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Original poster

Son has just told us he is non binary

1000 replies

Chipshopninja · 02/01/2025 19:31

13 years old

Wants us to use they/them

He came out as Bi a a couple of years ago and I was fine with that but this has really hit me hard

I'm terrified that this is going to lead to hormones and surgery.

Don't know why I'm posting tbh but feeling crappy because I didn't handle it well. I cried.

I can't call him my son anymore

He's my only child

Has anyone else been through this?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Soontobe60 · 02/01/2025 19:32

Of course hes your son. Now switch the wifi off and get a grip!

ElangaScores · 02/01/2025 19:33

I’d just say, that’s nice dear and not give it any oxygen.

MiffyBuns · 02/01/2025 19:34

I did.

I refused to partake or allow school to.

6 months later she's back to her normal self

Don't engage and explain why

Skiptogetfit · 02/01/2025 19:34

Still not worked out what non-binary means. If you don’t like getting your nails done and you wear unisex clothing does that make you non-binary? And you need to put make or female on your passport. To put anything other than your birth sex seems farcical.

Comedycook · 02/01/2025 19:35

Ok....that's fine, now what do you want for dinner?

Skiptogetfit · 02/01/2025 19:35

I do think it’s best to ignore, ignore, ignore. Makes it easier for them when they grow out of it.

Timeforaglassofwine · 02/01/2025 19:36

ElangaScores · 02/01/2025 19:33

I’d just say, that’s nice dear and not give it any oxygen.

Edited

This really. My dd went through a phase of identifying as they them, then she grew up and became the strongest feminist.

Ablondiebutagoody · 02/01/2025 19:36

ElangaScores · 02/01/2025 19:33

I’d just say, that’s nice dear and not give it any oxygen.

Edited

Exactly that. "Ooh yes, I hear that's all the rage with you kids. No cutting your balls off until you are 18. Now, what would you like for dinner?"

Original poster
Chipshopninja · 02/01/2025 19:36

Too late for the "OK what's for dinner" response. Excellent idea but I've already messed that bit up.

Unfortunately school have been going along with this for months and not told us.

OP posts:
Knowitall69 · 02/01/2025 19:36

Yup..... ENTIRELY the right thing to do ...

"That's nice dear."

Move on.

Non-binary is nothing more than Goth 5.0

We are ALL "non-binary" if you think about it.

TeenLifeMum · 02/01/2025 19:37

When DD’s friends started all this (same age but she’s 16 now) we had a conversation about how babies are named and how when we found out we were expecting we excitedly and lovingly found her a name and, if she really hated it we would let her change it but she needs to be aware that that would be hurtful, even if that wasn’t her intention. The flippant way her friends renamed themselves brought this conversation about. We also spoke about loving her for being her but there’s no need to choose a label because she’s unique and so much more than a single label. She’s gay and has a really lovely girlfriend that’s a healthy relationship.

overall, following the conversation, don’t make a big thing of it. It is generally a phase. I don’t think dd being gay is a phase but the teenage trying to understand themselves is.

Belladavis · 02/01/2025 19:37

Confiscate phone, delete social media.
social contagion.

also ‘told us he was bi a few years ago’

what when he was 9/10? Is that not a bit young? Maybe I’m out of touch.

Belladavis · 02/01/2025 19:38

Chipshopninja · 02/01/2025 19:36

Too late for the "OK what's for dinner" response. Excellent idea but I've already messed that bit up.

Unfortunately school have been going along with this for months and not told us.

Please speak to the school, this is completely against current guidelines

Jifmicroliquid · 02/01/2025 19:38

Just ignore it. Smile and nod- “ok, that’s fine. What shall we do at the weekend?”
Don’t give it any headspace. It’s become a type of subculture amongst the youth, it helps them feel like they fit in to a ‘group’. The majority will grow out of it.

HippeePrincess · 02/01/2025 19:38

We’re all non binary

KilkennyCats · 02/01/2025 19:39

He came out as Bi a a couple of years ago
Why are preteens “coming out” as anything, ffs? Who does an 11 year old think gives a toss about their sexual preferences?
Just ignore this latest nonsense.

Original poster
Chipshopninja · 02/01/2025 19:39

He was 11 so 2.5 years
I don't know if that's too young or not.

We told him we loved him regardless but that he shouldn't label himself as anything as it was no one else's business

OP posts:
PriOn1 · 02/01/2025 19:39

It’s a long time until he can do much without your consent, OP. By that time, hopefully the whole house of cards will have tumbled.

Obviously a casual approach is probably best, as others have suggested, but this whole topic fills me with so much stress that it’s hard to stay calm enough. You have my sympathy.

ElangaScores · 02/01/2025 19:39

The school need to be told in no uncertain terms that they are operating without parental consent and they mustn’t refer to your son as non-binary/they them.
Id also be complaining to the governors and head teacher about what had been going on behind your back.Its totally outrageous to keep secrets from parents.

SleeplessInWherever · 02/01/2025 19:39

Chipshopninja · 02/01/2025 19:39

He was 11 so 2.5 years
I don't know if that's too young or not.

We told him we loved him regardless but that he shouldn't label himself as anything as it was no one else's business

That’s a really lovely answer.

lifebyfaith · 02/01/2025 19:40

Haven't been through it but am inclined to agree with the others to not feed the whole 'non binary' thing. Showing you're upset will turn it into a huge issue which will reinforce it to DS even more. He's found an 'identity' which is currently a novelty. It will wear off eventually if you don't make a big deal of it either way. Don't ignore it, just say you accept it and then don't give it any space. If he's getting no obvious reaction it may lose its novelty.

arcticpandas · 02/01/2025 19:40

Tell him your non binary as well. Tell him you are all human beings and to focus on school instead of trying to define himself. To be honest how many of us spend time thinking about whether we are male or female?

And he said he was bi a couple of years ago? At 11? My DS 11 isn't interested in girls (or boys) yet so I would say it's really early to define himself. Is he being influenced by older friends/online community?

Belladavis · 02/01/2025 19:41

arcticpandas · 02/01/2025 19:40

Tell him your non binary as well. Tell him you are all human beings and to focus on school instead of trying to define himself. To be honest how many of us spend time thinking about whether we are male or female?

And he said he was bi a couple of years ago? At 11? My DS 11 isn't interested in girls (or boys) yet so I would say it's really early to define himself. Is he being influenced by older friends/online community?

This. What age was he allowed internet access/ social media?

honestly I think you’d be surprised at the content a lot of these kids are accessing

fanaticalfairy · 02/01/2025 19:41

A bit weird that he was talking about wing bi sexual at 11.

Ladamesansmerci · 02/01/2025 19:42

Belladavis · 02/01/2025 19:37

Confiscate phone, delete social media.
social contagion.

also ‘told us he was bi a few years ago’

what when he was 9/10? Is that not a bit young? Maybe I’m out of touch.

I mean, I had crushes around age 10 on boyband members or etc, as did a lot of people. That's pretty normal imo.

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