To leave DH after/before Disneyworld holiday?

[Greenstorybook]

I want to leave DH. I’ve wanted to do this for a long time but practicalities and not having the b*lls to make the change have kept me.

We have a family holiday to Disney, Florida booked for May. This will be the second time taking DC there and I’m desperate to be able to take them for a second time; they would also love to go back and talk about wanting to go again frequently. DC currently don’t know this holiday is booked or that there was any possibility of going for a second time.

We had mutually agreed to this holiday when things were better between DH and I than they are now. My plan was to have one last family holiday, take DC to somewhere that i would unlikely be able to afford to do on my own, and then allow our relationship to naturally reach the end when we got back.

However, I’m so unhappy right now and I’m struggling to even be happy in front of my children. I feel that realistically my children would most benefit from my happiness than a holiday to Disney. Therefore I feel that I should consider leaving now and cancelling the holiday?

I do worry that actually the holiday would end up being awful as DH and I aren’t always on the best terms but could hide it from DC to some extent. But will it end with sour memories for myself, when really it should be a holiday that leaves positive memories?

on the flip side, I’ve lived with this sadness and wanting to leave for so long now that I think “what’s an extra few months for the sake of being able to take my children to Disney?” - somewhere where they really want to go to again and I probably wouldn’t be able to afford to do as a single parent. They’re only young once and I want them to have the experience again.

What do I do?
Do i put my own happiness first and risk never being able to take them to Disney again?
Or, do I suck it up as I’ve lived feeling this miserable for so long, carry on feeling this way for a short while longer so that DC can have one last amazing experience?

As the children don't know and you're miserable, I'd cancel. That money can be used towards the divorce.

If you are genuinely serious about splitting up from your husband I'd definitely cancel.

I think it would feel very weird to your children to have a wonderful holiday and then a sudden family breakdown. Maybe even a bit traumatic!

Otherwise I'd attempt some couple's counselling in the run up to the holiday to set May as a target for a happy new start together.

Your reasoning is a bit off, to be honest. So what if children want to go for the second time? If they then want to go for the third time, would you stay in a relationship that doesn't work for you just because you are "desperate to take them there"? This just doesn't make any sense.
And also, how would you feel about yourself seeing that you are basically tricking your husband into paying for a holiday when you know you are planning to leave him immediately after?
The decent thing to do is to talk to your husband, explain that you want to end the relationship and ask him whether he feels it is possible to keep the family holiday in May. You are still joint parents, there is no reason why holiday needs to be cancelled if you are no longer married if you end this relationship on good terms.

Cancel it, your happiness is worth way more than a holiday. Imagine if you end up rowing constantly, it would be dreadful. Maybe in a year or two, you could look at Disneyland Paris or Efteling (Netherlands).

Cancel.
I know you'd like to take them again, but it's not necessary. Getting your happiness & work towards your new future is more important than a resentful snappy holiday that will stress you, your relationship & finances. A 5 figure sum is better spent preparing you both for your separate parenting futures that will ultimately benefit your kids than a short trip.

I'd cancel OP, the chances are that the way you are feeling now, is only going to get worse, and if it all blows up while you are there, you are all going to be miserable, and stuck with each other until you're due to fly home. Also, even if you manage to put on a front of being happy while you are there, your children are then going to be even more confused when you leave, as they'll think that Mum and Dad were happy together while they were on holiday, so separating won't make any sense at all. Bite the bullet and get it over with.

Also, no one knows what the future holds. When I left my first husband, I thought I would be poor for the rest of my life. I then met my now DH who was on minimum wage, so didn't expect things to improve, but with a small inheritance from his DM, and careful money management over the years, we're actually very comfortably off, own our own home free of mortgage, and have a good amount in savings, whereas my ex is now struggling to pay off his 'interest only' mortgage.

What your children want won’t come into it - you just have to do your best for yourself and them day by day rather than focus on big trips away.

Can’t a grandparent go, or another family member? So you don’t lose the cash? Seems pointless for the kids not to go, if the money is already spent, maybe you could sit it out?

Cancel.
There will be other holidays.
You're going to need the money.

Are you paying for the holiday roughly equally between you, or is your 'D'H paying? If it's mostly him I would worry that he'll feel taken advantage of if you leave straight after and make the divorce/childcare/financial negotiations that much more difficult.

I agree.

I'd check that all you'll lose is the deposit before canceling.

Cancel it. It's just effin Disney at the end of the day. It's not that amazing. It's literally the concept people use to sum up the fake £££ 'dream' life that has nothing to do with true happiness. Suffering for months for a few days of a fraught ersatz happy family holiday that costs thousands is madness. If your kids have any nous, they won't be fooled and certainly won't when they look back and see that it was a charade you put on and then split straight after. Start the new year trusting your gut and validating your own feelings. Cancel it and separate and by May you'll be further along and one genuinely happy day out at some rainy seaside resort will be way more amazing than Disney with your DH.

Cancel, life's too short.

divorces are expensive, I wouldn't want the debt or the loss of savings, cancel.

Why do you want go break up?
Has he cheated on you or is he abusive in some way?

I think ‘happiness’ is an unrealistic barometer for marriage when you have young children and rubbing along ok, is my benchmark. I’ve seen friends break up who later regretted it as they discovered that the grass isn’t always greener.

You also haven’t said what your finances will be like post split. Can you afford to spend several grand on a holiday? FWIW, we’ve never taken DC on a proper holiday abroad other than to visit relatives so I don’t view holidays as the be all and end all of childhood. DS is 16 next spring and we’ll be taking our first family holiday abroad for a week next summer.

I think you should cancel. They've been to Disney once they don't need to go again, most children never go. They'll be happier in the long run with happy parents.

Cancel

Cancel and accept the deposit loss.

Disney to most people is a once in a lifetime thing and since the kids have already been, they will have stories to tell their kids and possibly go again in the future with their own families. I think it would be sensible to cancel the Holiday and move on with your life. A few more months of being miserable isn't as easy as it sounds and like you say, the holiday will be tainted with impending doom.

Unless you are absolutely swimming in money, cancel it.

Divorce is expensive. You don't have to stay in an unhappy marriage for financial security, but you'd be crazy to fritter away £10k+ JUST at the moment you are going to need maximum financial security/protection. In the long term, your children will genuinely not care about whether or not they got a second trip to Disney.

Cancel cancel cancel.

Please make an appointment as soon as you can to talk over your depression with a professional person. Samaritans maybe able to help as to who to see and what route to go down. Other than that your GP. You don’t say how old your DCs are and if you work outside the home, which affects us all.

Cancel now and separate now.

I would keep the booking but get 'ill' just before. Dc go with their father only.

This way the DC get their holiday and you get some time at home to get legal and financial advice and plan your new life.

Cancel it. It's just a holiday that the DC don't know about and will be crap anyway