, but I feel she’s being insensitive to my situation.

No! It's a hotel for anyone unless your friend has exclusive hire of the whole hotel?
My cousin tried the sane telling me my 4 week old baby couldn't come with ne because it was family only and my husband wasn't invited because she'd booked it before we were together which I understand She'd booked her part of the venue for that day but there was 2 other weddings, 2 public restaraunts, cafe/bistros, bars and acres of ground to walk so my husband and 4 week old baby entertained themselves all day and didn't go into where anywhere that wasn't for public. Bride & groom crossed paths with ny husband and baby when wakking the grounds with photographer and it was all OK I popped out to the restaraunt/ bistro / room when baby needing feeding. My cousin never told ne if she had a problem ir not but its tough if she did tbh it wasn't an exclusive wedding it was a wedding at a hotel. Tell her your mum and baby stay there or you don't go

YANBU.

Your friend is completely unreasonable.

Your friend is a bitch. I’m guessing she doesn’t have any kids…

Invest the money you'd spend on that bridezillas wedding on a child trust fund for your son. The money should be spent on your child and not that nasty cow.

You are amazing to even be going to a wedding abroad with a three month old(even if they were actually invited). She should be thanking your mum profusely for even allowing it to happen. I find it unbelievable she is expecting you and your partner and mother to travel abroad and is not allowing your baby to come when they will be so young.
I would simply say to her that either your mother stays in the hotel or you sadly won't be able to come. Don't feel bad. She is supposed to be your best friend, but isn't thinking of you at all.

OP, I also wonder if your friend is likely to find fault or pressurise you in a way that makes you uncomfortable, etc if you DO go to the wedding: e.g. be cross if you feed your baby rather than run around her. It sounds like she’d be very demanding of your time…..

This she sounds like an utter pain in the arse

Honestly I wouldn't go. Save your money and your time and invest both into your baby and your lovely mum.

You've gone to extreme lengths to be able to attend her wedding, traipsing abroad with a small baby and paying for your mum to go as well. She couldn't relax her "no kids" rule to allow her lifelong best friend to bring their newborn. And she can't even "let" you have one of the 35 rooms (that she hasn't even block booked and that you are paying for yourself)?

She's an ungrateful cow. She should be so touched that you've gone to such a big effort to be there for her. I'd find it difficult to get past such selfishness to be honest and would struggle not to see it as a sign that the friendship was one sided.

OP, your ‘friend’ is being very unreasonable. Your DC must come first. Don’t fret any longer, I would simply decline the invitation explaining that the accommodation issues for your DC and DM are unacceptable and causing you worry and distress.

I think you are being very brave going in the first place with such a young baby. I'll grant your friend a bit of leeway as you appear to be the first of your friends to have a baby. But YANBU! You know this in your gut. Follow your gut.

OP just don’t go to the wedding . What if your baby is born later than due date and you have a C section? Will you honestly be able to face travelling? Her lack of understanding and kindness means that this friendship needs re-examining. There is also the logistical issue of getting a passport sorted in a timely manner for the baby as well as vaccinations etc.

Think it's all been said, what an absolute CF. Only to add that our wedding was child free but 3 of my guests had babies 2-4 months. I hired a nanny who could take the babies if they wanted. She was in a lovely big room that was also good for quiet feeding etc. If someone cares for you they will do everything they can to make to make it easy for you, especially with your first baby. That's the point really.

Your friend is being massively unreasonable - I'd not go in your position.

Your friend is being very unreasonable. You also, only need one room. Ridiculous situation. Like others are suggesting bridey needs to act like your best friend, if thats what she is. Seems she's forgotten as she's so caught up in her wedding plan and... as you say, shes inexperienced when it comes to babies. Hope she understands once you have a chat. Could you take her out for cake and explain? Good luck with everything 🙂

dont end up at seperate hotel from your mum for full week really not fair on her.

What on earth gave you the idea that this was in any way a possibility?

It reads as though you're telling OP off in advance for something you conjured up in your own head!

Is she booking the whole hotel? Probably not! Your friend is being unreasonable. Just say you can’t attend.

Be careful. I had no idea before my baby was born that I would have a physical reaction when I was far away from him. I said I’d do something for my friend which involved a journey. I cried all the way there and back. It was AWFUL. I just couldn’t handle being far away from my young baby

I can sort of see that the bride would prefer only people she knew staying in the hotel. But surely she knows your Mum?
I wouldn't bother going to the wedding personally.

With respect, you are being crazy. Stay at home with your three month old and tell your friend you'll go for a drink with her afterwards and look at the wedding pictures. You're a mum now, your priority is doing the right thing by your child and looking after your own wellbeing. Your friend doesn't even appreciate your efforts. Honestly, draw that boundary very clearly now.

Honestly OP, just don't go.

This. It's going to be nothing but stress. I wouldn't put myself out for this show.

Where did she say her mum is coming to the ceremony? She's not but her friend doesn't even want her at the hotel which is absurd.

Even if she was that's a mean thing to insist on. Her friend is already flying overseas for her wedding with a 3 month old baby and hasn't made a fuss or insist that her baby she to attend so she is bringing her mother at her own cost and yet she will insist mother just to to another hotel?

Even if the bride is paying for the room that is a very shitty thing to do.

Her wedding isn't all that important.