To be irritated by my boyfriend's daughter using my stuff?

[BrianWankum]

I don't live here and am here maybe once a month, probably less recently as I've been v busy. She is 17, doesn't live here either, stays once or twice a month. I haven't actually seen her for ages.

I keep a few bits here - last time I was here I couldn't find my hairbrush and my boyfriend went in her room and found it in a drawer. This time I couldn't find my hairbrush, hairdryer, heat protection spray or deodorant - they were all in her room and the deodorant was in a drawer.

I do also have shower stuff here that hasn't moved from where I last used it. I'm grumpy today anyway and finding this highly irritating, I don't really want to share with her, I'm not her mother! I bought an extra hairdryer at home because I got fed up with mine wandering off when my own daughters stay. Am I just being a miserable cow, given that it doesn't actually use up my hairdryer and deodorant is cheap?

I couldn’t get worked up about the hairdryer or the deodorant! On the hairbrush don’t leave one there - keep one in your handbag.

why does her dad not add women’s deodorant to his shopping? If his daughter stays occasionally he should have her basic needs covered.

Dad needs to buy her these things. It's as simple as that

Why isn't her dad buying her essentials, like deodorant and a hairbrush?

Surely if she had these things she wouldn't borrow yours?

I couldn’t get worked up about the hairdryer or the deodorant!

Nor me, the only thing that would annoy me is having to look for them because they’ve been moved.

Perhaps her dad thinks he doesn't have to buy these as Brian's are there to use?

If you're hardly there, and she's hardly there, whose place is this actually? I'm confused about the set up.

Her dad needs to make sure she has provisions for when she is there. Give him a list.

Dad needs to buy her these things. It's as simple as that

She's 17. Why can't she buy her own? At that age I was choosing and buying my own toiletries.

at that age my parents bought deodorant and tampons and shower gel and shampoo.

I think that’s one of the basics of parenting? Food, a roof over their head and basic hygiene.

The hairbrush would bother me as I don’t think it’s hygienic to share that. The other items wouldn’t bother me but I’d expect them to be put back where I left them.

Could your DP have got confused and assumed they were DDs and returned them to her room?
So odd.

And you think that will work ?
Just take them home or hide them.

I agree.

Clearly lots of bitter stepmother/step girlfriends on here even though they are adults don't like sharing their boyfriend/husband.

She is obviously lacking in these products when she's there, otherwise she would not use them. Her father hasn't noticed.

I would not be happy with someone using my brush, that grosses me out. Ask her to please leave your stuff alone.

Because when you want to use your hairbrush it's annoying not to have it to hand. The OP doesn't want to have to ask her partner to search for it. Hell, I don't even want to search my own DDs room when I realise she's made off with all my hairbrushes, and I'm definitely not tight, but I don't want to go out with bird nest hair.

It would give the DP's DD the basics that she keeps using, and either take home my own things or keep them in a bag tucked away.

I would be annoyed too. It’s weird and rude. He should speak to her and tell her her to refrain from using your stuff but he will get her her own.

I don’t understand why people use other people’s brushes anyway. It’s weird.

Typical teenager, borrows stuff with the intention of returning and then just forgets.

Get her dad to buy her the stuff she keeps borrowing.

How is it tight not to share stuff that someone else should actually not need to share as they should have their own available?

@BrianWankum why dont you keep your stuff in a bag in your boyfriend's room???

This is not to the OP as this girl isn’t her daughter. But I am surprised how many people don’t like their kids using their stuff, growing up my mum would let me have anything I wanted of hers. I lived at home til I was 26 and she could certainly of used my stuff, same with my sister. But in fairness I never ruined anything and was respectful that it was stuff that couldn’t just be replaced as we weren’t that well off. I had an amazing relationship with my mum and loved her dearly, I lost her last November and I miss her so much. She would have done anything for me.

Sooooo.... obviously she's a bit "out of order" .

BUT - Have you spoken to her about it and politely asked her to stop?

If not the do so and then take it from there....

She's not an adult yet. She may not stay often but this is her dad's house, therefore it's her home.

You don't live there. Just stop leaving your stuff at her home 🤷

Do a nice thing like get her a basket of stuff and a hairdryer to use while at yours ( so it stays at yours).

Take her shopping to get it?

I wouldn’t be happy with this, it feels liked she’s nosying about and not respecting privacy.

I’d keep it in a closed drawer, or a closed bag so it’s very clear it’s not left out for general use. If she still takes it then that would be incredibly rude and I’d speak to her about it.

I wouldn't care at all, if you're planning on this being a long term relationship then you'll be know eachother as adults, I wouldn't introduce hostility over something petty like that personally.