Badly behaved NYE guests

[achangeofusername]

This year we hosted a NYE dinner. My group of friends all have children the same age (7-13) and we've done it before - it's a nice low key celebration. I was clear on the invite that it was a sit down dinner starting at 7. When people inevitably asked what to bring I just said a bottle. One friend "Jane" texted a few days before to say her plans fell through and would it be too late to come? I said she was very welcome to.
7 came and went, everyone (except Jane) arrived and brought lovely wines, beers, flowers, champagne etc. we waited and I texted around 7.30 to see if she'd been glued up and got a "sorry we're late we won't be there til 8.30" with hungry kids and adults already drinking on empty tummies I went ahead and fed everyone. She arrived at 8.30 ish - completely empty handed. I offered to plate her, husband and children - kids had eaten and "they won't sit at a table" so she asked if they could sit and watch a film, at which point every single other child decided that they wanted to watch a film too and have dessert in the lounge... I said yes to tv, but that they'd have to come back to table when adults finished for (messy) dessert. They ate and started to drink - quite heavily. My daughter came in and told me Jane's kids had gone upstairs and had started messing round with her makeup and stuff. Her husband was sat next to me and didn't react so I excused myself and got them downstairs. They had painted themselves (2 boys) by this time.
When I called them back for dessert Jane saw them and made a comment (I'm known as being left wing) about how the "influence" of my house had caused her boys to "cross dress". I snapped at her and told her that actually they took themselves upstairs when they'd been told not to and helped themselves to my daughters make up without permission. I was told by Jane to lighten up - just a joke.
Throughout the whole evening they didn't lift a finger to help with the dishes, look in in the children etc. they both managed to get blind drunk and had forgotten to book a cab so one of my friends who can walk home ended up doing that and sacrificing her cab.
No thank you message afterwards.
AIBU to think this is poor behaviour and not invite them back?

We call it a lounge. My 11 and 8 yr olds would easily sit down for a long dinner (and enjoy it) and would never go and help themselves to other people’s stuff.
no matter how drunk I am at a party or my husband we would ALWAYS be aware of what the kids are up to!
Its basic adulting!

Re bringing something, growing up we always brought cans and often a bag of crisps to these types parties with my mum's family, and as an adult I still do. I could never turn up empty handed, but I felt like a lemon though at DP's family NYE gathering as I was the only one who brought booze (RTDs too). I looked like an alcoholic

YANBU about the rest.

What does non-U mean?

Kids aged 7-13?!

Common.

In fairness, if dinner started at 7, and Jane and co arrived with already fed children at 8.30, I wouldn’t blame the children who’d already been at the dinner table for an hour and a half and who had clearly finished eating, for wanting to go and do something else at that point.

Bye Jane!

Handy guide here:

This is all very middle-class Things Must Be Done Properly, isn't it? Not bringing a drink isn't that big a deal (I get a bit fed up of hosting people and being left with gallons of leftover drinks I don't actually want). Being late is impolite but you all went ahead and ate anyway so you weren't terribly inconvenienced. She wasn't too know all the kids would want to watch TV, etc.

Any one of those would be annoying, some more than others (the make up incident and them not giving a shit would annoy me most) but taken all together I just wouldn't invite her back, ever.

I would also be inclined to cool it with her if that doesn't cause too many problems in the group.

Was just going to say this. Why can’t they sit at the table? Barring any medical reason.

Oh I was talking about the "Jane's children won't sit at the table" aspect, not the ones who'd sat through the meal!

Basic manners and courtesy aren't 'middle-class Things Must Be Done Properly'.

Obviously it’s awful behaviour. I would never be inviting Jane again.

At least you never need to invite her again.

I would be annoyed - though would point out that males wearing make-up is not new and that e.g. the Duke of Marlborough probably got made-up before the Battle of Blenheim (c. 1704) so what's the deal? Very male to wear make-up until c. 1800 when it (temporarily) went out of fashion.

Why didn't you reply when they said they were running late with, not to worry we will see you next year. Turning up 90 mins late having eaten is very rude.

I know from history that my kids would be told at Christmas not to go into their cousin's bedrooms, purely to protect their stuff and new gifts. When my niece turned 13 though she kept disappearing with her favourite cousin into her room and her room got invaded by all the kids and her makeup was damaged...

It never happened again but as an adult that year, I felt I spent the whole evening nipping upstairs asking all the kids to come downstairs. The kids and adults insisted it wasn't a problem until it actually was!!!!

Jane is the person people pit a coat on to answer the door for when she knocks... 'I was just on my way out!'. Yanbu!

This is why we don't ever have guests anymore, had loads of instances like this in the past (people snooping, using your stuff, letting kids run riot) yet mumsnet always acts like us 'no guest' people are mental and like its impossible and never happens. We didn't end up this way on a whim, we do through experience.

Far easier to go out somewhere together instead.

As for 'kids can't sit', I have 3 kids with ND ranging from 3-16 and they managed to sit at a table in a restaurant for 2 hours on New year eve without getting up and wandering off at any point. I didn't see any kids wandering/running around and nearly every table in the restaurant had at least 1 kid in their party.

Jane sounds awful and not someone who will get a second invite. It sounds too many people anyway.

I wouldn’t be popular on here . I say front room 😂. I would allow children to leave the table after dinner but would expect them to come back for dessert. Basic manners and it avoids potential mess everywhere. As for going in a bedroom and messing with other people’s possessions I would have been very annoyed and embarrassed by their bad behaviour. I would avoid inviting this family again .

As if to prove my point... someone for some reason not believing something thats a common occurrence that there have been literally hundreds of threads of people posting similar experiences of from all different areas and backgrounds.

Why on earth would you think this isn't real? it just makes you look insanely sheltered.

Init, the Op hasn't said three masked men raided her property after a tip off from Jane, she has described a sadly common level of rudeness and bad behaviour that most of us believe can and has happened!

You really can. They do it at school everyday. All the kids at OP’s party were between 7-13 years, not 3 FFS.