Doesn’t ever work out with the OW

[Wishiwasjapanese]

Just that really. When your husbands have cheated and left you for the OW has it ever worked out?

No the ones I know have either split up or he's got another OW and the original OW is clueless.

Sometimes cheaters stay together because they get too old. Love has nothing to do with it.

I don't think it has with my ex.

He has a child with her and they have been together since but I don't think he is truly happy if honest.... 🤷🏼‍♀️

Yes, 5 years on. They’re more compatible than we became and I’m more compatible with the person I’m with now. I like his girlfriend and would worry about my exH if they split up because I’d hate to think of him feeling lonely.

Not happened to me but I know of three couples who have started off as affairs. One were together till the day they died. The other two couples have been together for 10 and 30 years and counting.

@chojoko

I think it really matters to her that their "origin story" is shit. eg when her kids ask how she met daddy, she'll either have to lie or have a pretty bleak chat. I was surprised how affected she was by it literally almost two decades later.

I recognise some of this. My parents both worked really hard to present a united front with the children from my dad's first marriage: they were both welcomed into our house and we were encouraged to develop good relationships with them but there was always something a bit off about it which I couldn't put my finger on but felt very strongly. They always told us the separation between my dad and his first wife had been amicable.

It took me decades to understand how wrong that was and in fact I didn't really understand this until both my parents died. It was very very messy and my dad's relationship with these children (now adults) never really recovered. They were both very damaged by it.

But that doesn't change the fact that my dad's marriage to my mum was infinitely happier and more durable than the marriage to his first wife.

Yep, they're still together with two children now. As for me, I've been with my husband 13 years now (met him 2 months after me and ex split up) and we also have two children. I'm sure we are both happier.

This.

My husband‘s best friend is now with the woman he cheated on his previous girlfriend with. Nobody ever married, but he and his ex owned a house together and he did cheat. I don’t know if his ex knows he cheated. She probably guessed, but he broke up with her before he was found out and then started openly seeing his current partner.

I’m not condoning it at all but his relationship with his previous girlfriend was disastrous whereas he has been blissfully happy with the ‘OW’ (current partner) for years now. He should have broken up with his ex before starting a relationship with his current partner but there’s no disputing that he’s in a much better and happier relationship now. I expect they’ll get married before long.

Yep - my friend’s FIL and the OW have been happily together for over 30 years, married with kids. His ex (my friend’s husbands’s mother) refused to move on with her life, still hates them and years later is still bitter about it.

Not me but more my parents' generation. Several long lasting marriages that started this way (or until one partner died). Not covered in glory at the start, no, but generally good and happy matches. I think they'd say they grew apart from their first spouse after an early marriage, or their lives diverged (I saw it happen in correlation with retraining a few times).

I think this, falling in love with someone new after marrying years ago, some crossover and leaving to be with them isn't the same as multiple 'recreational' affairs for the sake of it. Not ideal, I believe ending a relationship first is the better choice, but not necessarily the sign of a total arsehole. That would show in how fair they are to the ex and kids afterwards.

I would (loose hypothesis) expect to see less of this now it's acceptable to stay single longer and settle down later.

My ex husband was a serial cheater, I was wife #2 he is by all accounts on #8 now. But other men have cheated on me and gone off with the ow. With hindsight I see they are better together than we were. At the time I was upset and angry. But yeah some are many years with the ow and good on them.

Also my dad has been with his OW for over 30 years. He cheats on her constantly but it is what it is

Lots of people are much happier with spouse no 2. There is a reason relationships breakdown, and that is because people aren't well suited but only find that out after several years together.

This all strengthens my belief that it's a thoroughly bad idea to get married too young. People who get married in their teens and 20s don't know themselves, let alone what they want from a partner. Later marriage, after you have had a chance to learn a bit about what makes you tick, has a much better chance of success.

Yes, XH is far happier with her than with me, they are both weird so compatible. I’m happier with my partner, he looks after me which XH never even considered doing

My uncle cheated with his now wife and they’ve been together 25 years

My partners best friend is still with the woman he left hospital wife for. It's 15 years ago now and they are very happy.

Somehow he and his ex wife are great mates now!

Out of the many people I knew who started as affairs, the vast majority broke up eventually.

Many went on to have more affairs.

The ones together years on seem miserable.

I'm sure some work out but I would say overall it doesn't go well due to all the baggage and anger.

No personal experience of this but, gosh, it just seems to unjust that people who have affairs go on to stay together after causing such pain.

Just leave if they find themselves looking for someone to shag.

It's been 20 years since my relative's husband left her for the ow. They married and have their own child now. He has been an inconsistent "father" in his first two children's lives.

Sometimes yes and sometimes no

My ex husband is now married to the OW he cheated on me with. Pictures occasionally pop up on my feed on Facebook -we were together for over a decade so have mutual friends. They both look a fucking state. Haven't had children (fertility issues l suspect) and too old to now, he desperately wanted them so he won't be happy with that aspect. She's not the most motivated of people with her career or earning so that probably rankles with him as he's very focused on that

I'm married to someone else and we've had twins, career is going well and his family is way more palatable so worked out better for me. Probably better karma as l didn't cheat with one of our mutual friends!

Not in my experience my ex husband is onto his 5th wife.. ( could be 6th 🤷‍♀️)cheated on everyone..
Haven't seen him for 18 years... nor has our 32 year old daughter.. no idea where he's living.. didn't even go to his own Mother's funeral.. ( we did).

No it doesn't. How you get them is how you lose them, they will never build happiness based on betraying someone else. What goes around always comes back around.

My dad is still with the woman he left my mum for 30 years ago. He also has 3 sons no one is supposed to know about with the woman he's been cheating on her with for the last 20 years.