Friend refusing to pay back money lent "I need the money more than you do"

[Foy19]

I have known her for 22 years. Best friends at school,, kept in touch and seen regularly over the years since. Since then she has had form for borrowing things and giving them back late and damaged, or not at all. Also for not paying her share at meals etc, simply expecting me to pay for her and even once a friend she brought with her to an evening out. Also has form for snide comments such as "wow haven't you got big" after not having seen each other for nearly a year, during which I'd put on weight.

Foolishly lent her £400 in September on the understanding that she would pay back by end December, even in instalments rather than the full amount at once. The money was supposed to be to help her look after her young DC while her DP was out of work and they were apparently struggling. Few weeks later they had brought a brand new TV and she had a haircut and colour which she said cost £200.

Gently reminded her this morning by text that she owes me what I lent her and got back: "I can't afford to pay you back. I need the money more than you do".

Clearly I've been stupid in lending her the cash in the first place, but how do I get it back?

I would cut her out of my life and id tell everyone what she did

I can assure you if a friend owed me hundreds of pounds I would absolutely just go to their house and ask for it.

Nothing funny or silly about it.

I ain’t one of these Mumsnet weirdos who refuses to answer the door or have adult conversations in person.

😂

To be honest, I wouldn't have lent her the money on the basis of her track record of being pretty awful person. And as a rule of thumb I don't lend money that I can't afford to write off if they don't pay back... because when u lend money u may or may not see it back. So it's not worth the hassle or loss of a friendship. When someone asks u to lend them money yiu can say Ur not able to at this moment in time. No need for reasons or justifications. Just sorry I can't at the moment.

I'd let it go and clock up to experience if it was me and drop.her as a friend.

Write it off to experience and break contact and move on.

Sorry OP but if you didn't have a written agreement, signed by both parties, then you can kiss your money goodbye. The Small Claims Court wont bother to even entertain it.

I'd text back and say 'you don't know whether I need it or not, but just so you are aware the bank of xxxxx ( insert your name), is now closed. BTW enjoy your NEW TV & hair do, which i helped to pay for. Then write the money and friendship off and don't be tucked in with future sob stories. She doesn't sound pleasant.

This is such poor behaviour on her part.

Whether you get the money back or not - I really hope you do, do consider the small claims option others have advised - please keep a distance from this person. This isn’t how a friend should behave (comments about your weight when you’ve been paying for her meals and helping her out etc is truly mean).

Ask her via social media for your money back. Give her a date to pay it back by. If she doesnt pay up go to the citizens advice to see about the small claims court.

This woman is certainly not your friend. Dump her straight away and take her to Court.

This definitely!!

I would try nagging and persuasion first. Reply to her message and say I know you feel you need my money more than I do but I really do need it back now. How would you like us to arrange the repayment so that it is easiest for you? And then message daily and keep insisting. You might need to go to small claims court but better to try to convince her first. What about having a word with her partner as well?

Honestly you might not. It's not worth small claims costs for £400.

I'd try once texting sayng you loaned the money for 2 months, you have seen her circs have obviously improved enough that she was able to get that haircut she told you was £200 & now she's not in dire straits you need it back.

You might still not get it. But honestly if it cost you £400 to see what an oxygen thief of a "friend" she is and get rid of her. You still got a bargain

Ask her to set up a standing order for £25 a month until it's paid off.

It’s a shame but I think you need to write it off, and let her know the friendship has changed now, fully explaining why. Point out she will soon have no friends if this is how she treats them. If she had been honest from the start about needing the money as a gift not a loan, you may have chosen to act differently. Perhaps you could have lent £50 or £100 with no expectation of getting it back, but £400 is a lot of money to lose and I’m sorry your friendship seems lost now too.

I would have nothing more to do with her and when she comes to you again just let her know that she'll get nothing from you ever again. she will come to you to lend some more off you with some sob story Just laugh and walk away.,

A lot of people recommending legal action, but you won’t succeed without evidence. That doesn’t have to be a signed loan agreement and acknowledgement of receipt of the money (though that would help) - your testimony, record of a bank transfer and a witness on your side should do - but if it’s your word against hers that the money was a loan and not a gift or something you owed her, or that it was handed over at all, then your chances are slim.

Never ever loan money to family or friends unless you are in a position to wipe it off when they don't pay you back

You won't get it back. Even if you take her to small claims court you won't get it back. Some people just feel entitled to other people's money, and her response makes it clear she is one of those people.

Shakespeare gets it right: ‘neither a borrower or a lender be’

This is good advice. Better to get it back slowly than not at all. Also, if she makes even one payment, she's acknowledging that it's a loan, not a gift.

I would message everyone on her Facebook friends list including her husband with proof of the borrowed money/agreement to pay it back and also the thing about I need the money more than you do.
I would also send the letter before action.

Is this for real? She calls you fat and you give her £400!
I'd call you a hippo for £50. 😀

@Foy19 unless you desperately need the money, I'd write it off and the so called friend. It will be the best £400 you have ever spent.

Tell her you are fed up with her nonsense and are going to the Small Claims Court. You can actually get a free mediation service via the court. https://www.gov.uk/make-court-claim-for-money/mediation Just the threat might make her get her wallet out.