OP re your Apple pay on his phone, just Google how to remove it remotely from his phone. I think you can do it via iCloud but sort it quickly. Less hassle than having to get a new card sorted.
On him...
He seems to think just because I earn well he should only eat luxury food from m&s.
You are on different pages here: if he does this when you have kids, your food bill is going to be off the charts. As you said, a treat once a week is fine, more than that is not.
when I try to save a lot for future children and he’s quite happy to splash the cash as long as it’s not on his card.
So he wants kids but is happy to waste the money you're trying to save for them? He's bad with money.
I do not care that there is a significant wage gap, just that he uses my card to pay for his more expensive tastes but when he uses his card he’ll go to cheaper shops
Of course! He sees you as HIS sugar mummy, not the mother of his future kids.
I will suggest homemade meals from scratch and I enjoy cooking, but if he finishes work first he’ll use my Apple Pay and purchase dine in meals for £15 and stuff for his work lunch the next day. When I bring it up, he says ah stop being so tight.
He's used to being a spendthrift which is why he has debt. He hasn't changed. If he wants to be a SAHD he should know how to cook decent, healthy meals for his family. Not wanting to fritter away up to £75 a week on convenience meals is not being "tight".
he discussed getting a ‘pre-op‘
Thick much?
He can’t communicate, a simple discussion turns into ‘if you want to debate get with a lawyer’ or the silent treatment.
he will just roll his eyes repeatedly at me and he doesn’t take anyone’s POV other than his own.
No healthy happy relationship exists where your partner treats a discussion with their partner like this. You will never be able to fruitfully address anything significant with this man. How do you expect a relationship to thrive when it's with someone like this?
I have some teen/early adolescent trauma and he knows all about that, although sometimes will use it in an argument - for example ‘ah this is why they say to stay away from the trauma girls
So, happy to use your horrible teen experiences against you. Abusive pieces of shit do this, not good solid life partners.
Debts are pre moving in together, he was renting alone and ran up debts with the utilities. I’ve not ever said the whole wage goes on repayments, but he does need money for his hobbies and for leisure.
So he's sponging off you then as he has insufficient money to meet his obligations (like feeding himself) before spending on non-essentials. If he can't look after himself properly how do you expect him to take care of your kids? A 6 figure salary is not a bottomless money pit. Kids are very expensive without a spendthrift in the picture
He is good with little ones and he’s good at tidying/cleaning without needing prompting. That is the one thing I do know is I would always come home to a clean house.
He's going to turn out to be the most fucking expensive cleaner with a golden dick in existence.
He wants children, and wants to be a stay at home dad as that’s his dream and will save on childcare.
You can see how his dream is going to pan out and your nightmare will begin. You might well "save" on childcare but it will cost you dearly every which way in the long run.