AIBU - friend wants hotel for wedding guests only but my mum will be looking after my newborn

[BunnyFox]

My best friend is getting married later this year and I’m currently pregnant with my first baby. Baby will be 3 months old at time of wedding and children are not invited (no problem, her wedding her wishes). The wedding is also abroad, so I’ve got my mum to come to look after our new baby in the room. The wedding hotel has no family rooms and when I rang and explained the scenario they said all I could do was book 2 x double rooms, (ok, no problem if that’s the only option).
My best friend has now asked if my mum can book another hotel in the area as she wants to keep rooms for wedding guests only. I’ve explained that I will need to be near the baby for feeds and perhaps to settle them, so would like her to be onsite. It’s my first baby and I’m trying all options and logistics as I don’t know how things will go, but I feel she’s being insensitive to my situation.

I'd tell the bride "Well, I can free up TWO rooms for you, given that is how you feel. Have a nice wedding, zilla."

Or reply.
Fuck off you mad bitch!

Your friend is a selfish dickhead! I honestly couldn’t be friends either someone like her.
Weddings are fucking ridiculous these days.

Politely decline the wedding OP, and save yourself a load of unnecessary grief.

YANBU. When I got married one of my bridesmaids had a 5 month old baby. I paid for her parents to come to the wedding to look after the baby whilst he was at the wedding and so that they got a meal, and paid for them to stay over too in the same hotel. She sounds like a friend you don’t need.

We still went, because it was my ex's best friend. And I asked the same question about the hotel, I just assumed that as it was in a small village where the bride grew up he had some sway. We also booked directly with the hotel so probably it was easier for the groom to cancel.

I flew to another country to attend a wedding with a just under 3mo baby, the baby attended the wedding along with my family. It was hard work but I had the support of the bride, groom and everyone else around me. In your situation there's no way I'd be going.

As an aside... wtaf??? There's no way on earth as a bride I wouldn't be inviting your mum to the wedding, let alone telling you she can't stay in the hotel!! Bridezilla needs to take a reality check.

I find that very cheaky from your friend and think I would end up not going at all.

Speaking as someone who took her 7-week-old to a different continent for a wedding of a friend with no further hulp:

WTF is wrong with your friend? Abort mission, cancel the travel. She's so far beyond the pale that I would not spend money and newborn time on that.

TBH all this sounds like a total ball ache.

Your friend is being massively unreasonable

Do you know if she has 'sole use' of the hotel?

At 12 weeks with my DC1, I wouldn't have been able to attend this wedding even with help and in the UK. I had an ECS and needed time to recover.

Can you revise your plans and not go?

I agree with this.

I think this hotel development provides an opportunity to duck out.

Bridezilla doesn’t own the hotel. Anyone is at liberty to book a room. I’m struggling to see why Bridezilla is concerned where your mother might be staying at - is she concerned that the hotel might get fully booked out prior to all the wedding guests booking a room? If so, tough shit.

This was the perfect moment to say absolutely, I fully understand but unfortunately that means I won’t be able to make it, I’m so sorry but have a fabulous day!

Unless she's paying for the rooms she does not get to decide who stays there

Your friend is being very unreasonable! She can’t have hotel all to herself. Your plan to bring your mum seems really practical.
Did you ask your friend if you could bring your baby to the actual wedding? A babe in arms is very different to bringing a 5 year old along. Babies as young as 3 months, imo, dont count when it says ‘no children’.

OP have you booked everything already? I would be really wary about booking anything within 3 months of giving birth. I’m a bit of a pessimist and would worry about problems during or after the birth (for context I had PPD after DC2 probably made worse by his health problems which needed hospital stays in the first few months)

100% do not go. No way I'd have been up for it at 3 months post partum anyway - and did lots of travel later in mat leave so consider myself fairly adventurous.

Your friend wants you at her wedding, but she very much doesn't want your mum and baby there. Not even in the same hotel as her!

It seems crazy to me to be considering going, let alone trying to make compromises. Your baby might be three months, maybe a little younger. You might be fine with leaving your little baby somewhere else, you might not. You might actually feel distressed at the thought of your baby parted from you. Some new parents are OK with leaving their baby with someone else, especially someone they can trust - but you never know, you really might not be. (I say this because I wasn't, which I wasn't expecting. I thought I would be fine leaving DS with a babysitter I knew implicitly but it turned out I found it really upsetting being apart from him)

Vaccinations, passports, aeroplanes and airports, taxis, different hotels... nah. The faff* isn't worth it, even if baby was invited - and they're not, they're not welcome at all!

*The expense is also hideous, at a time when you won't actually want to spend what you have on flights and accommodation

Outrageous. No way would I be going to this.

These are not real friendships. Don't go with a baby abroad for someone's random wedding who clearly hates your baby

Sorry if this is upsetting, but your friend NOT being 1% "insensitive to your situation" in any way. She is organising the event to EXCLUDE you because she wants to. She's not being "cheeky" either, she making sure her plans make it hard for you to come. Don't go and drop this "not friend".

Your "friend" I use the term loosely is ridiculous. Your mum obviously needs to be in the same hotel, otherwise after the wedding you fo back to your room and your mum has to go to another hotel! I honestly wouldn't go to the wedding. What a bridezilla.

You might not be getting so see much of the wedding anyway, if the baby is clingy.

Thank you everyone for your inputs, I’m really grateful. Just to answer some questions:
no she hasn’t paid for rooms, I’m paying for both rooms, but it’s a boutique hotel with about 35 rooms or so, so maybe that’s where her concern was.
I’ve been best friends with her since I was 4, and my mum is totally happy to come with as it’s her first grandchild and she is aware of the strong friendship me and the bride have.
I’m the first one in my close friendship group to be pregnant, so I think Bride more coming from a place of ignorance more than anything else.
I really appreciate all the great advice, being a first time mum I wasn’t sure if I was being precious or was within my rights to be annoyed.
Really grateful and thank you again. 😊

Tell your friend that your being at her wedding is absolutely conditional on being under the same roof and a few steps from your baby. The idea that he/she and Granny should be hived off to a separate postcode is potty, especially if you factor in feeds, Granny's need for breaks etc. Most of all, I'm struck by your friend's utter self-absorption. Should you behave as if your baby doesn't exist so as to accommodate her? It seems that she thinks so.

In a nutshell.