AIBU - friend wants hotel for wedding guests only but my mum will be looking after my newborn

[BunnyFox]

My best friend is getting married later this year and I’m currently pregnant with my first baby. Baby will be 3 months old at time of wedding and children are not invited (no problem, her wedding her wishes). The wedding is also abroad, so I’ve got my mum to come to look after our new baby in the room. The wedding hotel has no family rooms and when I rang and explained the scenario they said all I could do was book 2 x double rooms, (ok, no problem if that’s the only option).
My best friend has now asked if my mum can book another hotel in the area as she wants to keep rooms for wedding guests only. I’ve explained that I will need to be near the baby for feeds and perhaps to settle them, so would like her to be onsite. It’s my first baby and I’m trying all options and logistics as I don’t know how things will go, but I feel she’s being insensitive to my situation.

If you really, really want to go (and I honestly can't see why you would), could you and your mum not share a kingsize bed for a couple of nights or get twin beds with baby in cot? If that's not option, I'd pull out of going. You know the bride isn't going to let your mum hang around the venue all day so you can feed baby, so you'll have to keep nipping to other hotel – and Bridezilla won't like that either. Best pull out now and tell her it's because she's being inflexible.

You and your Mum are going the extra mile, not to mention expense to accommodate this wedding. And now the bride wants your Mum in a different hotel, I’d be saying enough is enough.

Don't go. Prioritise your baby. She doesn't care about you.

Wow. Your friend is being a total bridezilla… hopefully she’s just not thinking straight and will realise one day in the future. I wouldn’t go, is she normally this inconsiderate?

I have to say- once the baby is born, you'll probably never see her again and wonder why you bothered anyway. 🤣

I wouldn't go - if she's this much of an arse already her bridezilla tendencies will get worse and you'll be stressed out of your mind on the day.

I said YBU only because I think you shoukd rethink going at all, tg3 expense and stress of travellig with a newborn and your mum with baby in the room. You are underestimating how stressful and not enjoyable this could be.

You are not being unreasonable but your friend is. It obviously won't work if your mum is in another hotel. She sounds very selfish and clearly doesn't appreciate the arrangements you have needed to make in order to be able to attend her wedding. If she doesn't change her mind about your mum being in another hotel, I would cancel everything and not attend her wedding.

These weddings abroad are absolutely ridiculous. I think it's cheeky of people to marry abroad like that and expect friends and family to take time off work and fork out a pile of money for flights and hotel stays. Add in "childfree" and it's even more difficult for people with children.
Any couple can decide where they want to get married but then they can't expect everyone to be able to come. And if they say "childfree" that's fair enough too but then they need to understand that this will mean a lot of parents won't be able to go to the wedding if they can't get childcare and that it could be almost impossible if the wedding is abroad.

I have learnt over the course of my life that moving heaven and earth to do something for someone else, like this wedding for example, often isn't appreciated. You are putting yourself out massively to be there, you are forking out a lot of money to be there and fly your mother there to care for your baby. You might not even be well enough to travel or you might simply be exhausted or the baby might be one who just won't settle and can't be left with someone else even for half an hour.
Your friend won't appreciate this effort you have made. You will have exhausted yourself and used up hard-earned cash on something for someone who isn't even that bothered whether you are there or not.
If she was bothered and she did appreciate it she'd be asking you what she could do to make it easier for you with the baby. But she hasn't, she's just asked you to move your mother to another hotel.

You need to think of yourself and your baby first and the best thing for you would be to stay at home, so soon after the birth.

Cancel it. Just tell her you've had a rethink and it's not going to be possible.

She's being totally ridiculous.

Do not go.

Your friend is completely out of order and you would be a fool to both waste your money and inconvenience your mum for this wedding of a friend who clearly couldn't care less about inconveniencing you.

Reply to your friend that it's a non-negotiable condition for your mum to babysit your newborn in a foreign country. You need to be immediately available and that means on the same premises. End of story.

I think you are over estimating your appetite for going anywhere at three months, never mind a foreign wedding.

You are going to be knackered. You're going to be feeding. You are going to be keeping all the other guests up all night with a crying baby and it sounds like that would be a problem. Without wishing to sound scary, you can't bank on any birth being free of complications and even in a best case scenario a lot of people spend the first three months in a dressing gown feeling like they aren't coping

You will probably be fine and you may well be bouncing, full of energy, ready to party and blessed with a child who takes a bottle and sleeps through the night. But don't spend large amounts of money planning a trip based on that assumption.

As to the actual problem you're asking about, your friend is a pain in the arse. Don't go. Honestly. Don't go.

Tgis rhe a "best friend" who doesn't give a flying fuck about you nor your baby. Some friend. I would apologise to "best friend" for being inconvenient and bow out of the wedding entirely.

I'd be rethinking the whole trip

Has your mum got to hide the next day too?

Your baby is newborn. You are going to seriously struggle with this trip for multiple reasons op, travelling with a newborn is not for the faint hearted even if everything goes swimmingly!

You will thank yourself for pulling out of this wedding now. Send her a card and forget all about going and book a trip with your mum once the baby is born.

Your friend is being selfish. I would tell her it’s all too complicated and so you are opting out of the wedding. Believe me, you will not want to leave your baby at 3 months for any length of time.

Go back to the bride and tell her that your attendance means your 3m old baby will be with you and your mum will be looking after him/her.

if mum isn’t able to stay in the hotel, you’ll cancel and catch up with her when she’s back.

this is the beginning of the end of your friendship and you should absolutely let it and her go.

You’re being very accommodating, the fact you’re going to have a 3 month old and still travel abroad to attend… the fact your 3 month old isn’t invited and you’re going to fly your mum out to allow you to attend… I’d be telling your friend where to go quite frankly!

She might be fine with a couple of hours with her mum but that’s not the point. The friend is totally unreasonable to throw a spanner in the works of a hugely generous and kind gesture.

Unless she's pre booked all the hotel rooms .....she WILL have other people around
Even IF she has ...your mum stays at hotel or you don't go
Bloody ridiculous of the Bride to Be

I wouldn't go. She's sending you a very clear message that she isn't bothered by not being accommodating.

say no, not possible. you could maybe book an apartment Airbnb near the venue but seriously your friend has to be asked if she wants you there or not as you, baby, and your mum come as a package.

I would cancel, say no thank you and go for a nice weekend with partner, mum and baby.

No friend, I'm sorry but that won't be possible.