To be irritated by my boyfriend's daughter using my stuff?

[BrianWankum]

I don't live here and am here maybe once a month, probably less recently as I've been v busy. She is 17, doesn't live here either, stays once or twice a month. I haven't actually seen her for ages.

I keep a few bits here - last time I was here I couldn't find my hairbrush and my boyfriend went in her room and found it in a drawer. This time I couldn't find my hairbrush, hairdryer, heat protection spray or deodorant - they were all in her room and the deodorant was in a drawer.

I do also have shower stuff here that hasn't moved from where I last used it. I'm grumpy today anyway and finding this highly irritating, I don't really want to share with her, I'm not her mother! I bought an extra hairdryer at home because I got fed up with mine wandering off when my own daughters stay. Am I just being a miserable cow, given that it doesn't actually use up my hairdryer and deodorant is cheap?

No you are right. But the house is her dads so maybe she used to live there and maybe she sees her dads house as her house.

That doesn't mean that anything in it is hers for the taking though.

Stealing? Jesus

Less than once a month you’re there, yet keep items there? Then you don’t actually live there in any shape or form - you’re just visiting. Seems a bit pointless taking stuff there and leaving it for your next visit a month or so later. Just take it on your visit, then take it home afterwards.

What would you call taking someone else's stuff, using it and choosing to keep it in your room?

You did imply your family was better, I’m entitled to my opinion too. The SD isn’t sharing but you won’t accept that, that’s fine, but my posts and opinions are just as valid as yours. This girl and OP aren’t even family.

This would also give me rage. I hate that sort of attitude with no respect for other peoples belongings.
I wonder if she realised it was your stuff as opposed to her dad's.

The fact that she uses your deodorant is a bit worrying....do her parents not buy it or give her enough money for her needs?

Guess it depends how hairy and feminine her dad is, I doubt she’s that daft though.

Yep, you've convinced me. OP should probably get CID involved.

Lock yours in a small case and tell your bf to buy her the stuff she frequently borrows, and tell her to leave it at his.

Do you always react like this to different opinions? Nobody mentioned the police.

Many of those items are quite personal and not meant to be shared. Hairbrushes are single owner items. Sharing is just grim.

you need to talk to your boyfriend. He is supposed to stock everything his child needs and clearly he is failing.

then make sure your things are out of reach.

Sorry but I don’t agree, deodorant, hairbrush, hair dryer are not expensive. Yes you can get expensive ones but come on bog standard items really and I am a single parent 4 kids and little money, I would buy a stranger on the street these if they needed them.

You’re right your opinion is valid and I didn’t say it was wrong.

You need to read into more about my family is on you. I’ve haven’t implied anything but gave a different perspective. Not very family is the same - clearly.

In my eyes it is sharing so no I won’t “accept” that it isn’t as I don’t believe that it isn’t. Again, just my opinion.

You do understand that right? I don’t have to accept your opinion as right. I acknowledge it (without making personal comments to you like you have to me) and don’t agree.

I don’t need to argue a point by trying to bring someone else down by doing so as you have done here. Why do you care what my family is like - good, bad or other. We have no problem in my family sharing like that. No problem at all. It’s cool if your family doesn’t like to do that but it doesn’t make my family “perfect” or warrant your accusations.

I”m leaving it now. I’m done.

I can see why OP would find it frustrating, she hardly knows her boyfriend’s daughter and would you want a girl you hardly know using your hair brush? It’s not very hygienic. My heat protection spray for my hair is expensive and I’d be annoyed if it was being taken and used without being asked.

You can’t compare a girl OP has only met a few times with her own daughters. She is making the comment that she isn’t the girls mother because she isn’t! It’s very unlikely she’s the same with her own daughters. I doubt she says to them “don’t use my hairbrush because I’m not your mother”

I always asked my mum permission before using her belongings and it would have felt disrespectful to just help myself. My mum said yes most of the time but I always looked after things and put them back in the right place.

My sister was a nightmare “borrowing” make up and beauty products without asking then losing them or using them up. She used all of mine and my mum’s expensive perfume without asking, in the end we had to hide things and refuse to let her in our rooms to help herself.
Just because you are living in the same house as someone doesn’t mean they can help themselves to your belongings, if you don’t like it then it doesn’t make you miserable!

Jesus Christ lighten up, it’s just stuff.

My initial comment stands.
You perhaps have more income than some folk.

Get her dad to buy her the stuff she needs, then she won't need to take yours.

For the "we share everything and don't have a problem with it" people- does it not irk you, even slightly, when you go to use something and it's all gone, because someone else has 'shared' your stuff without asking you and without offering theirs up for sharesies?

As a general rule I have no problem with sharing with my children, or DP, or even my son's girlfriend, if they ask first. I do mind people helping themselves to my stuff, using it all up and not replacing it, which means I go to use (for example) my rarely-needed dry shampoo only to find myself uselessly shaking an empty container.

This doesn't include things like shampoo/soap/toothpaste- anything essentially in the communal areas of the house, but if it's in my bedroom it's mine and people need to ask first. That's how I've brought my children up- anything in their room is theirs and not up for general grabs.

So if I won't go in their room on principle and help myself to their belongings, they shouldn't do the same to mine.

On the OP's own situation though, I wouldn't be leaving my stuff at her boyfriend's house anyway, not if you're only visiting less than once a month. Take it with you and then take it away when you leave.

Ok 😂 what an over reaction. Thanks for that, enjoy your night!

Hair dryer fine if she puts it back. Deodorant and hairbrush no. If I were you I would hide my toothbrush well 🤢

Agreed. What an overreaction. The irony is delicious.

Not even sure what you mean really but whatever, you’ve lightened up my evening

Brilliant 🤣