Son has just told us he is non binary

[Chipshopninja]

13 years old

Wants us to use they/them

He came out as Bi a a couple of years ago and I was fine with that but this has really hit me hard

I'm terrified that this is going to lead to hormones and surgery.

Don't know why I'm posting tbh but feeling crappy because I didn't handle it well. I cried.

I can't call him my son anymore

He's my only child

Has anyone else been through this?

I wonder when men going bald is going to become a public responsibility: it’s their right to have hair like everybody else, and to live as haired persons without the stigma of the de-haired. NHS needs to be providing hair transplants to help them avoid the trauma.

“Transphobic” is now a compliment. It means sane, despite histrionics from the handbags at dawn brigade.

This is genius

Our HR refused to record someone's title as Mx 😂

Hmm. So. Let's try to be clear about this.

First, you claim some people do, whereas trans people don't, currently have the right to have their gender identity recognised and respected. But that is not a right anyone currently has.

(Although that point stands alone, it is further the case that no-one could have such a right, since there is no such thing as gender identity.)

As for your other proposed examples, none of them is a right trans people currently lack.

You're a bit mixed up. Do carry on thinking about it, though.

Let him be upset!

If you're frightened of him being upset every time you don't pander to what he wants, then you have made a very big rod for your own back.

You're the dog-he's the tail and the tail doesn't wag the dog.

No I don't because I'm not from the UK (but from Spain)- will Google it!

😂 loved this!

I was meant to quote this in my last post, just brilliant :)

My dear old grandad thought he was Bonnie Prince Charlie when he was in a care home.

We knew he wasn't Bonnie Prince Charlie.

But to be sure, we did have a family discussion and decided that we would rely on the evidence of our eyes and the fact that he had always been happy to be Mr Alfred Tennyson of 10, Acacia Avenue up until this point.

It seemed very unlikely then that he had morphed into Bonnie Prince Charlie.

We didn't know how to address him. He wanted to be called The King over the Water and referred to as Your Royal Highness.

Anyway, we asked the staff and they told us that he would get very upset if we didn't do this.

So, as we didn't want him to be upset, we nodded and agreed he was Bonnie Prince Charlie.

Of course, he believed it and we played along with it.

One day though, he found his way into Buckingham Palace and threatened to oust the usurper. People tried to blame us, his family, for encouraging him in his belief that he was really Bonnie Prince Charlie.

Is this how we deal with men who think they are women? Nod along with it.

I suppose that would work until we find them in women's prisons, refuges, changing rooms, sports, etc.

But what will we do when that all gets a bit much-after all we nodded along until we discovered it was too late and the genie can't be put back in the bottle.

Maybe we shouldn't have nodded along in the first place.

I don't think this is accurate. Those accused of witchcraft were in the minority, and accused because their behaviour wasn't in line with the majority of society.

Gender critical views (the whole spectrum from concerns about children through to willingness to attack anyone perceived as trans) are the majority. Look at the comments on any article or post on social media about anyone who is trans or "looks like they could be" trans (I'm thinking of people like Ilona Maher. It's a mainstream view.

As I've said a few times in this thread so far, I sit firmly on the fence (I guess I'd be considered a detransitioner to some small extent, I think there's a middle ground to be found between extreme responses on both sides) but hyperbole and suggesting that gender critical views are the minority isn't helpful.

Genderists themselves like to say how people who don't agree with all aspects of "trans demands rights" are the minority.

Maybe we shouldn't have nodded along in the first place.

That's it, really. A false expectation has been created, by people who meant well.

And that's also unhelpful and untrue. I don't know whether that's delusion or an attempt to make gender critical people question themselves, but it's demonstrably untrue.

not a good idea. taking his phone away will just make him angry plus in modern day it isn't realistic to keep it away forever so he'll just find himself in the same place. IMO everyone who's commented is right: say ok and keep on calling him the same name etc. Don't make a big deal out of it or it will turn into a big deal

Well, quite. She did ponder that she probably had excellent grounds for a discrimination tribunal, but decided to show mercy.

We need to start lauding common sense again. Harking back to my anecdote upthread about a sudden fad for fainting at our DDs' girls' grammar school. My friend (retired army major) worked in the Pastoral Office and was sick to death of fainting teenage girls prone on the floor (she likened it to something out of the Battle of the Somme).

So, as it was the start of January she just started throwing open all the windows in Pastoral 'to give the girls some air'. Very quickly the fainting girls got fed up of being freezing cold and hurried back to lessons. The fainting fad was over by the start of February.

And that's also unhelpful and untrue. I don't know whether that's delusion or an attempt to make gender critical people question themselves, but it's demonstrably untrue.

Yes, just out today new survey results

https://sex-matters.org/posts/updates/poll-shows-support-for-sex-meaning-sex-in-equality-act

@theamooberry and why is making a child angry the worst thing in the world? When we tell our toddlers no more ice cream as it's bad for them, we don't give in to their demands for more. When older teens get "angry" at not being allowed to stay out until all hours or drink underage, we don't give in then either for the sake of their welfare. Why is smartphone use any different?

You've given an example of what you think is homophobia, not a definition of it.

Definition of homophobia is: irrational fear of, aversion to, or discrimination against homosexuality or homosexuals

Plus, saying non-binary people have main character syndrome isn't addressing an immutable trait like sexual orientation. It's criticizing the behavior of non-binary people (e.g. demanding control of everyone's speech), hence people who claim non-binary status. That's not an irrational fear and it's not even discrimination. It's judgement. Something we all do. Lot of people don't like anti-social behavior. A lot of non-binary people are quite anti-social in their behavior. But there's hope! While they can't change their sex nor their sexual orientation nor their race (characteristics at risk of discrimination), people can change their behavior.

The irony is not lost on the rest of us. When Eresh refuses to engage further, it's not okay, but when you refuse to engage further, it's fine.

This

Did I say it wasn’t ok? I’m totally fine with it. I support it in fact. I’m just not surprised that was the moment.

Every time I see "Mx." I think 'minx' and it feels like someone is announcing sexy time. Comes off as spicy.

OP, is it possible that your son has seen the gender spectrum stuff like the Barbie - GI Joe scale either at school or online? Most people wouldn't be fully female or male on that scale so they would be non binary.
Now I think that's just nonsense but for a teen being told that all the gender spectrum nonsense is actually true then the logical conclusion would be that they were non binary (especially when they're told that only transphobic bigots don't believe it's true)

because I openly support trans and nonbinary people and their rights. I often get one of the "we can always tell" crowd, telling me "you don't pass" and "whatever, dude, you'll always be a man" and even "if you owned a mirror you'd know you were a man"

that particular absolute charmer of a human being, I offered to send him the contents of my mooncup, as I was having a really clotty bleed at the time. funnily enough, he didn't take me up on that.