AIBU - friend wants hotel for wedding guests only but my mum will be looking after my newborn

[BunnyFox]

My best friend is getting married later this year and I’m currently pregnant with my first baby. Baby will be 3 months old at time of wedding and children are not invited (no problem, her wedding her wishes). The wedding is also abroad, so I’ve got my mum to come to look after our new baby in the room. The wedding hotel has no family rooms and when I rang and explained the scenario they said all I could do was book 2 x double rooms, (ok, no problem if that’s the only option).
My best friend has now asked if my mum can book another hotel in the area as she wants to keep rooms for wedding guests only. I’ve explained that I will need to be near the baby for feeds and perhaps to settle them, so would like her to be onsite. It’s my first baby and I’m trying all options and logistics as I don’t know how things will go, but I feel she’s being insensitive to my situation.

Hotels are public spaces and your friend doesn’t have a say as to who is staying unless she has booked the whole hotel.

However, if you are staying in such hotel I can’t see why your mum couldn’t stay in your room with your baby. It’s not as if the bride would need your room anyway.

In any case she is being very very unreasonable when you are trying to find a suitable solution.

Your friend is awful. Maybe take this chance to reconsider whether you want to go.

Travelling with a 3 month old can go two ways. I live abroad and have a 4 month old baby. I have a few friends who have gone back to the UK with their small babies and say it went great. Personally, I have a baby that isn't a good sleeper and at 12 weeks I was so sleep deprived that I couldn't even write my name properly to buy a plane ticket.

Your friend is being totally unreasonable.

Most people who have child free weddings make an exception for very small babies.

You and your mum are already going above and beyond to accommodate your friend's decision not to let you bring your baby. Not letting your mum stay in the same hotel is just absurd.

She's being an absolute bridezilla and I would tell her that her requirements unfortunately make it impossible for you to attend the wedding.

Why do you need a family room?
Why can’t you and mum share a room with the baby - like a normal couple or 2 adults would?

I don’t think I’d be going tbh - unless I fancied a holiday with my mum and money wasn’t an issue.

Sounds like no care or consideration for you as a newborn mum guest!

This. She is not behaving like a friend at all and does not deserve your efforts.

Sure she what’s you at this says wedding ?

I don’t think she’s your best friend… she is being incredibly shit

I wouldn't go, and tell friend now so she can just get over herself.
Taking a three-month-old on a plane when you're still in the post-partum stage yourself, and then expected to have your mum plus baby in a different hotel? Ridiculous amount of pointless stress for you all because your mate is being a diva.

The bride hasn’t asked the baby to stay elsewhere. She’s only asked mum to stay in a separate hotel to release the second room for a wedding guest.

I think bridezilla is being incredibly rude to OP’s mum but it’s only fair that she’s judged on her actions and not on things she hasn’t done.

Oh goodness. Bridezilla. I once went to a wedding where we booked a hotel months in advance, it was right near the venue. A few weeks before the wedding we got a message from the groom saying he had cancelled our room and reserved the hotel for family only..
My exdh was the best man ! - so in a race to the bottom she didn't do this to you
The tone of your message suggests you are a lovely kind person and you are doing your utmost to be support your friend. Obviously, and it seems obvious, you want to be near your baby and again it seems obvious that your mum who is really being wonderful wants to be by you. I think when people plan weddings they forget to think about others. Sorry OP you sound super lovely.

I wouldn't go. Or at least book much later when you know how you and baby are. I hadn't even properly healed at 3 months.

But friend is being ridiculous to ask you to book another hotel. She'll realise if she goes on to get pregnant too...

Maybe OP’s partner is going to the wedding too?

I think you reply ‘ok thanks, I really tried with flying my mum out too but I think needing them in a separate hotel just makes it all too hard with the new baby, it was pretty stressful already. I had better change my rsvp to a no , sorry.’

Also, just imagine OP having to talk to her Mum about it! "Hi Mum, you know you're very kindly coming to X and looking after the baby while we attend Mary's wedding? Well, you'll need to sod off in the middle of the night to a hotel somewhere else, just a couple of miles down the road, hope you don't mind...."

Exactly this. Politely but firmly stand your ground on this one. You're being extremely accommodating.

@BunnyFox I would just reply to friend and say “I’m sorry, but this is the only scenario that would work. Unfortunately it’s the only way I would be able to attend the wedding.” Ball is then in her court as to whether you go or not, but TBH I don’t know if I would want to if I were you.

This is crazy. You're paying for your mum to fly out there and for a seperate room for her? Are you sure? This is ridiculous

What you are doing is above & beyond. Hold your ground.

Do you really honestly hand on heart think you are being unreasonable here? After all you've done?

Your friend is being very precious over this!

She's dragging you all abroad and now wants to dictate who stays in the hotel! Does the hotel know she's dictating their business?

How stupid of her!

If she's getting like this now, I'd be backing out altogether.

99% your friend would not do this if it was her own 3 old month old baby .

Don’t go. Spend the cash on something nice for you and your baby and a treat for your mum. Normally it’s two guests per double room and this can include an infant in a cot as an extra guest so it’s odd for the hotel to say you need two rooms. As this is the case and adding in the brides demands you should say no thanks to the hassle abroad costly invitation.

How did the groom manage to cancel the room you had booked?

And did you still go?

”Hi, Bride

in the circumstances, I think it might be best if we don’t attend. I think it’s clear that we have different expectations of how things might work in order for us to be there and I don’t want to add any more stress to your big day, or to us as new parents. Wishing you every happiness and let’s catch up once you are back.”

Absolutely no fucking chance in hell would I agree to that.
You’re bending over backwards for Bridezilla as it is.
No way would I be packing my mum off on her own to a different hotel!!