AIBU - friend wants hotel for wedding guests only but my mum will be looking after my newborn

[BunnyFox]

My best friend is getting married later this year and I’m currently pregnant with my first baby. Baby will be 3 months old at time of wedding and children are not invited (no problem, her wedding her wishes). The wedding is also abroad, so I’ve got my mum to come to look after our new baby in the room. The wedding hotel has no family rooms and when I rang and explained the scenario they said all I could do was book 2 x double rooms, (ok, no problem if that’s the only option).
My best friend has now asked if my mum can book another hotel in the area as she wants to keep rooms for wedding guests only. I’ve explained that I will need to be near the baby for feeds and perhaps to settle them, so would like her to be onsite. It’s my first baby and I’m trying all options and logistics as I don’t know how things will go, but I feel she’s being insensitive to my situation.

This takes brideszilla to a whole new level. Your mum is in the hotel or you're not going.

Decline this one

I think that's a good idea. This has got to cost a lot.

Even if as someone needs to care for the baby who isn't wanted at the wedding.

You're bending a lot already in going and bringing Mum. She doesn't get to monopolise guest rooms like that unless she puts a deposit down on rooms herself.

She's being really cheeky and I think you're well in your rights to sack the wedding off entirely, all things considered.

Your poor mum is expected to stay alone in a separate hotel?
You're bending over backwards to accommodate your friends wishes, but she still wants more.
I'd decline going.

Unless she is paying for exclusive use she can jog on. Does she know your mum?

Are there lots of bits to the wedding eg a dinner the night before or something the next day she feels your mum will "gatecrash"?

You're flying a three month baby abroad just to appease the whims of your friends wedding?

No thanks, stay at home and get her a card and a gift.

Are you part of the wedding party? If not, I'd say sorry I'm not going to manage it. The costs involved bringing my mum and my mum staying in another hotel alone and also not on hand to help with the baby isnt going to work for us.

Ive been to loads of weddings and the child free ones are the worst every time. No atmosphere

I don't understand - is she booking the whole hotel for her guests? Or might there be random people booked in anyway?

If you/your mum are paying for the rooms, it's nothing to do with your friend. If she's booking the hotel out then yeah, I guess she can stop you. But she's being unreasonable, unless it would mean her kicking out another guest and leaving them to find somewhere else?

I agree. Don't go. Problems before you've even got there.

Sat here feeding my 3 month old, also first dc for me. Not a chance this will work and if my experience is anything to go by, there will be nothing you fancy doing less than leaving your baby to go to a wedding where they aren’t wanted there. Save your money and have a lovely baby friendly holiday with your lovely mum.

The bride is a dick🤷🏻‍♀️

Why are you even entertaining this nonsense?

“Sorry friend. The expectation that I can leave my baby with my mum in a different hotel is just impossible. Baby will be 3 months old at most and need their mum.

Sorry if this puts a spanner in your plans but count me out of your wedding. I can’t see how I can make this work whilst keeping baby close to me so I think it’s best we stay at home.”

Your friend’s demands and the constraints of the hotel just don’t work for you.

I'd be saying either (a) Mum needs to stay at the hotel (b) I'll be staying with Mum in separate accommodation so won't be around in the morning / throughout the day and going back and foreward or (c) I can't come

Be relieved that within three years your friend will realise what an absolute tit she's being.

If your Mum cancels her hotel room there is no guarantee that your friend will then get it, someone else could book it online or over the phone before your friend gets it. Your friend should have booked all the available hotel rooms at the time of booking the wedding if she wanted them all for her family.

Your friend is being completely unreasonable not allowing you to take a three month old baby to a wedding, all the baby will do is feed and sleep. Are you planning to breast feed? At that age both my babies fed constantly and neither of them would take a bottle. Also there is no way I would have left my baby for a second.

I would wish your friend all the best and tell her you are no longer able to attend.

Don't they have any twin rooms? Wouldn't they put a travel cot in a twin room? or would they put a travel cot in one of the double rooms and you and your mum sleep together?

I think if friend kicked off then I'd cancel altogether, you may not even feel like going to be honest with a three month old baby, and she sounds like she doesn't appreciate the effort you are going to at all.

I really don’t understand babies and child-free weddings. What difference will a 3 month old baby make? It’s hardly going to be running around helping itself to the buffet! I took mine to weddings and parties as babies and people barely noticed they were there.

However, each to their own. I guess it’s her wedding. But if your mum has to stay near you to help with the baby, then she has to stay near you (i.e. adjoining room). Not in a different location. I’m sure other guests can stay in another hotel. The baby will need to be close to you.

Also, if you’re planning to breastfeed your baby, I recommend you consider a wedding outfit made up of separates rather than a dress. A loose fitting or button up top (e.g. shirt and smart pants) will make it much easier to quickly feed and settle your baby. I learned the hard way: wore a full length dress to a wedding in France and couldn’t feed my baby discretely at the table. Had to sneak off to a stock room and sit feeding in my undies haha!

I honestly can't get over the hysteria on this thread - Ditch the bitch, bridezilla, worst AIBU you've ever read! Is it really?

I'd suggest a reread of the original post & subsequent (scant) updates:

"My best friend has now asked if my mum can book another hotel in the area as she wants to keep rooms for wedding guests only. I’ve explained that I will need to be near the baby for feeds and perhaps to settle them, so would like her to be onsite."

OP hasn't come back and said following this explanation she's still demanding she move her mum. Merely that friend asked, OP said no with an explanation and is asking if she is BU in saying no. She doesn't need to lose her best friend over it FFS. Anyone with a child would know the request is totally unrealistic however a young friend without children may surely be forgiven for not knowing quite how intensive a new born baby will be and thinking grandma is quite capable of looking after her for the day.

Jeeeeeeez.

Surely your response to that is "no she can't"?

Sounds as though you'd be better off giving this a miss.

Most friends I think would be glad that you're going at all, not trying to make it harder for you!

Exactly this. I didn't go to my own family members wedding abroad when my baby was 3 months old, it was just too much hassle. Nobody was offended or if they were, they didn't say anything.

I secretly agree but would never say it to anyone who is having one.

And OP, please don't do a massive flounce and announce you can't possible go and what a bitch she's being if your updates are the only discussion you've had so far. For all we know, bride's response could've been 'ah ok fair enough' . End of drama 🙄

I will never understand why women (the bride!) behave like this. She is your best friend and yet she is prepared to treat your Mum as second class just to suit her wedding vision. How very disappointing. I would homestly struggle to get past a close friend treating one of my loved ones in this way, in particular as I was doing all it takes to be there for them on their wedding day.