To be irritated by my boyfriend's daughter using my stuff?

[BrianWankum]

I don't live here and am here maybe once a month, probably less recently as I've been v busy. She is 17, doesn't live here either, stays once or twice a month. I haven't actually seen her for ages.

I keep a few bits here - last time I was here I couldn't find my hairbrush and my boyfriend went in her room and found it in a drawer. This time I couldn't find my hairbrush, hairdryer, heat protection spray or deodorant - they were all in her room and the deodorant was in a drawer.

I do also have shower stuff here that hasn't moved from where I last used it. I'm grumpy today anyway and finding this highly irritating, I don't really want to share with her, I'm not her mother! I bought an extra hairdryer at home because I got fed up with mine wandering off when my own daughters stay. Am I just being a miserable cow, given that it doesn't actually use up my hairdryer and deodorant is cheap?

Buy duplicates for her
why should OP buy stuff for her bfs daughter she barely sees?
Helping herself to OPs belongings isn't acceptable, and everyone saying it's a free for all, this is how we have all
these entitled selfish teenager and young adults.
Tell her dad to speak to her and stop taking your stuff.

Guess we have different views of what family life is like then. I have no problem sharing my stuff with my family.

No it isn’t. OP only stays there once a month and hasn’t seen this girl in ages so they’re not exactly family anyway

You don't live there, you are only there once a month, why do you need to leave stuff there? Just take it home with you when you leave

I'd do this. She might just need telling as kids often don't have great boundaries on their parent's belongings and she may be treating you the same. Can be simple as

"I'd rather you didn't use the bits I leave here please Lauren - I'm sure you'd rather I wasn't rifling through your stuff trying to find it either!"

Again, one person doing all the taking isn't sharing. This child is not really OPs family, from the sound of it.
It's also not very hygienic to share toiletries.
The hairdryer use is fine, as long as it's returned.

My god OP this would make my blood boil! YADNBU

Oh okay then. Well for me I would have absolutely no problem at all with it and would speak to the potential SD about if she needs anything and ask her about what she is using and compare notes. What a nice and potential bonding experience - but then that’s looking at the positive rather than being upset about it and complaining.

But then my MIL was like that when asked to borrow a hairdryer. I underline the word asked.

Guess I’m just from a family where family (because let’s be honest it’s the daughters house not the girlfriends !) doesn’t mind these things. Not precious and don’t care - isn’t it nice to be nice to people you are living with at the time?

No they aren’t family. And it doesn’t bode well for the future if they become one either.

So you are honestly saying it wouldn’t annoy you at all if your teenage child was taking your things and then putting them in their own drawers rather than putting them back where they came from?

Yeah but it’s her house not the girlfriends. So maybe in her house she sees them as her things. Maybe that’s how she was/is with her mum.

I do think you’re being a bit miserable, yes. Mostly because of the “I’m not her mother!” - I was surprised to read later on you have daughters, are you like that with them as well?

If you don’t want her taking your things, put it all in a bag and get a little lock. That way she can’t really touch it.

Nope. And yes I have teenagers and yes it happens. I ask them where it is and ask them to go and get it. No harm done.

Absolutely. It isn't your house.

It’d be nicer if she atleast put OPs stuff back rather than putting it in her own drawers where OP can’t find it.

You’re right it would be nicer. But a simple “hey xx, would you mind bringing back my brush as I can’t find it”. Simple.

But this teen isn’t there to ask, she’s also not related to OP, why doesn’t she have her own stuff? Why is it OPs responsibility? I think you are being a bit goady with your ‘my family is perfect and lovely’ crap. It’s not helpful and your situation is not the same as OPs, you are just looking to put her down

No, quite normal

I don't share personal stuff either - definitely not without being asked

YANBU. I'd be annoyed too. I wouldn't want to share hairbrushes. His dd sounds very rude to take your stuff without asking. Best to take your stuff back home with you or have a little case that can be locked. You now know what to get her next Christmas 😊

Based on OPs initial post neither of the females live there permanently. Even if the teenager did live there full time, she shouldn't be stealing OPs stuff.

I wouldn't share with my own DCs
But I did buy them their own

Which is what the OP's boyfriend should do

But she doesn't see her...

If she was helping herself and then taking it home with her, I would agree with you. But the only thing that OP can't use again is a few squirts of deodorant. Hardly crime of the century.

No my family isn’t perfect and those are you words. I think being goady comes from your text saying so to me. No one has to agree and that’s perfectly fine but you post wasn’t necessary, helpful or kind by suggesting that “my family is perfect and lovely” which I didn’t say nor did I imply.

My opinion is fine. I stand by OP overreacting and being wrong - again you don’t have to agree or maybe even like it but it doesn’t make it wrong because you don’t. Thats the whole point of opinions - people are entitled to them and you don’t have to agree. Also, even when you don’t being snidely and unkind isn’t a reasonable way to argue the point.

My point is that the OP doesn’t have to be upset about these things and (for example in my family) I don’t care. Not perfect or lovely it’s just the way we are.

If my family isn’t the same as hers then neither is yours or anyone else’s on here so following your point no one should be saying anything. And yet you have only taken exception to me.

They are just things. I don’t care enough to be upset about little things like that.

And for the record my family are pretty awesome because we don’t sweat the small stuff
and talk to each other when bothered.

Nobody said it was the crime of the century. She's stealing OPs stuff though, which is a potentially a hygiene no no, and leaving it where OP cannot find it, which is a pain in practical terms.

I've got a Dyson Airwrap for sale for £100 if that's of any use? Need gone.