Badly behaved NYE guests

[achangeofusername]

This year we hosted a NYE dinner. My group of friends all have children the same age (7-13) and we've done it before - it's a nice low key celebration. I was clear on the invite that it was a sit down dinner starting at 7. When people inevitably asked what to bring I just said a bottle. One friend "Jane" texted a few days before to say her plans fell through and would it be too late to come? I said she was very welcome to.
7 came and went, everyone (except Jane) arrived and brought lovely wines, beers, flowers, champagne etc. we waited and I texted around 7.30 to see if she'd been glued up and got a "sorry we're late we won't be there til 8.30" with hungry kids and adults already drinking on empty tummies I went ahead and fed everyone. She arrived at 8.30 ish - completely empty handed. I offered to plate her, husband and children - kids had eaten and "they won't sit at a table" so she asked if they could sit and watch a film, at which point every single other child decided that they wanted to watch a film too and have dessert in the lounge... I said yes to tv, but that they'd have to come back to table when adults finished for (messy) dessert. They ate and started to drink - quite heavily. My daughter came in and told me Jane's kids had gone upstairs and had started messing round with her makeup and stuff. Her husband was sat next to me and didn't react so I excused myself and got them downstairs. They had painted themselves (2 boys) by this time.
When I called them back for dessert Jane saw them and made a comment (I'm known as being left wing) about how the "influence" of my house had caused her boys to "cross dress". I snapped at her and told her that actually they took themselves upstairs when they'd been told not to and helped themselves to my daughters make up without permission. I was told by Jane to lighten up - just a joke.
Throughout the whole evening they didn't lift a finger to help with the dishes, look in in the children etc. they both managed to get blind drunk and had forgotten to book a cab so one of my friends who can walk home ended up doing that and sacrificing her cab.
No thank you message afterwards.
AIBU to think this is poor behaviour and not invite them back?

What?!! Kids aged 7-13. Why on earth not?

Send an email link to a new make up set.
No need for any of them to cross your door step again.
I've had really late guests before, so irritating.

Do her children usually have behavioural problems at home/at others houses? How old are the kids. I hate it when parents don’t parent at your house and leave it to you

All of it would have been annoying, but the getting ridiculously pissed and letting their kids run riot without watching them - and then complaining about what they did - would really be it for me!

I would just never invite them to anything again.

wtf yes you can lol

A very very common word what's the issue with that?

What a snob!

I have a funny feeling that was why she was at a loose end on NYE: other people have decided not to have them back/invite them this year!

Yeah Jane and her feral kids and lazy drunken husband would be getting ghosted.
However, before this, I would be sending Jane a bill for the items ruined by her offspring, why should your poor DD have her things ransacked by little scrouts whose parents don't care? I would be putting it in the group chat as well that you expect £x amount. Shame the lazy cow.

I would drop this 'friend'. No drama. Just fade away from her view. She sounds awful.

Bye bye Jane 👋

AIBU to think this is poor behaviour and not invite them back?

I would not entertain her again. She can spend next NYE in the ditch she was obviously dragged up in.

Because the OP's character is clean living and socially aware whilst Jane's character along with her feral family are disrespectful chavs. These two just wouldn't be friends!

You can, and should have, if you're going to take them to events like this, taught your kids how to behave in someone else's house, i.e. not wandering around without asking and not to touch other people's things unless they've been told they can. But, in any case, they weren't being expected to sit at the table, they were already elsewhere, watching TV (because they clearly didn't know how to behave at a table anyway).

I'm confused. Were Jane and family originally invited but declined because of other plans which then fell through ? If not they were cfers from the get go to invite themselves.
But anyway my answer next time would be a firm no as its a sit down meal again and as you said yourself your DC won't sit at a table.

Well, thank you Hyacinth Bucket!
It's not a word I would use but do you know what is considered an absolute etiquette no-no?
Correcting other people on their choice of language.
Only the word kind of wannabe would be so crass, vulgar and ill-mannered as to interrupt and tell someone that their word choice was non-U.

There's always a person or family who are a total pain in the arse at a home party of any size- my friend had a fun party a few weeks ago and one single woman ( middle aged like nearly all of us) was apparently trying it on heavily with the party givers partner.

Yes you can.

To be fair, I have some friends whose kids have behaved in ways that have surprised me whilst out and about/at parties and who for that reason I wouldn't be keen to have them in my house tbh. Although the friends themselves I'm sure wouldn't act like OP's friend...apart from a few with the getting bling drunk bit, I do have a few friends who are heavy drinkers at social events and have had trouble getting home and needed assistance which is something that has never happened to me..so it definitely can be real to have friends whose behaviour is very different from your own.

I'd be put out by having to message at 7.30 to find out where they were. Any decent person would have let you know they were running late before 7.00.

I don't know anyone who would turn up to a dinner at someone's house without a gift or contribution of some kind.

And I wouldn't be impressed with someone who didn't monitor their children's behaviour. Did she even apologise for them messing with the make up?

YANBU. I don't think I'd invite them again.

They sound incredibly rude. Thank goodness there was a cab going or they might still be there.

I’m not surprised that Jane’s children don’t know how to behave because their parents don’t know either - they wouldn’t be receiving any further invitations from me.
Not that it makes any difference I call my lounge/front room the living room, it’s one of 3 rooms we have downstairs the other 2 being the kitchen and the dining room.

In their defence they weren't so drunk they couldn't but they were so drunk that they forgot and then... well, it's New Year's Eve everything is booked!

Never have them again.
Have had similar, including snark from the mother, so feel your pain.

Given that the youngest child was 7, I think it's utterly reasonable to expect them to sit at a table and eat. SURELY?!
Good God, we expected DC younger than that to sit through a main course. Then they'd all go and play, and come back for dessert later.

You certainly can get children to sit at the table. You start at an early age at meal times with you all together eating. No getting away from the table until you have finished eating and definitely no running around the room during the meal. My DC would always ask to leave the table. In fact our eldest would still ask in her late teens.