To leave DH after/before Disneyworld holiday?

[Greenstorybook]

I want to leave DH. I’ve wanted to do this for a long time but practicalities and not having the b*lls to make the change have kept me.

We have a family holiday to Disney, Florida booked for May. This will be the second time taking DC there and I’m desperate to be able to take them for a second time; they would also love to go back and talk about wanting to go again frequently. DC currently don’t know this holiday is booked or that there was any possibility of going for a second time.

We had mutually agreed to this holiday when things were better between DH and I than they are now. My plan was to have one last family holiday, take DC to somewhere that i would unlikely be able to afford to do on my own, and then allow our relationship to naturally reach the end when we got back.

However, I’m so unhappy right now and I’m struggling to even be happy in front of my children. I feel that realistically my children would most benefit from my happiness than a holiday to Disney. Therefore I feel that I should consider leaving now and cancelling the holiday?

I do worry that actually the holiday would end up being awful as DH and I aren’t always on the best terms but could hide it from DC to some extent. But will it end with sour memories for myself, when really it should be a holiday that leaves positive memories?

on the flip side, I’ve lived with this sadness and wanting to leave for so long now that I think “what’s an extra few months for the sake of being able to take my children to Disney?” - somewhere where they really want to go to again and I probably wouldn’t be able to afford to do as a single parent. They’re only young once and I want them to have the experience again.

What do I do?
Do i put my own happiness first and risk never being able to take them to Disney again?
Or, do I suck it up as I’ve lived feeling this miserable for so long, carry on feeling this way for a short while longer so that DC can have one last amazing experience?

If it would avoid paying out thousands of pounds, cancel it.

There are other holidays and other experiences. The cost of that trip may be enough to set you up in your new place or start your new life. It could be thousands on a miserable experience.

I understand your rationale but if you feel unable to continue pretending now it may get worse before May.

Good luck!

Is the Holiday booked & paid for, and would you loose any money for cancelling?
may is a long time away, could you take someone else in place of your dp?

I can’t work out how to vote as I don’t understand the options- but in your situation I’d probably go on the holiday. What is making you unhappy in the relationship?

Why is Disney your benchmark for your children's happiness? They'll be fine if they don't go for a second time.

How much would you be losing if you cancel?
If you are that unhappy I doubt you will last until May.

If they know about it and are excited for it I would go, because the cancelled holiday will just add to and emphasise the shock/trauma of the family breakdown. If they don't know about it and you can get the money back then cancel it and start the process of separating.

Please clarify your voting options.

Personally, I would probably try to get through the holiday for the reasons you gave, and as you've been doing this for a while already. But if it will be too hard on you, then split.

The refund possibility would be a crucial factor, considering that the children don't know about the holiday.

Both very difficult choices, sorry for your situation.

If it was a bit closer, I would probably say stick it out but 5 months is a long time to live with someone you don't want to.

To add, a 3 figure deposit is paid. The total amount of the holiday will be a 5 figure sum. So all that would be lost at this moment is the 3 figure amount if cancelled now.

I'd cancel.

Is it paid for already? If so and you can bear it I think I’d go and try make it as special as I could but if youre not safe doing that then no don’t go.
I left my husband in the summer we had a weekend for the kids already booked so we all went and me and him had separate beds but he spent the whole weekend trying to coercive/ force me to have sex and it was awful so it really depends on your partner too.

I’d cancel

Given your update about the deposit I would cancel. But v easy for me to say when it isn't my life! It sounds like the impact on your own mental health until May will be awful. You need your resilience to get through separation / divorce / support your kids etc

Cancel. Most kids never get to go at all, if they don’t know it won’t hurt them

I would cancel as it's a long time to be unhappy for the sake of a holiday where you are both pretending to be okay

My Dh's ex did this one last holiday thing, it was miserable for dh and left a bad taste as he realised she just wanted the holiday bank rolled. I couldn't do that to someone. Save the money and take the kids away on your own.

Divorce can be expensive. I wouldn't be wasting 10k on a holiday knowing that I might need that money to set me up or pay for legal fees.

I’d cancel.

I would cancel and start the process to separate.

Can you take them without the husband?

What’s he doing on a daily basis to make you so miserable?
Id go on the holiday, as the kids will be looking forward to it.

The kids don't know. But you can be sure they'll be picking up on the unhappiness vibes. Cancel and move on. You'll all be better off

Can you sit with your dh and discuss this. Does he know the marriage is ending.

Cancel.

Cancel. Your DC will be better off with a happier mum than a holiday.

I've taken my DD to all sorts of locations/luxury holidays and the one she talks about the most was a caravan stay in Woolacombe, body boarding etc.