Badly behaved NYE guests

[achangeofusername]

This year we hosted a NYE dinner. My group of friends all have children the same age (7-13) and we've done it before - it's a nice low key celebration. I was clear on the invite that it was a sit down dinner starting at 7. When people inevitably asked what to bring I just said a bottle. One friend "Jane" texted a few days before to say her plans fell through and would it be too late to come? I said she was very welcome to.
7 came and went, everyone (except Jane) arrived and brought lovely wines, beers, flowers, champagne etc. we waited and I texted around 7.30 to see if she'd been glued up and got a "sorry we're late we won't be there til 8.30" with hungry kids and adults already drinking on empty tummies I went ahead and fed everyone. She arrived at 8.30 ish - completely empty handed. I offered to plate her, husband and children - kids had eaten and "they won't sit at a table" so she asked if they could sit and watch a film, at which point every single other child decided that they wanted to watch a film too and have dessert in the lounge... I said yes to tv, but that they'd have to come back to table when adults finished for (messy) dessert. They ate and started to drink - quite heavily. My daughter came in and told me Jane's kids had gone upstairs and had started messing round with her makeup and stuff. Her husband was sat next to me and didn't react so I excused myself and got them downstairs. They had painted themselves (2 boys) by this time.
When I called them back for dessert Jane saw them and made a comment (I'm known as being left wing) about how the "influence" of my house had caused her boys to "cross dress". I snapped at her and told her that actually they took themselves upstairs when they'd been told not to and helped themselves to my daughters make up without permission. I was told by Jane to lighten up - just a joke.
Throughout the whole evening they didn't lift a finger to help with the dishes, look in in the children etc. they both managed to get blind drunk and had forgotten to book a cab so one of my friends who can walk home ended up doing that and sacrificing her cab.
No thank you message afterwards.
AIBU to think this is poor behaviour and not invite them back?

Yes, shocking behaviour. Personally, I'd have asked them to leave earlier in the evening, and in fact I have done so in the past. I really can't be doing with people who behave badly in my home.

It’s very rude and I can’t imagine wanting to hang out with them TBH. You can buy flowers for £3 or a pack of biscuits for £1. It’s not about the money, it’s a gesture.

Why can’t you? It’s basic manners

No wonder there are so many badly behaved children about.

Presumably the rest of the children managed, as OP hasn’t mentioned it

Jane probably thought - where can I go and get easily pissed and leave the kids to do what they want?
And your home and your party was the instant solution.
Couldn’t be bothered bringing anything, left the kids to
whatever the wanted, a nasty little aside to reflect your beliefs, and then pinched someone else’s taxi.

Jane is not your friend.

Do not invite Jane again.

And I would like to add that my late mother called it her ‘through lounge’ as used by the late Victoria Wood, as she was so proud that she’d ’knocked through’ which was another favourite. Nobody wanted to be caught out having a ‘front parlour’ either.

Definitely wouldn't be inviting them again.
Sounds like the invite was quite clear that it was a sit down dinner, and therefore parents could decide whether their kids would be able to do this or not before accepting the invite. Sounds like the ones at the meal on time were falling in line with these expectations til Jane rocks up and can't control her kids.

How much do you normally socialise with Jane? I think it is rude that she did not bring anything and did not consider their arrangements home. Also what was with her DH? He could also have considered bringing wine, keeping an eye on the children and sorting out a taxi.

I would minimise contact with them and if they ask I would probably be quite blunt and say I was disappointed with how NYE went.

Ugh it's annoying sort of middle of the road shit; not big enough to raise it with Jane but too big to not be irritated and feel taken for granted.

Don't have them back. They have no manners.

Jane is a moron. Make 2025 the first of many Jane-free years.

Never trust a Jane without a Y.

Of course she should be in the bin.

Rocking up 90 mins late to a party is one thing. Rocking up 90 mins late to a sit down mean that YOU INVITED YOURSELF to is an utter pisstake. Both are rude (exception being if the invitation said "arrive whenever, party opens at 7pm").

Empty handed would depend on if anything was agreed up front. I wouldn't want or expect a gift. But when we've held parties, we usually say we will provide food, soft drinks and get a few cases of beer and wine in but ask people to bring whatever they are drinking. So if a family of 4 turned up without bringing anything for themselves, I might think they're taking the piss.

The comment, whether a joke or not, was clearly a dig at the OP for her left wing views and is not welcome to be made when she is hosting them. I also couldn't get over the bigoted undertones, not the sexist stereotype assumptions.

Given that the youngest child was 7, I think it's utterly reasonable to expect them to sit at a table and eat. SURELY?!
The OP also made it clear it was not a buffet.
The 'joke' was absurd but playing with OP's daughter's make up was not.
And getting so blind drunk with young kids that you cannot even call a cab is a little undignified.

*nor the sexist stereotypes

Yanbu.

Thread derail attempt. Having a little pop at the OPs social status as you percieve it.

Bad behaviour, no don't let them back.

no more invites ever. ‘Oh yes we are having our new years do. No, there isnt a spare spot, and dd was really upset the boys got into her makeup and I think it isnt fair to invite people who do that to her things while their parents ignore them until they decide to have a go at me for apparently ‘making them crossdress’. Yes I know you were just joking you told me that quite crossly last year. Im not joking, you were all terrible guests and you’re not welcome.’

The cross dress comment literally made me lol.

How ridiculous is Jane?

YANBU OP. Jane is an entitled CF

Yep.

Sorry OP.

Just never invite them back, and I'd probs cool off on the friendship a bit too tbh. I'm assuming you aren't super close friends.

Absolutely. Good on your for recognising it the first time and absolutely don’t invite them back.

p.s can I come next year? Sounds like an amazing evening! I’ll bring chocolate, wine and flowers and you’ll absolutely get a follow up text!

I'm loving this thread, a perfectly-balanced combination of of social class, performativity, politics, badly behaved kids, lazy husband, and a complete lack of self-awareness all round.

The "adults already drinking on empty tummies" is a new MN classic, too, I think. I must use that one next time I'm on my second bottle of red and its only just turned 8pm. Who needs food?

It has it all, doesn’t it? ‘Tummies’ also being terribly non-U.

Absolutely disgusting behaviour, what kind of friend is that?