Doesn’t ever work out with the OW

[Wishiwasjapanese]

Just that really. When your husbands have cheated and left you for the OW has it ever worked out?

Because the original couple weren’t in love? Don’t kid yourself that where an affair happens, there’s no love nor was there ever love. Love is rarely enough to sustain a relationship even short term. It doesn’t manage the baggage of an affair, the children, guilt, hurt. It can’t predict how the hurt person will react, or how friends and family will behave.

OP - I mean this kindly. If you are struggling with the impact of an affair, stop reading this thread. Unfortunately mumsnet isn’t particularly kind to people managing affair fallout - the underlying tone is always that something must have been wrong with the marriage and that the person cheated on somehow deserves it. The affair may pan out but probably it won’t. But either way, what does it matter? You do not want this man in your life. Time to focus on you and moving forwards. Take care of you, don’t think about them.

My sister was the other woman , they got together about 35 yrs ago , have been married about 30 yrs and seem very happy .

Left his wife, not hospital! Though I think his wife would have gladly put him in hospital at the time!

I found this interesting.

The basic takeaway here is that people who cheat, are statistically more likely to cheat again and that those who are cheated on are statistically more likely to be cheated on again.

To anyone who is going through this please seek help to break the cycle, while you cannot guarantee it won;t happen to you twice you can learn how to avoid the people and situations that are more likely to see you cheated upon

https://www.du.edu/news/once-cheater-always-cheater-du-study-examines-serial-infidelity

My husband's ex left him for his friend after an affair. The friend had tried it on with every other "taken" woman in the group, including my husband's sister. I guess husband's ex-wife was the last resort. They are, so I hear from people who still talk to them, miserable, but are still together 12 years later, now with a 6 yo. According to SIL, who is still in touch with the ex-wife, she says she can't stand him but also can't face dating again. Mind you, SIL has a flexible relationship with the truth so maybe they are blissfully happy.

My husband also has an Uncle who cheated on his then-wife with his now-wife, they have been together 30+ years and are both in their 80s now, they seem very happy.

My ex left me for OW and they’ve been together 12+ years, married with a child now. I’m not sure he treats her any better, but from what I hear they are happy.

I thank my lucky stars every single day she ended up with him, and I found DH.

He left me for my best friend in 1996. She was his third affair. They're still together.

It was hard to take for a long time. I had done nothing wrong and I felt he'd been rewarded for his bad behaviour while it took me 20 years to find my now DH.

I haven't seen either of them since 1999 when I moved away from the town we lived in.

But when I found out years later, how mediocre his career has been, it stopped hurting.

Good luck to them. They deserve each other.

I always think of Doreen Slater “Stick Insect”…
Although, I think Pauline cheated on George?

My father was the other man. He and my stepmother have been married decades now. I think it works because he is at heart a weak man who gives her everything she wants, thus avoiding any of the conflict and growing together one might expect in a mature relationship. I think had he not been this way it would have fizzled out pretty rapidly.

Yep, ex has been with OW for 8 years now. I have to be honest, I still feel humiliated by it all because when we were together I was besotted by him and he just dropped me like a hot potato - we were together for 10 years. The life we were planning he now has with her and I have struggled to move on. No partner currently, just DS10 and me.

I know someone like that, but he's on wife no4.

Yep probably the happiest couple I knew (they’re gone now) were together for about 40 plus years until they died and started off as an affair. The situation shat on the ex-wife and kids though. It is what it is.

Unfortunately yes. Mine married her. They are still together.

Absolutely - I'm much happier married to my DH than I would have been my ex fiance. The OW did me a favour!

Yes. Ex husband is now married to her. Same as his father, who was married to the 'other woman' 🙄

I no longer believe in karma 😆

It really really doesn't. That's just a massive cliche that people say to make themselves feel better. There are dozens of posters on this thread that have attested to that.

Exactly @Hoplolly

That line is used to justify the cheating, blowing up other people's lives (often young children's) and the massive financial cost. They probably think it sounds better then they wanted to fuck each other

Ex DH married OW who eventually cheated on him, they got divorced and he met someone else - he then cheated on her and married this OW who is now wife no3
They seem happy enough! According to my adult DC they think he’s just settled and is too old to try again with someone new

There is so many factors affecting why people cheat and even more factors affecting how the subsequent relationship works out.

If you have been left for someone else OP, all you can do is concentrate on yourself.

I think sometimes we hang on for grim death to something because we feel we should, on principle. How dare it not work? It's like admitting defeat. But when the decision is taken out of our hands, we can, with hindsight, realise it was the right decision for everyone and we are all happier having moved on, even if it felt shit at the time.

It’s all true. In isolation 2 unhappy people irregardless of marital state can find each other and leave existing relationships and be happy. I have been cheated on twice 1st marriage he didn’t marry her but did marry someone else also cheated and now divorced and “dating” which is a fancy term for cheating on all of them with someone else. DP of 5 yrs ended relationship for another woman not sure what had happened but we were still together and then suddenly he was dating someone else he cheated on her for the first year even while engaged they never married and now he’s single and she’s married to someone else. What they have in common is they both wanted more. They both thought they could find someone better than me (and apparently all the others). Accelerating commitment can play into this….a man gives up his wife house kids money for someone else so it has to work out for them with OW otherwise they made a huge mess with so little gain. I do in fact believe in karma mistress vacancy and serial cheaters I have seen it in real life. I have one relative 25 yr age gap who was OW he married her and just died unexpectedly at 86. 35 yrs together. I do think his children suffered tho and yet persevered to go onto happy adult marriages themselves. There was estrangement but some reconciliation as time went on. To me globally I would say I have never seen a man leave his female partner for someone I thought was so much better suited or so much more in love with or went on to such a better life.

Not me personally but I know one affair that has lasted.

The others I know about ether went tits up or just fizzled out.

DH didn’t cheat with me but he left his first wife because he fell for me in our (completely platonic) working relationship. We celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary in the summer. Not sure if that counts for this thread, but he’s never given me reason to doubt him.

My dad cheated on my Mum 30 years ago and he is still with his mistress they have never married and sometimes I am not sure if he is happy as he is so hen pecked but yes it does work out.

My mum met my fabulous stepdad so I guess that's the karma as she is so happy and we all love him