Friend refusing to pay back money lent "I need the money more than you do"

[Foy19]

I have known her for 22 years. Best friends at school,, kept in touch and seen regularly over the years since. Since then she has had form for borrowing things and giving them back late and damaged, or not at all. Also for not paying her share at meals etc, simply expecting me to pay for her and even once a friend she brought with her to an evening out. Also has form for snide comments such as "wow haven't you got big" after not having seen each other for nearly a year, during which I'd put on weight.

Foolishly lent her £400 in September on the understanding that she would pay back by end December, even in instalments rather than the full amount at once. The money was supposed to be to help her look after her young DC while her DP was out of work and they were apparently struggling. Few weeks later they had brought a brand new TV and she had a haircut and colour which she said cost £200.

Gently reminded her this morning by text that she owes me what I lent her and got back: "I can't afford to pay you back. I need the money more than you do".

Clearly I've been stupid in lending her the cash in the first place, but how do I get it back?

No good deed goes unpunished…
Sad lesson

First send her another message saying I sent you £400 on the basis it was to be paid back in installments by the end of December 2024. State you did not chase her as you did not specify an installment amount just that the balance must be paid back in full by 31.12.24. Wait for a reply to the message then state it is not about who needs it more and that you do not need to justify requesting she sticks to the agreement.

Then after you have acknowledgment confirming she knows that is what she agreed but hasn't paid it, tell her you will give her a final deadline of for example a week or next pay day to return the money or you will take her to small claims. You could also imply before that if she doesn't return the money she won't be borrowing from you again. This may make her think she can get more next time if she pays it back. In which case she may return it to ask again in a couple weeks. Had family do that to me in past. Obviously you tell her no chance when she does based on form. Then you ditch this so called friend as she is clearly using you.

It's obviously up to you if you go down the small claims court route but this relationship is toxic. I'd make sure any shared friends know what has happened. She maybe lining up another meal ticket.

Ah, yes - the dreadful business with the spilt wine …

I am shocked by her response. I would also take her to court, out of principle if not because I needed the money. The text exchanges between the 2 of you will serve as evidence that money was lent and it wasn’t a gift. Once you get a CCJ, if she doesnt pay up, you may decide not to continue to enforcement, but at least you’ll know that she’ll have a CCj affecting her credit rating for the next 6 years.

Definitely Small Claims Court. The process is inexpensive and quite simple. It's your money ~ you earnt it and it's YOURS. All the very best and do get rid of the "friend" .

‘Never a lender nor a borrower be’ - an old expression. I would see this as an expensive lesson learned. She would be culled - no contact and shut the door firmly closed since no true friend should behave in this way.

Can’t erase texts, only messenger

Several people have suggested small claims court. I would suggest you sent your friend an invoice for the money you lent her- say to be repaid from end of December in instalments as agreed. Tell your friend you will be submitting this to the small claims court- which gives her the opportunity to repay and avoid court.
I would also think carefully if you would not prefer to just cut her off as a friend and write the £400 off. The last time I was involved in the small claims the cost was approx £300- so check how much it will cost you, including the bailiff's fee, because if she lets it go this far , just being told to by a magistrate probably won't make her- baliff's taking her goods, that will do it.

She's a con-artist and has used emotional blackmail (Kids) to extort money out of you via deception. Small claims court. Screenshot all evidence of her lying about paying it back - She's a proper scumbag. Sounds like a champagne lifestyle on a cider budget.

"I have things I need to spend the money on thank you. I'm sorry you are struggling, but I lent you the money on the understanding I would get it back when I needed it."

If she says anything else, tell her you'll refer to small claims court. I would to avoid pointing out her lifestyle, because if you need the money she borrowed then whether it's the only way she can feed her kids or she's buying designer gear with it, isn't super relevant
.

I am sorry op but I don’t think she ever has been your friend.

Envy can be an awful thing. She's feeling entitled.

Being In Total Control Honey - makes good sense to me too.

This. She won't expect you to do it, so it will throw her right off course.

I think she will ignore any messages about the money. Meaning you can't take her to court because there isn't enough evidence of it all.

Does she get paid monthly at the end of the month? If so I would suggest you message her to say something like:

When I loaned you the £400 in x month 2024 you promised to pay it back in full by December 2024.

As that's not happens we need to set up a payment plan. My account and sort code details are as follows xxxxxxx xx-xx-xx.

If you pay me back £50 a month into my bank account starting on 1 February, that would work for me. Does that seem acceptable to you?

Thanks"

That way she is more likely to think yeah I can do that and sign up to it by reply message.

It's not much per month so it's affordable, it's a month away so sounds like yeah I will have money by then, so she will be keener to say yes.

I doubt she will say yes to a repayment now as the bitch will be skint. So you're liable to be ignored and blocked and have no recourse. This way you have to wait a bit longer for the money but if she defaults you have evidence to take her to court.

Save any texts and use small claims

Go no contact Off the Christmas card list, small claims court application fired in

Not vicious to take her to court , she owes her the money and looks like she has no intention of paying her back.

Absolutely. Even if the op can afford to not have the money going to court would teach the criminal not to steal. She’s a loser criminal stealing from you. Don’t let this scum get away with your cash op.

Do you have solid written proof that the money was a loan and she was expected to pay you back - proof good enough to stand up in Court? Otherwise she'll just laugh at you.
Can't believe you were foolish enough to lend her the money, though we've all done stupid things. Are you really so desperate that you have needed this person as your "friend"?

Registered letter giving her 28 days to pay it back. Then online small claims court - it’s really simple and not much to pay for admin based on that amount. You can add it onto the amount owed anyway as costs. Do it. If she doesn’t pay she’ll have a CCJ registered against her.

It’s for the small claims to decide if there is enough evidence and that text exchange does prove that money was lent

Thank you, I hope I never need the template, but it's so reassuring to have it.

Also thank you to the other pp who advise keeping any text "evidence" showing the persons agreement to pay back by an agreed date, and definitely where they have texted that they have "no intention" to do so.

I seem to remember from quite a few years back, when I used to be (sad😱) watch Judge John Rinders televised court cases, that often included cases of non repayment of loans.... I'm sure the advice was pretty much the same.