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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - friend wants hotel for wedding guests only but my mum will be looking after my newborn

614 replies

BunnyFox · 03/01/2025 16:33

My best friend is getting married later this year and I’m currently pregnant with my first baby. Baby will be 3 months old at time of wedding and children are not invited (no problem, her wedding her wishes). The wedding is also abroad, so I’ve got my mum to come to look after our new baby in the room. The wedding hotel has no family rooms and when I rang and explained the scenario they said all I could do was book 2 x double rooms, (ok, no problem if that’s the only option).
My best friend has now asked if my mum can book another hotel in the area as she wants to keep rooms for wedding guests only. I’ve explained that I will need to be near the baby for feeds and perhaps to settle them, so would like her to be onsite. It’s my first baby and I’m trying all options and logistics as I don’t know how things will go, but I feel she’s being insensitive to my situation.

OP posts:
buttonousmaximous · 03/01/2025 20:36

I'd say your mum needs to be in the same hotel as you and you need to be in the same hotel as the baby and the wedding. Could you share a twin room with a cot? But otherwise your friend is being unfair and I would definitely push back.

lechatnoir · 03/01/2025 20:38

stichguru · 03/01/2025 20:20

Sorry if this is upsetting, but your friend NOT being 1% "insensitive to your situation" in any way. She is organising the event to EXCLUDE you because she wants to. She's not being "cheeky" either, she making sure her plans make it hard for you to come. Don't go and drop this "not friend".

Oh give over this is utter nonsense. op has been friends with this woman for years and said nothing to suggest she's a bitch - the poor woman asked a misguided question ffs! Confused

Ellie1015 · 03/01/2025 20:39

Are you making a holiday out of it? If so definitely dont end up at seperate hotel from your mum for full week really not fair on her.

Bride is being unreasonable to ask i would not go rather than bring mum whem bride asked not too.

Blinkingbonkers · 03/01/2025 20:42

You have been friends since you were 4 but she’s not prepared to have your mum at the hotel?! I cannot believe this or that you’re prepared to be treated this way (or let your Mum be treated this way who must have known her all these years too?!). If the spectacle of her wedding is more important than her best friend being present then you should respectfully say you’ve made every accommodation but as they’re not possible you can’t make it.

Lilactimes · 03/01/2025 20:53

BunnyFox · 03/01/2025 20:30

Thank you everyone for your inputs, I’m really grateful. Just to answer some questions:
no she hasn’t paid for rooms, I’m paying for both rooms, but it’s a boutique hotel with about 35 rooms or so, so maybe that’s where her concern was.
I’ve been best friends with her since I was 4, and my mum is totally happy to come with as it’s her first grandchild and she is aware of the strong friendship me and the bride have.
I’m the first one in my close friendship group to be pregnant, so I think Bride more coming from a place of ignorance more than anything else.
I really appreciate all the great advice, being a first time mum I wasn’t sure if I was being precious or was within my rights to be annoyed.
Really grateful and thank you again. 😊

You’re so right … you’ve been friends for a really long time. She’s just not thinking straight as she has no baby experience… I’m sure it’s not personal in anyway.

Peclet · 03/01/2025 21:03

What have you said to your friend?

FluffMagnet · 03/01/2025 21:07

I bet when your friend has a baby, you'll all be expected to tip-toe around her then too. I think you need to be pretty blunt here. Frankly a newborn is far more important than a wedding day. Really consider if you want to be part of this grand celebration of her, given it is at the expense of you, your mum and your newborn.

NotThatWitty · 03/01/2025 21:09

So she doesn't have exclusive use of the hotel? What is she going to do if random Joe Bloggs books a room for a few days? Demand he leave and get another local hotel too.
Madness.

Ohnobackagain · 03/01/2025 21:12

If you were my friend @BunnyFox I’d be touched you went to all this trouble not long after having the baby. I would be making sure you could easily get to the baby and not having to dick about with cabs etc. The only way this might be acceptable is if there is a decent (and hopefully cheaper) hotel literally across the road (although other guests could stay there too). But that should be an option YOU found and decided on for yourself, not the bride. Are you invited to the wedding breakfast?

WeeOrcadian · 03/01/2025 21:18

Unless she's booked out all the rooms, she has zero say in where your mum stays
Would she tell Random McRandomFace that they can't stay in the same hotel in case her guests want a room? Thought not

Bridezilla

user1492757084 · 03/01/2025 21:25

Why do you need to discuss this with the bride?
How would the bride know where your mother were staying?

The hotel booking office should not be sharing details of who is staying in each room, with the bride - that would be a privacy issue.
You could choose to have your mother stay very close by in another hotel and walk five minutes over to your room to look after baby there but I would prefer your mother to be in the same hotel. There is the safety issue of her having to walk back at night.

mamabluestar · 03/01/2025 21:27

In addition to the Bridezilla comments; I'm actually shocked that your best friend, from being 4 years old hasn't, invited your Mum.

Delphinium20 · 03/01/2025 21:28

OP, I agree with you that your friend is simply clueless.

My bff was due less than a month prior to my wedding and she lived a day's drive away. I told her she and baby were of course invited, but I didn't expect them to come (I was a mother, so knew the newborn ropes). She kept insisting they would be there, that she wouldn't miss it. I reassured her she could cancel as new babies were overwhelming.

Two weeks after her baby was born, she called crying that she couldn't imagine how she thought she could get in a car or fly to meet me w/ a newborn, let alone attend a wedding which required an hour drive from airport. Obviously, I wasn't surprised nor upset.

Moms get it. Your friend is obviously not a mother.

LondonLawyer · 03/01/2025 21:30

mamabluestar · 03/01/2025 21:27

In addition to the Bridezilla comments; I'm actually shocked that your best friend, from being 4 years old hasn't, invited your Mum.

Good point! My Mum was invited to my best mate's wedding (and came with DH and our then 3 yr old, because there wasn't any child-less wedding malarkey). Best mate and I didn't meet until we were 14, but she and my Mum know each other fairly well.

ThePoliteLion · 03/01/2025 21:33

This is not a good friend or even a friend. I wouldn’t go to the wedding.

PokerFriedDips · 03/01/2025 21:39

Your friend is being ridiculous. Your mum being on site is the only thing that is making it possible for you to be there at all. It's an amazing sacrifice that your mum is prepared to do this for you. How dare your friend try to oust her. I think you should be very clear to your friend that if your mum can't have a room then you cannot attend her wedding. Whoever suggested upthread that the grandma should travel to a different hotel elsewhere having babysat until OP finishes partying needs their head seeing to. Unbelievable.

Jabbabong · 03/01/2025 21:41

So your friend is not paying for any of the rooms but wants to dictate where your mum can stay. Fuck that for a laugh.

Cancel both rooms and wish her a good wedding.

StormingNorman · 03/01/2025 21:41

mamabluestar · 03/01/2025 21:27

In addition to the Bridezilla comments; I'm actually shocked that your best friend, from being 4 years old hasn't, invited your Mum.

Me too. And has asked her not to stay in the hotel!

arcticpandas · 03/01/2025 21:42

@BunnyFox Can you share room with your mum? It would be less expensive... your friend is really clueless though. She ought to be happy you're making an effort to come. I don't think I would have with a baby and surely not after a comment like that so you are way nicer than I would have been...

LizzieVereker · 03/01/2025 21:51

Your friend has gone mad.
Drop her like a crunchy towel, stay home and save your money. Take your Mum out to lunch.

TubeScreamer · 03/01/2025 21:51

I’d pull out now, This ‘friend’ is treating you very unkindly.

Itsallgonesideways · 03/01/2025 21:51

I would decline attending the wedding, your baby is more important than your friend or her stupid wedding.

Would she bend over backwards to accommodate you? Probably not so don't bother twisting yourself into knots for this callous bridezilla.

BlueberrySmoothies · 03/01/2025 21:52

YANBU

I wouldn’t go if I were you. I can’t stand it when people behave like this around their wedding.

Mintearo7 · 03/01/2025 21:56

OP - based on your posts you sound like a very understanding person probably partly due to your kind Mum. Whatever the outcome I wish you all the best for this difficult situation.

LouiseTopaz · 03/01/2025 21:59

I went to a wedding when my son was 3 months old and I hated it, I left early. I just wanted to be with him. I'd tell your friend you can't go if your mum and son are not close by. It doesn't sound like your friend is being accommodating at all, I'd be having second thoughts about going and spending a large sum of money. I think it will be very difficult for you if you can't have your baby with you during any part of the wedding and you won't enjoy it.