Doesn’t ever work out with the OW

[Wishiwasjapanese]

Just that really. When your husbands have cheated and left you for the OW has it ever worked out?

Yes. They are much happier than I think we were and had we not had kids or he hadn't become a very irregular presence in their lives I wouldn't really care at all. I have no time for cheating / soulmates / you only live once crap to try and excuse infidelity at all. You should always leave one relationship before beginning another, but there's no such thing as karma, a cheat is not always a cheat, and marrying a mistress does not create a vacancy. Those are just clichés we say to allegedly make us feel better.

the last I heard my ex was still with ow and their child . This was 20 years ago! He hadn’t seen dd1 since 2004 .

I should add though that I'd like to consign them both to the fiery pit of hell for doing things in such a way that my kids now feel like they are an inconvenience, and I bear the full brunt of all their various dramas and quite serious issues alone with backseat criticism and judgement but no useful support.

@RhaenysRocks I’m with you on that one !

I know quite a few couples that started as affairs. They've all been together 15+ years now.

Yes

Yes, they are far better suited and I am sure he is far happier with her than he would have been if he stayed with me.

I think people like to imagine that life is fair and that relationships that start off as affairs are doomed to failure but it's not actually true. Sometimes people cheat with someone because they are more compatible with them and go on to have a more fulfilling relationship with them.

I've had two marriages end due to infidelity. My first husband was with OW for 10 years and had 2 children until she left him. Not sure why. My second husband's fling lasted a couple of months.

My exdh married the ow......been together 20 years now.

I think often it does work out because it’s two people who fall in love.

My ex married the OW too and they’ve been together for over 10 years. I know that they aren’t happy but he’s told me that he feels obligated to stay after fucking up his relationship with the kids so he looks less bad.

Being attached when you meet someone doesn't mean you're less compatible. I didn't have an affair but I had a boyfriend who I left when I met DH and that was in 2004.

I think if it's an OW and it's, say, the wife's best friend, with kids involved, there are an awful lot of emotions and pressures which make the relationship more difficult.

But. Are you glad you ended it? Are you happier now too?

I think when a marriage ends with an affair, the couple will often stay together. Sometimes that couple is happier than the original married couple were, they’ve learnt from the mistakes made during the affair and have a stronger relationship than the original one. Sometimes they feel they have to make it last because it has cost them so much, prove it wasn’t a waste and a pointless risk to their marriage and family. Even if they are unhappy. Sometimes they are temporarily happy until the same drudgery sets in and they repeat the cycle again.

It’s only really the latter that it doesn’t work out long term. Although in the second scenario they aren’t happy they do seem to stay together so would meet your definition of working out.

Yes, my dad’s marriage to the first OW lasted 20 years until he met the next OW and they’ve been together nearly 20 years.

Know a guy who cheated then married the OW cheated then married the OW split due to abuse got with someone else cheated and married the OW

He seems to have a pattern maybe wife number three is as clueless as wife two was I suppose we shall see in about 5/6 years

I think plenty of people actually do reach the point eventually - as several posters have indicated in this thread - that they and their ex weren’t actually compatible, and acknowledge they’re glad they didn’t flog a head horse and are both happier with others.

A friend once made the point to me that he’s glad his ex is still happily with the OM a decade later: being able to accept that ultimately they just weren’t right together and that she’s happier with somebody else is preferable to the idea that she just went into self destruct mode or her affair resulted from a minor niggle they could have worked through.

It depends, sometimes they are just serial cheats and carry on being serial cheats. Other times they just met the right person and it works out. Other times they had their head turned by someone who loves taking a partner away from another, it lasts for a while and then they split too ad various other types of relationships with different people.

People are complex.

I had a serial cheat but not married to him, he has stayed with the one OW but he is a serial cheat on her too so, yes I'm much happier without that crap in my life.

My husband's mum and step dad got together via an affair. They both left their spouses and have been married for 40 years now.

DM was the OW, she and my dad have been together nearly 50 years so by the definition of time spent they've worked out. He had numerous affairs over the years and has form for being a nasty prick, he seems to have calmed down with age now and if you were to ask them they'd say they were happy (bloody miserable childhood a lot of the time for me though)

A million times happier.

I think the difficulty is we all have to make decisions based on what we know at the time. You don't really know if you'll meet someone else or be happier with this other person but if you're not happy with your partner you either work on things or leave and take your chances.

I mean King Charles seems a lot happier with relationship number two doesn't he.

Yep. And my god do they deserve each other!