To leave DH after/before Disneyworld holiday?

[Greenstorybook]

I want to leave DH. I’ve wanted to do this for a long time but practicalities and not having the b*lls to make the change have kept me.

We have a family holiday to Disney, Florida booked for May. This will be the second time taking DC there and I’m desperate to be able to take them for a second time; they would also love to go back and talk about wanting to go again frequently. DC currently don’t know this holiday is booked or that there was any possibility of going for a second time.

We had mutually agreed to this holiday when things were better between DH and I than they are now. My plan was to have one last family holiday, take DC to somewhere that i would unlikely be able to afford to do on my own, and then allow our relationship to naturally reach the end when we got back.

However, I’m so unhappy right now and I’m struggling to even be happy in front of my children. I feel that realistically my children would most benefit from my happiness than a holiday to Disney. Therefore I feel that I should consider leaving now and cancelling the holiday?

I do worry that actually the holiday would end up being awful as DH and I aren’t always on the best terms but could hide it from DC to some extent. But will it end with sour memories for myself, when really it should be a holiday that leaves positive memories?

on the flip side, I’ve lived with this sadness and wanting to leave for so long now that I think “what’s an extra few months for the sake of being able to take my children to Disney?” - somewhere where they really want to go to again and I probably wouldn’t be able to afford to do as a single parent. They’re only young once and I want them to have the experience again.

What do I do?
Do i put my own happiness first and risk never being able to take them to Disney again?
Or, do I suck it up as I’ve lived feeling this miserable for so long, carry on feeling this way for a short while longer so that DC can have one last amazing experience?

I’d say cancel. It seems like muddled priorities to even consider staying for this reason. No harshness intended, I imagine it’s an effect of the tension and unhappiness you’re dealing with.

I’m sure Disney is great but I wouldn’t say it’s worth making children spend several extra months in a sort of pretend ‘everything is FINE’ family dynamic.

My view is, always be authentic with your dc in an age-appropriate way. They are amazingly good at knowing when things are not okay.

Cancel and split.

Are you sure about this? For most holidays, if you cancel a substantial portion of the total is still due for payment and it’s not just a case of you only lose your deposit.

I’d cancel. Yes your kids might have great memories - but also how would they feel looking back knowing you split sooner after.

If the separation is 100% happening then I would absolutely cancel, rather than spending 5 figures on a holiday.

I have never been to Disneyland, nor was I ever taken there as a child, so maybe my view of the place is tarnished a bit...but I feel like this is whats wrong with Disney, its a place of rather fake / forced FUN FUN FUN HAPPINESS HAPPINESS ALL THE TIME!!! And life is not like that. And indeed you are considering going there to put on fake happiness in a loveless marriage, for the sake of children, and then end your marriage right after. I think that would be more upsetting for the children than not going.

You want to leave. You should leave. You don’t need anyone’s permission to do this. The holiday will likely be awful anyway.

It’s worth exploring what’s really stopping you from leaving. It cannot be Disney - your kids have already been once, the holiday is still 5 months away, you dislike your spouse enough to not want to be with him at all, and you won’t lose much money if you cancel now. Does cancelling the holiday symbolise the finality of your much agonised over decision? Is that why you are afraid to do it?

Cancel. Why shell out thousands to spend time with someone you dislike. As the kids don't even know about the holiday they won't care. Also how weird for them to come back from a dream holiday where you are play acting happy families and then you suddenly break up. Massive confusion.

How "amazing" would any holiday be in these circumstances?

Be honest.
Is your H thinking this holiday could save your marriage?
It obviously won’t and will cost money you can’t afford.
Cancel the holiday and stop playing games .

Does your DH have any idea that you are planning to leave? Has this been coming for a while or will this be a real shock?

As others have said, if DC don’t know about the trip I would take the financial hit and cancel it and put plans in place to leave. It is going to be an upheaval and great upset for everyone involved but an extra few months and a trip to Disneyland could potentially make it even worse.

If you feel like this now, imagine how you will feel come May if you are only staying so you can do this holiday. Cancel and forfeit your deposit. Your child would rather see you happy than in a toxic environment. You could always save up and take her yourself at a later date - or even to Eurodisney.

You need to be honest with your family OP. It sounds like it's you, not your kids, who doesn't want to miss out tbh as you're admitting that you wouldn't be able to fund it yourself. It's a really dick move to go just because you want a holiday to Disney that's funded by your partner who you can't even stand any more by the sounds if it.

Surely the kids don't have to miss out either way. The solutions are 1) your DH takes the kids 2) you find a way of funding the holiday and take the kids or 3) You are honest with each other and the kids but all go on this one last holiday together as friends. Any of these options is better than you lying to the father of your child and your children all for the sake of you seeing a few flashing lights and eating a few churros. What are you 12?!

‘However, I’m so unhappy right now and I’m struggling to even be happy in front of my children. I feel that realistically my children would most benefit from my happiness than a holiday to Disney.’

I agree your happiness trumps everything!

I would cancel it, especially since the children don’t know about it.
Can you imagine looking back at the pictures and thinking how deeply unhappy you were?
They will love any holiday where their mum is happy and able to be present with them, even if it’s not Disney.

Sunken costs fallacy. Better to lose the few hundred quid now than £10,000+ if everything falls apart the last week of April.

How would you feel if he took them without you?

Cancel and take them solo to DLP for a fraction

If you're sure you're not tied in to pay more at this point then I would cut your losses and cancel.

Lose the few hundred now and spilt. Don't keep things dragging on.

Cancel it. I’m sure your DC are aware of the tension and would rather have a happier mum

I agree with PPs that Disney is not really the utopia of happiness for children. Sure, it's a wonderful place if it is your thing but it is not necessarily Disney that will create the memories, it is what you do with your children.

My two grown up DCs regularly reminisce about our family holidays in Cornwall when they were young (though having said that we used to pay £500 a week for a cottage which now costs more like £5k so that is bonkers!)

What I mean is, you can make wonderful memories close to home and show your DCs that you love them without having to take them to Disney and/or spend a fortune. I would cancel OP. If you don't, you'll spend the next 5 months feeling anxious about the trip while trying to keep a smile on your face - that will be tough. Also spending a holiday with DH will also be pretty awful for you, and possibly all of you, if there is an atmosphere which it sounds like there will be.

Your voting options aren't clear so the vote isn't going to give you any useful indication of people' opinions on the situation.

I think you should cancel and separate. You're very unhappy. You know you want to leave and if you don't do it now perhaps you will lose courage to do so. After the holiday there'll be the next thing to stay for - perhaps a family wedding, or yet another holiday, or DH becomes ill and you stay until he is better.
There is no good time to split because it's always going to be painful so you should do it now.

This. Playing happy families on the holiday of a lifetime and then boom, separated would seem hard to get your head round.

On that basis I'd cancel if there's no way forward. You will both need the money for your new lives.

Cancel. It'll be awful.
Great that DC unaware.

Cancel , but check that you won’t need to pay lots more money , if that’s the case you need to agree with your husband which of you will go .

Cancel. Book a UK theme park holiday stay for just you and DC. My DC recently went to a UK park and said “ this is just like Disney” or something similar. They had a great time, hotel and services were really good quality. You can go ahead with proceedings and continue to make happy memories with the DC without risk of bad atmosphere.