To sleep with a 25 year old

[Lolalovestheflowers]

I am 43. After a very unhappy marriage that ended two years ago I feel I have finally found myself.
I have lost a lot of weight over the 2 years, got my friends and social life back and a good job I'm in a good place.

A couple of months ago I was out with some friends for a girly night, meal cocktails and onto a local pub.
We were having a great night and I was enjoying having fun.
A young man approached me that evening and started chatting me up, I had a giggle with him amd I was flattered but I said look your way too young for me as sweet as you are you surely must have many young women after you and no I'm out with the girls.
We both laughed , said nice to meet you and me and my friends moved onto the next pub.
Since then I've bumped into him in the local village I have recently moved to at the local shop. You would have thought it would have been awkward, it wasn't we smiled said our hellos , were polite, and went our own way.

He then sent a friend request on fb , I declined it. He then messaged me on fb asking to go for dinner. I ignored him initially.
One evening after a glass of wine I replied and said again you seem lovely , however your too young for me , take care.

On the 21st Dec I was out in local pub celebrating my best friends birthday , he walked in with a couple of friends near the end of the evening , he came over and said hello, we were all quite drunk by then and I must admit I was flattered he was flirting with me.
He said have you recently moved to the village i said yes and we then both realised we are actually neighbours.... 6 doors apart.

End of the night came and we both went separate ways and said goodbyes
My friends said there was a massive chemistry between the two of us and although he is young he seemed a nice, respectful guy

Since that evening we gave msg back and forth a little. Things heated up last night and he wanted me to meet him out.
He's saying I'm not too young for you , please just give me a chance.
I declined as I was staying in.
I really do fancy the pants off him, I know it will be nothing but a physical thing if I ever decide to meet him
However I can't help but feel it is morally wrong?

Opinions please
Tell me to sort myself and move on if you like, I'm all ears 😂

• update for anyone that is interested.

We met for lunch today we were both very open and honest about what we want. He said he sees why I would be hesitant given his age and men his age normally talk and I'm not wrong in thinking this. He claims he is mature for his age ( I believe he is) He said he's a very private person. He has a business and is also aware people talk and he said he wouldn't disrespect me or jeopardise either of our reputations with a stupid kiss and tell .
Unfortunately he's looking for something more than a one time thing & is looking for a deeper connection. He would like to date me , get to know me and see where it goes .
I'm not looking for anything other than a fling. Interestingly his answer to that was so does a woman like you only look at a 25 year old like me as casual sex then? I said well yes I couldn't see it being anything more if I'm honest with you. Sex and friends only, because of the age gap & the realities that surround that.
I then asked him if he has a thing for more mature women and he said no not usually but I felt we connected when we met and couldn't stop thinking about you & I like you.
He also felt a more mature woman wouldn't be into playing games & he's been messed about & hurt. I did reassure him there are plenty of women out there that our his age & wouldn't play games .
I get the feeling although he is mature for his age he is very sensitive and probably not emotionally mature enough for a no strings attached type of thing . Conclusion we said we wouldn't take it any further, but will say hello and be civil and friendly if we see each other around. A lovely man, polite, good conversation, no sleaziness ( which unfortunately ive experienced with men my age and above over this last year!) and will make a great husband / partner for someone in the future.

• I had to resist in saying your parents have raised you well 😂

Such craaaazy misogyny and patriarchy- bullshit on this thread!!

Totally ! It's quite depressing 😕

Sorry it didn’t go quite the way you had hoped but still a nice confidence boost and you may have a new friend for occasional lunch. Stay strong and enjoy yourself.

Thank you . It's taught me not to judge and be ageist myself. Just because a man is in his 20s doesn't automatically mean he's a lad or a player and I shouldn't have assumed that about him. We continue to grow & learn in life I guess 😊 I feel it was 100% the right decision. He seems a bit vulnerable & sensitive

@Lolalovestheflowers aw it’s nice that you parted ways with a nice chat.

A little besides the point, but my DP is younger than me (28) and he’s far more respectful than any men my age or older I’ve met before. No sleaziness, no slut shaming or talking down on women, knows how to do everything around the house without expecting a woman to do it for him. I suspect a lot of younger men have grown up seeing women as more equal and are less prone to acting all macho.

Yes its definitely nice to see some men from the younger generation like this.

Wow found you on this thread determined to believe something opposite to that of most other posters

It takes a certain type of blind arrogance or panicked desperation to not believe things written right in front of you.

You come across as someone very uptight. Like a modern day Mary Whitehouse. Or one of those puritanical Republicans who lash out at the world and it turns out they are married to husbands who have been frequenting rent boys

Not sure who you are but lots of comments are saying the same. Don't know who anyone is in the last paragraph.

Gosh, that was a bit harsh, I reckon. We are all writing what we believe and want to put our positions out there. What's the point in slagging off another member just because you think differrently. OP has walked away from the danger and as it turned out the guy wasn't just looking for a quickie but a relationship so they did'nt match.

Although it hasn’t worked out how you wanted it to OP, that was a really nice update. He sounds like a really lovely guy and fair play to you for not stringing him along and letting him believe you’re interested in more just to get a shag (like so many older men would do to younger women!)

To be fair, the 20-something men I know do tend to be more respectful and as someone said above, I wonder if it’s because they’ve grown up in a more equal society. I know a 27 year old man at work who is so lovely and hard working and easy to get on with, married his child hood sweetheart and has a young daughter, is investing his savings for retirement and is just a really nice respectful guy.

Oh it's fine, the weirdo was trying hard all evening to be insulting on another thread, just realised the user 😂🤦‍♀️ but just embarrassed herself.

Good God!

Who is this bloody bloke who, whilst having lunch with a hot woman clearly up for it ruins it all by talk of long term commitments and so on, on a first date!

Sure, that may come later. But six months later, not six minutes.

If it were the other way round, with a woman giving a first date man all that stuff, running shoes would be indicated.

The youth of today eh? How times have changed. 😂

It would be great if Mumsnet flagged grouchy members so we could take them with a pinch of salt !

Honest answer: In my experience, misogyny is 'rampant' among women toward other women. As this thread is highlighting perfectly...

Hmm... that's a sweet update OP and I understand your reasoning but I would always wonder if he was 'the one who got away'.
Thoroughly decent men are hard to find (especially in a small village!) and it would be a shame to dismiss someone you could potentially be happy with just because of the age gap.

I’ve not seen that.
I’ve seen women saying they would be disgusted in a man doing this with a much younger woman so they feel the same when it’s an older woman.
I’ve seen concerns about the encounter becoming an issue because of the proximity in which they live.
I’ve seen concerns about the maturity of 25 year old men and how this may result in OP having a difficult time in the village.

I have however, seen misogynistic posts saying women who have disagreed with OP are old, ugly and jealous prudes. I’ve seen misogynistic posts saying women are to blame for the misogyny of men.

@TENSsion it makes me laugh that of course the opinion when the roles are reversed are completely different just on another recent post.

Using the fact his dad is 70 as a reason you wouldn't fancy him is ridiculous when you are 43 and wanting to shag a 25 year old.

have you read the same thread as me? The OP has been called gross and a skank and had numerous vomit emojis thrown at her…

Using the fact his dad is 70 as a reason you wouldn't fancy him is ridiculous when you are 43 and wanting to shag a 25 year old.

Why? I'm in my forties and would rather shag a 25 year old than a 70 year old in general.

Gross and vomit emojis aren’t misogynistic. They would as easily be used towards a 45 year old man asking the same question.

❤️ l think it’s time MN called time on these types of responses, generally. I’ve also been told on MN that they had names for girls like me when they were at school! Yep! Happy girls, who went on to have professional jobs.

Gross, skank, slut and slag is no way one woman should address another. There are (some) men in the world for that.

It's making me laugh that people on this thread are saying the people saying they think it seems desperate and weird are jealous or misogynistic 😂 everyone will have a different opinion on each situation. For what it's worth, I'm not a 40 plus year old woman wishing a 25 year old man was after me for sex, I'm a married 30 year old woman who is genuinely embarrased for the situation and can't comprehend why a women in her 40's would consider sleeping with a man of 25 instead of going for a man her own age, saving herself from being the talk of the town.

Accept the fact that people are different perhaps? Have different wants, different desires, different needs. Likewise, some people can’t understand why a woman would want to sleep with another woman, why people opt not to marry, but that doesn’t make those people wrong either.

And in your 30s you don’t have a total idea of how you will feel in your 40s.