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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To sleep with a 25 year old

568 replies

Lolalovestheflowers · 01/01/2025 20:28

I am 43. After a very unhappy marriage that ended two years ago I feel I have finally found myself.
I have lost a lot of weight over the 2 years, got my friends and social life back and a good job I'm in a good place.

A couple of months ago I was out with some friends for a girly night, meal cocktails and onto a local pub.
We were having a great night and I was enjoying having fun.
A young man approached me that evening and started chatting me up, I had a giggle with him amd I was flattered but I said look your way too young for me as sweet as you are you surely must have many young women after you and no I'm out with the girls.
We both laughed , said nice to meet you and me and my friends moved onto the next pub.
Since then I've bumped into him in the local village I have recently moved to at the local shop. You would have thought it would have been awkward, it wasn't we smiled said our hellos , were polite, and went our own way.

He then sent a friend request on fb , I declined it. He then messaged me on fb asking to go for dinner. I ignored him initially.
One evening after a glass of wine I replied and said again you seem lovely , however your too young for me , take care.

On the 21st Dec I was out in local pub celebrating my best friends birthday , he walked in with a couple of friends near the end of the evening , he came over and said hello, we were all quite drunk by then and I must admit I was flattered he was flirting with me.
He said have you recently moved to the village i said yes and we then both realised we are actually neighbours.... 6 doors apart.

End of the night came and we both went separate ways and said goodbyes
My friends said there was a massive chemistry between the two of us and although he is young he seemed a nice, respectful guy

Since that evening we gave msg back and forth a little. Things heated up last night and he wanted me to meet him out.
He's saying I'm not too young for you , please just give me a chance.
I declined as I was staying in.
I really do fancy the pants off him, I know it will be nothing but a physical thing if I ever decide to meet him
However I can't help but feel it is morally wrong?

Opinions please
Tell me to sort myself and move on if you like, I'm all ears 😂

OP posts:
CatTV · 03/01/2025 10:05

My two pence worth:

He initiated the flirting
He reached our via FB
He offered a dinner date

Just go for it, OP. Enjoy yourself, have a nice date and see what happens.

As someone who experienced an unhappy marriage, followed by an emotionally abusive rebound relationship and eventually freedom (combined with weightloss) and all that came with it...i say go, have fun!!

PinotPony · 03/01/2025 10:12

Alwaysworriedd · 03/01/2025 09:56

Yes, that’s another thing. If things would go well and further he might want kids in sometime … he only will be in his early 30s but you will be almost 50..

Show quote history

…“might” want kids.

When DP (32) and I (50) realised our relationship was becoming serious, we had the conversation about kids. He has nieces and nephews and really isn’t bothered about fatherhood.

We’ve also joked about him pushing me around in my wheelchair when I’m older! Or trading me in for a younger model!

The reality is that nobody knows what the future holds. He could get a terminal illness in his 30s and I end up caring for him. He could decide he does want children after all. Either of us could fall in love with someone else. There’s no guarantees about any of it. I don’t know if we’ll be together in a decade and I’m not wasting my time worrying about it.

The only thing I do know is that when an opportunity comes along you should seize it with both hands. OP might have a little fun with this chap. He might be the love of her life. But there’s only one way to find out. She has nothing to lose.

Hunglikeapolevaulter · 03/01/2025 10:14

I can't believe this thread is still going, I mean how much is there left to say about two grown-ups having sex?
Oh that's right, it's the chance for a bit of misogynistic shaming.

Nikki75 · 03/01/2025 10:26

I'd be more bothered that he lives 6 doors down 🤣 if your on the same page have fun you only live once.
Its physical enjoy a good time .

GoldsolesLugs · 03/01/2025 10:33

MyGhastIsFlabbered · 02/01/2025 17:33

Can you explain this? Because I thought a rapist was someone who forces sex onto an unconsenting victim, not a person considering sleeping with a younger person who seems to be voluntarily pursuing the sex?

Strange comment and very insulting to, you know, real rape victims? Xmas ConfusedXmas Hmm

Show quote history

It was, I thought, obvious hyperbole. I was making a comment on the way that when an older men fucks a younger women, the man is seen as predatory (hence my hyperbolic use of the word "rapist") and the woman is infantilized and seen as a victim with no agency, but women fucking younger men are seen as empowered and the men are seen as "lucky".
Apologies to those offended.

toxic44 · 03/01/2025 11:25

The age gap thing is a social tabu at the moment. If you get on together and find each other attractive, where is the problem? Age gap relationships can be very enlightening, you learn from each other. If you want him, do it whilst you can. Have fun! If Mrs Grundy pulls a face, so what? She's only envious.

TENSsion · 03/01/2025 11:46

Jumpingthruhoops · 03/01/2025 09:48

Correction: It's how some immature men in their 20s talk about some women in their 40s.
You're assuming OP looks 'old' and that this guy is 'immature'. I'm assuming neither is the case.
He doesn't care what people will think and neither should OP.

Show quote history

How good OP looks is irrelevant.
If you think it’s only a minority of men who speak about a minority of women like this, how is misogyny so rampant?

Hunglikeapolevaulter · 03/01/2025 12:02

It was, I thought, obvious hyperbole. I was making a comment on the way that when an older men fucks a younger women, the man is seen as predatory (hence my hyperbolic use of the word "rapist") and the woman is infantilized and seen as a victim with no agency, but women fucking younger men are seen as empowered and the men are seen as "lucky".

I get really irritated when people do that also. As if a 25 year old woman can't decide for herself who she does and doesn't want to be with.

TwigletsAndRadishes · 03/01/2025 12:02

Alwaysworriedd · 03/01/2025 09:56

Yes, that’s another thing. If things would go well and further he might want kids in sometime … he only will be in his early 30s but you will be almost 50..

Show quote history

And he could end up leaving you because of it. What he thought worked when he was 25 and not ready to settle into family life while you were 43, might be a different matter altogether when he's 35, ready for a family and you are 53 and starting to look and seem like a middle aged person rather than a woman in your absolute prime.

Errors · 03/01/2025 12:08

TwigletsAndRadishes · 03/01/2025 12:02

And he could end up leaving you because of it. What he thought worked when he was 25 and not ready to settle into family life while you were 43, might be a different matter altogether when he's 35, ready for a family and you are 53 and starting to look and seem like a middle aged person rather than a woman in your absolute prime.

Show quote history

OP has made it clear several times that she is looking for a bit of a fling and nothing serious. Why are we marrying them off and then foretelling the relationship’s demise in ten years time?

Grammarnut · 03/01/2025 12:25

Go for it. Whyever not? As long as both are adults (i.e. no-one is 16) this is fine.

TwigletsAndRadishes · 03/01/2025 14:52

Lolalovestheflowers · 01/01/2025 23:23

He's been chasing me....

Show quote history

But you've already said in your OP that you can't help feeling it feels morally wrong. So if it feels morally wrong then don't do it.

You've also said 'we are both single and adults, not hurting anyone.'

So does it feel morally wrong, or doesn't it?

You said you hardly ever bump into him so it shouldn't need get awkward but then you've also said that in the space of two months you've met him out and about on three separate occasions and at some point you must have given him your full name because he's managed to find you on FB. If he lives a few doors away and uses the same village shop as you then this definitely has the potentially to become quite frequent and therefore possibly quite awkward.

I'm not sure what is it you want us to say, really. In your OP you've outlined all the reasons why it would be a daft idea to get involved with him and yet you've got a comeback and a counter-argument for all the people who say it's a daft idea to get involved with him.

Just do what you want. But one of you is going to end up feeling foolish or hurt, and the other one is going to end up looking over their shoulder every time they leave the house, hoping they don't run into the other one. Which one will you be?

Or it's going to turn into a relationship, despite your insistence that it will only ever be a bit of no-strings fun, and everyone will find it faintly icky that you are old enough to be his mother. In fact when you go out of the house together, lots of people will think you are his mother. Is that what you want? Because that is what will happen. If you have children they will hate the fact he is probably closer to them in age than he is to you.

Hunglikeapolevaulter · 03/01/2025 14:55

Btw the OP updated like weeks ago. Why doesn't anyone at least filter for those messages before posting their pearls of wisdom?

TwigletsAndRadishes · 03/01/2025 15:10

Hunglikeapolevaulter · 03/01/2025 14:55

Btw the OP updated like weeks ago. Why doesn't anyone at least filter for those messages before posting their pearls of wisdom?

How could she update weeks ago when the OP was only 2 or 3 days ago?

MJDecember24 · 03/01/2025 15:19

My recently divorced forty something female friends say this is all the rage - they are extremely attractive to twenty something men who want some experienced lady love with no chance of children coming out of it. As long as you're not expecting anything more, and the sex is good, go for it. You both win.

TwigletsAndRadishes · 03/01/2025 15:35

MJDecember24 · 03/01/2025 15:19

My recently divorced forty something female friends say this is all the rage - they are extremely attractive to twenty something men who want some experienced lady love with no chance of children coming out of it. As long as you're not expecting anything more, and the sex is good, go for it. You both win.

Blimey, they are playing a very dangerous game if they think there is no chance of an unexpected pregnancy with a 40 something woman. And if such a pregnancy did arise, they'd be very naive to assume it's an unwanted pregnancy.

I hope they've checked to see that she already has all the children she's likely to want, because a single, childless woman in her late 30s who fears she's running out of time for a baby is going to be highly susceptible to 'accidents' as the result of brief flings.

MJDecember24 · 03/01/2025 15:38

She's 48 currently, so I doubt there's much risk, but I'm sure she's taking precautions anyway, for disease sake.

Ethylred · 03/01/2025 15:39

Have fun. And I would say the same if the genders were reversed. Mumsnet would clutch its pearls in that case, however.

HelenInHeels · 03/01/2025 15:42

TwigletsAndRadishes · 03/01/2025 15:35

Blimey, they are playing a very dangerous game if they think there is no chance of an unexpected pregnancy with a 40 something woman. And if such a pregnancy did arise, they'd be very naive to assume it's an unwanted pregnancy.

I hope they've checked to see that she already has all the children she's likely to want, because a single, childless woman in her late 30s who fears she's running out of time for a baby is going to be highly susceptible to 'accidents' as the result of brief flings.

Show quote history

My almost 40 year old friend became pregnant by a 25 year old. It wasn't in her plans!

Hunglikeapolevaulter · 03/01/2025 15:45

How could she update weeks ago when the OP was only 2 or 3 days ago?

Huh. Absolutely identical to a post from a few weeks ago, if you swap the bar for a coffee shop.

BIossomtoes · 03/01/2025 15:56

HelenInHeels · 03/01/2025 15:42

My almost 40 year old friend became pregnant by a 25 year old. It wasn't in her plans!

Show quote history

Surely she’s old enough to understand how contraception works?

changecandles · 03/01/2025 16:02

@Treblechef

Yes. Bit desperate

There is absolutely nothing desperate about having sex with someone hot who is pursuing you 😂

Running around seeking validation from lots and lots of men is perhaps a little sad. But that's not what's going on here ffs.

The name calling is depressing

SouthMumof2 · 03/01/2025 16:03

Go for it! Have some fun you deserve it. Losing weight and getting yourself in a good place.. great confidence booster! Have fun and enjoy!

QueenBarbs · 03/01/2025 16:03

Go for it! As long as you are both aware it's just a bit of fun then what's the harm?

changecandles · 03/01/2025 16:04

@Disturbia81

Exactly, I find it fucking creepy and sleazy when older men go for younger women so I couldn't do it the other way round.
Do you find it fucking creepy and sleazy when younger women pursue older men? Because that's what's going in here. The OP is not pursuing this young man. He's the one asserting things.