To refuse to speak to this person until I receive an apology

[ToffeePennie]

This person has hurt me by slowly driving directly towards me whilst I was walking in a field, then hitting me. I clipped my right hip/knee and ankle on the car, but I did not report it as there were no witnesses and I was the only person injured (and my injuries were “brushed off” by the rest of my family as I was perfectly fine, apart from a few scrapes and bruises).
This took place at an event we attend locally about 4 years ago. I did not want to spoil the event for my children, but resolved that until the family member who hit me apologised, I would not speak to them, I would ignore them.
This person is elderly (90s) and their child is very aware and was told at the time. I was informed the person “is elderly and therefore we should cut them some slack, they probably didn’t even see you, or feel the bump of the car”. I firmly believe this takes the mick and they should have been told what they had done, if, they really didn’t know.
Said family member absolutely should not have been driving and a month after hitting me, they had another “little accident” where they drove into someone’s wall very very slowly and had their licence removed from them. So there’s not much more I can do about it. Note: this is not the sort of family member where I have any rights to intervene, nor does my DH.
However, being forced to be around this person over the festive period has made things more awkward again, and it’s now where I am pointedly ignoring them.
AIBU or Not?

@satsumaqueen I assumed they were at a family event that has parking on a field, plenty of those around here particularly at County fairs, fireworks, overflow parking at a rugby match etc and the driver was driving in the field.

Nothing good will come frim beinging this up again OP. Would you consider counselling?

What’s that song called again ……

Oh yeh - LET IT GO

It was 4 years ago !!!

"Did he think you were a scarecrow?" 😂

Don't think you will ever get an apology. Up to you whether you dwell on it or move on.
At that age they've probably forgotten all about the incident anyway.
Also if they were driving slowly then why didnt you move out of the way?
Odd post.

What can you do now? Go NC

Splendidly cruel. Congratulations.

Elderly person driving around a field, hits someone (possibly thought it was a scarecrow)
Tells person/scarecow to keep quiet.
This happened 4 years ago and they haven't spoken since.
Oh yeah, elderly person crashed into a wall not long after this.
(The plot thickens)

The cruelty continues.

@HPandthelastwish ah missed that bit. Makes more sense. I was thinking to myself, what the hell is someone doing in an electric car on a field. A Land Rover I could understand if the owned the land but not an electric car!

if it was electric, OP wouldn’t have heard them, particularly if there was ambient noise.

It really comes down to one of two solutions:

1. Move on for your own sake more than anything else and put it behind you. It can’t be doing you any good if you are still feeling so upset about it after 4 years.
2. Have an open conversation with the person who hit you and your cousin? Or child of the elderly person if it’s not your cousin, and explain that you know it was 4 years ago but the situation really impacted you emotionally and you are upset that at no stage has anyone offered a apology for running you over with a car, and you would like a apology now.

Sorry think my post might have confused you, my reply was because HP had said it was at a family event like a country fair which is why they were driving on a field.

I had previously posted suggesting that the elderly person was confused and didn’t realise they were driving on a field. I couldn’t figure out why someone would be driving on a field in the first place.

No, I’m not confused. I saw about the country fair. I’m wondering if the OP didn’t hear the elderly driver and thought that if it was an electric vehicle it would make some sort of sense.

When they first said field, I wondered if it was a golf cart or mobility scooter or something, but it seems a car.

@ToffeePennie I genuinely feel that you need to draw a line under this incident and move on.

It shouldn’t have happened - but it did and thankfully you were not seriously injured.

Your relative shouldn’t have been driving due to their capacity to drive at their age - this part of the situation has now been resolved and they are not driving any longer.

It was an unfortunate accident - had it been a week ago I would understand you feeling upset that it wasn’t better managed. But it was 4 years ago.

Nothing will be achieved by you raising this now. Stop with the coldness and the grudge and focus on living your life.

Yup, I’d lean toward option 2. OP needs an apology.

Sure, but is she out of line for asking for an apology from her cousin (assuming this is the adult daughter of the driver). Clear the air. Unresolved stuff like this is no good. It takes a lot of effort to forgive and forget vs getting an apology. People don’t like being embarrassed, I get that, but sometimes they need to be a bit embarrassed and apologise.

I didn't read the whole thread. I read the frst post. If there was a drip feed that's not my fault.

The person should no longer be driving, frankly. It's possible they did not see you and have no idea what they have done, that isn't uncommon. I don't think you not speaking to them is overly helpful but surely their closer relatives should have a word. You could have been more seriously injured and they could hurt somebody else badly. They are dangerous!

I could not see for a while if the driver was a he or a she either. I had to go back and reread.

So you were in a field were no cars were allowed, the 86 year old came up behind you in the car and clipped you and even though they knew you had been clipped, did not apologise? There were no witnesses other than you and the driver?

You then told the drivers daughter who basically fobbed you off and you just let it go, other than ignoring family member until you got an apology.

Well to me, the driver should have been reported to the DVLA as unfit to drive...how the bleep bleep can they not have seen you!!! And they didn't apologise?

Their adult child minimised it and you were in tears. Sorry but elderly person and the adult child both needed chastising at the time. 86 year old shouldn't have been driving and had someone taken you seriously, they may not have gone on to have the 2nd incident. But you should have also reported this as they were a danger to themselves as well as others.

Their behaviour was appalling and had you stood your ground then, you wouldn't be in this position now. If they didn't apologise then, they are not going to apologise after 4 yrs so just what are you waiting for...you missed the opportunity to address it at the time, so just let it go. You were treated badly and are right to be annoyed, but you had an opportunity to address it effectively when it happened and chose not to.

It is the driver’s legal responsibility to report the accident. Failing that, the adult daughter’s when she was told.

OP could have seen that the elderly relative was taken to court and fined for failing to report an accident I suppose, and also mention the adult daughter’s attempts to have her not say anything, but I’m trying to imagine that playing out in the family.

There is no shelf life or time limit on apologies.

@ToffeePennie Here's one way of looking at it - your telling the driver's child about the field incident might have been the reason the licence was taken away after the wall incident, rather than the latter being dismissed as a 'one off'. Unfortunately, I'm willing to bet a lot of money that when licences are removed, it's almost always after more than one incident.

I know it must be really aggravating not to get the apology you deserve, but I promise you'll feel better if you can genuinely let it go. After 4 years, the only person you're making feel bad is yourself.

I agree with you OP.
It was outrageous behaviour.
The family should have been on your side and stopped the elderly person from driving.

I'd have trouble forgiving this.

For your own healthy levels of Cortisol, try to genuinely forgive, knowing full well that they are not driving.
Feel grateful that you are unscathed.

Could you manage to speak about their accident into the wall, and insist that that is the best thing to have happened for everyone's safety? Talking about it might give you closure of some sort. Also ask if they are still driving in the fields and if they are, tell them they should curb that hobby as they could run over calves and ramblers.

Their child has, hopefully, hidden all the keys.

There was an old lady in our town when I was young. She drove, without being able to see traffic, once a week; slow as a snail, traversing the roads to collect her groceries and pills.

Everyone gave way to her. The community respected her right to independence. She drove at a similar time each week on her predictable route.