Badly behaved NYE guests

[achangeofusername]

This year we hosted a NYE dinner. My group of friends all have children the same age (7-13) and we've done it before - it's a nice low key celebration. I was clear on the invite that it was a sit down dinner starting at 7. When people inevitably asked what to bring I just said a bottle. One friend "Jane" texted a few days before to say her plans fell through and would it be too late to come? I said she was very welcome to.
7 came and went, everyone (except Jane) arrived and brought lovely wines, beers, flowers, champagne etc. we waited and I texted around 7.30 to see if she'd been glued up and got a "sorry we're late we won't be there til 8.30" with hungry kids and adults already drinking on empty tummies I went ahead and fed everyone. She arrived at 8.30 ish - completely empty handed. I offered to plate her, husband and children - kids had eaten and "they won't sit at a table" so she asked if they could sit and watch a film, at which point every single other child decided that they wanted to watch a film too and have dessert in the lounge... I said yes to tv, but that they'd have to come back to table when adults finished for (messy) dessert. They ate and started to drink - quite heavily. My daughter came in and told me Jane's kids had gone upstairs and had started messing round with her makeup and stuff. Her husband was sat next to me and didn't react so I excused myself and got them downstairs. They had painted themselves (2 boys) by this time.
When I called them back for dessert Jane saw them and made a comment (I'm known as being left wing) about how the "influence" of my house had caused her boys to "cross dress". I snapped at her and told her that actually they took themselves upstairs when they'd been told not to and helped themselves to my daughters make up without permission. I was told by Jane to lighten up - just a joke.
Throughout the whole evening they didn't lift a finger to help with the dishes, look in in the children etc. they both managed to get blind drunk and had forgotten to book a cab so one of my friends who can walk home ended up doing that and sacrificing her cab.
No thank you message afterwards.
AIBU to think this is poor behaviour and not invite them back?

YANBU. I would be fuming!

Obviously it was poor behaviour! This is less “AIBU?” and more “Let me vent”. Does Jane have form for this?

Yanbu. I'd distance myself from Jane too. Why you friends with her

Yeah. Just don't invite them back.

Yes I do need a bit of a vent, spot on. I didn't think I was unreasonable. But it's not as dramatic as a lot of the things you read on Mumsnet.

Very rude of Jane and also btw her DH and DC!
I'd definitely not be inviting them back !

Oh man my husband would not have coped.lol you did well

Why didn't you asķ Jane and husband to sort their children?

I wouldn't invite them again.

Rocking uplate, empty handed, disrupting everything, the influence of your left wing house bit....Whew....

Yeah, Jane's in the bin in 2025.

Have they never behaved like this before? It amazes me how people have friends like this and they apparently go from being normal decent people to piss-taking nightmares overnight!

But yes YANBU, neither Jane nor any other member of her family would be crossing the threshold of my house again. And I’d be sending a text asking her to reimburse me for the cost of the damaged makeup too. Tell her that her boys are welcome to have the old makeup they damaged if they’d like to continue their journey… that should do it.

Definitely no need to invite back. The make up reminds me of when my DC were small - loads of my friends only had boys and they would always take the opportunity to dress in princess dresses at ours. Once someone took the piss out of their DS for doing so - way to give him a complex.

It’s poor behaviour but you ant expect kids to sit at a table and not want to go off and do other things.

I wonder why her other plan fell though 🤔

There's probably another family out there somewhere grateful they paged them off elsewhere 😂

YANBU - obviously!

Is this the first time you’ve had them together socially? Are they normally like this or something s this a different side to them?

Decently brought up children? Course you can

Rocking up empty handed I couldn’t get annoyed at, nor late. The comment I wouldn’t get annoyed at either. It was clearly a joke. The make up thing I would though. Not enough to end the friendship

Jane and her family sound awful!!

If I heard one of the host’s kids saying my kids were upstairs messing with her stuff, I’d be flying up those stairs and reading them the riot act! But actually it wouldn’t happen because I always make sure I know where the kids are when I’m at someone’s house. Did they damage any of it? If so I’d be asking her to replace.

It’s unforgivable to turn up at someone’s house without some kind of gift. I took a home made cake and 2 bottles of wine to our friend’s NYE party. And not to say thank you!!

This is a lengthy NYE dinner party though. That would be very boring for them

Unforgivable? Jeez!

YABU for using the word lounge.

I'd not have got annoyed about the cross dressing comment but the rest would be very annoying.

Ditch her! I could get over kids messing up my make-up, as they don’t know any better, but for the mother not to give one solitary shit about it? That would be a deal breaker.

Why is using the word lounge unreasonable?

Non-U, dahling.

What the hell is wrong with the word lounge? Some people say lounge, some say living room in exactly the same way some people say sofa, settee or couch.

Umm yes you can!! Our kids wouldn’t dream of roaming around someone’s house and using their stuff. On NYE they all managed to have one meal at the table and then went to play and watch a movie.