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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To sleep with a 25 year old

568 replies

Lolalovestheflowers · 01/01/2025 20:28

I am 43. After a very unhappy marriage that ended two years ago I feel I have finally found myself.
I have lost a lot of weight over the 2 years, got my friends and social life back and a good job I'm in a good place.

A couple of months ago I was out with some friends for a girly night, meal cocktails and onto a local pub.
We were having a great night and I was enjoying having fun.
A young man approached me that evening and started chatting me up, I had a giggle with him amd I was flattered but I said look your way too young for me as sweet as you are you surely must have many young women after you and no I'm out with the girls.
We both laughed , said nice to meet you and me and my friends moved onto the next pub.
Since then I've bumped into him in the local village I have recently moved to at the local shop. You would have thought it would have been awkward, it wasn't we smiled said our hellos , were polite, and went our own way.

He then sent a friend request on fb , I declined it. He then messaged me on fb asking to go for dinner. I ignored him initially.
One evening after a glass of wine I replied and said again you seem lovely , however your too young for me , take care.

On the 21st Dec I was out in local pub celebrating my best friends birthday , he walked in with a couple of friends near the end of the evening , he came over and said hello, we were all quite drunk by then and I must admit I was flattered he was flirting with me.
He said have you recently moved to the village i said yes and we then both realised we are actually neighbours.... 6 doors apart.

End of the night came and we both went separate ways and said goodbyes
My friends said there was a massive chemistry between the two of us and although he is young he seemed a nice, respectful guy

Since that evening we gave msg back and forth a little. Things heated up last night and he wanted me to meet him out.
He's saying I'm not too young for you , please just give me a chance.
I declined as I was staying in.
I really do fancy the pants off him, I know it will be nothing but a physical thing if I ever decide to meet him
However I can't help but feel it is morally wrong?

Opinions please
Tell me to sort myself and move on if you like, I'm all ears 😂

OP posts:
nzeire · 03/01/2025 00:29

I guess you have to be prepared for people judging. I always thought I was quite laid back, but when a friend of mine had a fling with a girl half her age I couldn’t quite feel the same about her after that. The young girl was an adult, grown up etc, but I couldn’t help but think of the power imbalance and the vulnerability of her.
actually, come to think of it, when I was 25 I had a fling with a man of 45, I look back now and think what a bloody creep he was

Jumpingthruhoops · 03/01/2025 00:31

PoppyRoseBucky · 02/01/2025 14:34

Oh, get over yourself.

Morally repugnant? Get a fucking grip.

OP, I suspect a lot of these replies of "desperate," "grim," "creepy," "gross" and now-"morally repugnant," are coming from women who, at your age, had zero chance of attracting a man in his mid-20s.

There's nothing wrong with saying that you, yourself, wouldn't feel comfortable doing it-but it's a huge leap to say that it's creepy or, indeed, morally repugnant.

Who is she harming here? A full-grown adult who has probably had his fair share of flings before?

So long as both of them are aware of what it is and what they want-it's fine. It's not likely to turn into anything serious, so what is the problem? Do you all think people in their mid-20s are children now?

OP, I suspect a lot of these replies of "desperate," "grim," "creepy," "gross" and now-"morally repugnant," are coming from women who, at your age, had zero chance of attracting a man in his mid-20s.

100% this! 👏👏

MidnightMeltdown · 03/01/2025 01:39

OP, I suspect a lot of these replies of "desperate," "grim," "creepy," "gross" and now-"morally repugnant," are coming from women who, at your age, had zero chance of attracting a man in his mid-20s.

Oh come on, you can't be serious. I'm 5 years younger than OP and not single, but when I was it wasn't exactly uncommon for much younger men to try it on.

He's 25 ffs, most men that age will shag anything that breathes, it's not exactly what I would call flattering! Young guys aren't known for their high standards when it comes to sex. Just look at how they queued up around the block to be 1 of 100 shagging Lily Philips! They'll do anything for the 'experience' and he's probably sensed that OP might be up for it.

On the other hand, maybe this guy is genuinely really interested in the OP. After all, he asked her out to dinner, not for a quick shag round the back of the kebab shop, so he's clearly prepared to put in some effort. The point is, it hasn't actually been established whether he's looking for a romantic relationship or not. All kinds of assumptions have been made about him and his motives, but nobody actually knows. Maybe it's not just a shag to him. Would OP be prepared for that?

It's not about sexism either, it's equally grim when middle aged men decide to shag young adults. If the younger partner is over 30, the age gap isn't quite so bad (although not advisable imo), but 25 is still very young.

TENSsion · 03/01/2025 05:38

Jumpingthruhoops · 02/01/2025 23:27

Are you joking? She's 43... not applying for her bus pass!
And so what if people talk!? We really need to stop giving a shit about what others might think or say. You've got one life: live it!

Yes. I’m serious. That’s how many 25 year old men talk about women in their 40s.

If she doesn’t mind that, good for her.

But I wouldn’t like to be the laughing stock of the village I had just moved to.

Moonwalkies · 03/01/2025 06:17

Some of these comments are wild!

laughing stock of the village
Shag a granny
Talking about men telling their mates as if women don't do this

Honestlyhonay · 03/01/2025 06:19

notacooldad · 01/01/2025 22:55

It would be a no from me.
I wouldnt like it if the ages were the other way round and he was the older one.

*Honestlyhonay · Today 22:46

YANBU: definitely sex him
YABU: girly night**
Don't be daft. Girly night is a perfectly ok if you want to call it that. No need to police anyone's expressions

Fucking hell it was only a joke chill out - maybe consider sexing a 25 year old?

NameChanger91736 · 03/01/2025 06:25

However I can't help but feel it is morally wrong

This is what it would be for me. Although perfectly legal because your both proper adults, it would still feel really wrong to me, sleeping with someone so much younger.

I'm not saying it is wrong, your both adults and can do whatever makes you both happy. Just for me personally, the age gap is too large and it wouldnt sit right with me

NameChanger91736 · 03/01/2025 06:28

TENSsion · 03/01/2025 05:38

Yes. I’m serious. That’s how many 25 year old men talk about women in their 40s.

If she doesn’t mind that, good for her.

But I wouldn’t like to be the laughing stock of the village I had just moved to.

But I wouldn’t like to be the laughing stock of the village I had just moved to

Bit extreme 🤣 is there going to be a town meeting where everyone judges the OP's sexual activities 🤣🤣

People dont really care what other people get up to, its brief gossip and then its onto somthing new to talk about

Moonwalkies · 03/01/2025 06:42

NameChanger91736 · 03/01/2025 06:25

However I can't help but feel it is morally wrong

This is what it would be for me. Although perfectly legal because your both proper adults, it would still feel really wrong to me, sleeping with someone so much younger.

I'm not saying it is wrong, your both adults and can do whatever makes you both happy. Just for me personally, the age gap is too large and it wouldnt sit right with me

What is immoral about it?

NameChanger91736 · 03/01/2025 06:48

Moonwalkies · 03/01/2025 06:42

What is immoral about it?

OP said it was morally wrong 😅

I said This is what it would be for me. Although perfectly legal because your both proper adults, it would still feel really wrong to me, sleeping with someone so much younger.
I'm not saying it is wrong, your both adults and can do whatever makes you both happy. Just for me personally, the age gap is too large and it wouldnt sit right with me

Which perfectly explains how I feel 😅

oasisnt · 03/01/2025 07:04

However I can't help but feel it is morally wrong?

If you feel it's morally wrong, don't do it.

If you feel that it's fine but you're worried about whether other people think it's morally wrong, why bother asking then getting defensive about how it's, in fact, not morally wrong at all?
People are only sharing opinions - which you asked for.

What was the point in posting?

AlphaApple · 03/01/2025 07:31

Enjoy being another part of the patriarchy Sounds like your a key member, good job

The patriarchy has also played a part in convincing women who don't want to put out that they are uptight and frigid.

I'm pleased to now be old enough to be past caring about what men think of me, whether they think I'm fuckable or not. It's positively liberating. Wish I could have been like that in my 20s and 30s.

emmax1980 · 03/01/2025 07:53

If your not bothered about bumping into each other after say a one night stand then go for it.

Errors · 03/01/2025 08:34

healthybychristmas · 02/01/2025 23:57

@Jumpingthruhoops she has moved into a village. She has to think about what the neighbours think. If she wanted to live in an anonymous kind of life she shouldn't have moved to a village.

OP it's a very heavy feeling when you lose a lot of weight. Don't get carried away with yourself!

Yeah OP, know your place 🙄🙄

notacooldad · 03/01/2025 08:55

@Honestlyhonay·
YANBU: definitely sex him
YABU: girly night**
Don't be daft. Girly night is a perfectly ok if you want to call it that. No need to police anyone's expressions
Fucking hell it was only a joke chill out - maybe consider sexing a 25 year old?

It's hard to tell what is a joke on here unless someo e puts a laughing emoji on. People get pulled for using their regular vocab all the time especially for the term ' girly night'
It didnt come across as a joke.

tiger2691 · 03/01/2025 08:57

Why all the fuss, two consenting adults, life is not a dress rehearsal.

Snakebite61 · 03/01/2025 09:13

Lolalovestheflowers · 01/01/2025 20:28

I am 43. After a very unhappy marriage that ended two years ago I feel I have finally found myself.
I have lost a lot of weight over the 2 years, got my friends and social life back and a good job I'm in a good place.

A couple of months ago I was out with some friends for a girly night, meal cocktails and onto a local pub.
We were having a great night and I was enjoying having fun.
A young man approached me that evening and started chatting me up, I had a giggle with him amd I was flattered but I said look your way too young for me as sweet as you are you surely must have many young women after you and no I'm out with the girls.
We both laughed , said nice to meet you and me and my friends moved onto the next pub.
Since then I've bumped into him in the local village I have recently moved to at the local shop. You would have thought it would have been awkward, it wasn't we smiled said our hellos , were polite, and went our own way.

He then sent a friend request on fb , I declined it. He then messaged me on fb asking to go for dinner. I ignored him initially.
One evening after a glass of wine I replied and said again you seem lovely , however your too young for me , take care.

On the 21st Dec I was out in local pub celebrating my best friends birthday , he walked in with a couple of friends near the end of the evening , he came over and said hello, we were all quite drunk by then and I must admit I was flattered he was flirting with me.
He said have you recently moved to the village i said yes and we then both realised we are actually neighbours.... 6 doors apart.

End of the night came and we both went separate ways and said goodbyes
My friends said there was a massive chemistry between the two of us and although he is young he seemed a nice, respectful guy

Since that evening we gave msg back and forth a little. Things heated up last night and he wanted me to meet him out.
He's saying I'm not too young for you , please just give me a chance.
I declined as I was staying in.
I really do fancy the pants off him, I know it will be nothing but a physical thing if I ever decide to meet him
However I can't help but feel it is morally wrong?

Opinions please
Tell me to sort myself and move on if you like, I'm all ears 😂

If he lived on the other side of a town I'd say fair enough. But 6 doors down in a village.
Nope. You'll end up getting a name for yourself.

Jumpingthruhoops · 03/01/2025 09:48

TENSsion · 03/01/2025 05:38

Yes. I’m serious. That’s how many 25 year old men talk about women in their 40s.

If she doesn’t mind that, good for her.

But I wouldn’t like to be the laughing stock of the village I had just moved to.

Correction: It's how some immature men in their 20s talk about some women in their 40s.
You're assuming OP looks 'old' and that this guy is 'immature'. I'm assuming neither is the case.
He doesn't care what people will think and neither should OP.

Alwaysworriedd · 03/01/2025 09:52

Too young.. saying someone who at 48 fancied my daughters 26 years swimming instructor! But I would still say no…

TwigletsAndRadishes · 03/01/2025 09:52

Apart from anything else, you will be too old to give him children if he decides he wants them, so what's the point of persuing it? I know people start off saying it's just a bit of fun, it probably won't go anywhere, but that's pretty much how all serious relationships start. Why have to make massive compromises or let someone down further down the line, when they are already in deep? If you are very obviously not a good fit for a life together then just don't go there from the beginning. It's not worth the aggro. There are plenty of other people to shag.

Alwaysworriedd · 03/01/2025 09:54

And then I think if you would be 53 he only will be 35 and young and sexy if thinng would go further …. nope.

Alwaysworriedd · 03/01/2025 09:56

TwigletsAndRadishes · 03/01/2025 09:52

Apart from anything else, you will be too old to give him children if he decides he wants them, so what's the point of persuing it? I know people start off saying it's just a bit of fun, it probably won't go anywhere, but that's pretty much how all serious relationships start. Why have to make massive compromises or let someone down further down the line, when they are already in deep? If you are very obviously not a good fit for a life together then just don't go there from the beginning. It's not worth the aggro. There are plenty of other people to shag.

Yes, that’s another thing. If things would go well and further he might want kids in sometime … he only will be in his early 30s but you will be almost 50..

LalaPaloosa2024 · 03/01/2025 10:00

Tink3rbell30 · 02/01/2025 18:57

Of course they're not. Because it's a weird age gap, 25 is very young. I'm younger than her and would still find it odd, the maturity levels for one are majorly different. Never good to shit where you eat aswell as becoming the latest topic of a good laugh for a bunch of young men.

Well, I don’t know where you’re meeting single middle aged men who aren’t physically repulsive. I haven’t met any. The good ones are married.

PinotPony · 03/01/2025 10:00

So many stereotypes being used in this thread! Not all women in their 40s and 50s are worn out, haggard grandmothers. Not all men in their 20s are fuck boys just looking for a shag.

Life is short. You might get hit by a bus tomorrow. I say do what makes you happy today.

StarlightLady · 03/01/2025 10:03

TwigletsAndRadishes · 03/01/2025 09:52

Apart from anything else, you will be too old to give him children if he decides he wants them, so what's the point of persuing it? I know people start off saying it's just a bit of fun, it probably won't go anywhere, but that's pretty much how all serious relationships start. Why have to make massive compromises or let someone down further down the line, when they are already in deep? If you are very obviously not a good fit for a life together then just don't go there from the beginning. It's not worth the aggro. There are plenty of other people to shag.

There might be plenty of others to shag, but what about chemistry? What about passion? What about that little flutter feeling that makes your tummy (and more) tingle?

lt’s too early to bring thoughts of children into a situation. It is likely that things will last their natural course and end, but the OP may have a lovely time along the way.

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