To refuse to speak to this person until I receive an apology

[ToffeePennie]

This person has hurt me by slowly driving directly towards me whilst I was walking in a field, then hitting me. I clipped my right hip/knee and ankle on the car, but I did not report it as there were no witnesses and I was the only person injured (and my injuries were “brushed off” by the rest of my family as I was perfectly fine, apart from a few scrapes and bruises).
This took place at an event we attend locally about 4 years ago. I did not want to spoil the event for my children, but resolved that until the family member who hit me apologised, I would not speak to them, I would ignore them.
This person is elderly (90s) and their child is very aware and was told at the time. I was informed the person “is elderly and therefore we should cut them some slack, they probably didn’t even see you, or feel the bump of the car”. I firmly believe this takes the mick and they should have been told what they had done, if, they really didn’t know.
Said family member absolutely should not have been driving and a month after hitting me, they had another “little accident” where they drove into someone’s wall very very slowly and had their licence removed from them. So there’s not much more I can do about it. Note: this is not the sort of family member where I have any rights to intervene, nor does my DH.
However, being forced to be around this person over the festive period has made things more awkward again, and it’s now where I am pointedly ignoring them.
AIBU or Not?

Common theme for me this evening. I've clearly lost will to read posts properly today.

It is indeed but if the 86 years old should not have been driving as they clearly did not have the requisite awareness to do so, then the OP could have reported them to the DVLA (not the Police) and they could have called the elderly person in for an assessment and as a result of this, may have lost their licence.

If someone's age related fragility renders them unable to drive slowly in a large field without hitting someone, they clearly lack awareness or vision needed to drive and should NOT be driving.

She instead went to the adult daughter I think out of some sensitivity to the situation.

And, in fact, legally the police have to be involved. The driver has to report the incident to the police when there is an accident, not just the DVLA

So, I guess the OP could have called the cops and there could have been a court hearing for the 86-year old. Or maybe the adult daughter could have taken responsibility and taken away the keys and apologised?

I'm not sure why the victim in an accident has to be blamed.

She did the right thing in going to both the 86yr old and the daughter but they failed to apologise and the daughter minimised it.

The driver should have reported it to the Police and they did not. The daughter did not witness it and so had no responsibility to do so but the OP could have but that would have caused issues.

But to report something to the DVLA, you do not need to get the Police involved. Anyone can make a report to the DVLA if they think someone is unfit to drive. I know this, as dealing with the assessments for such people was once my job.

We had no end of family members contacting the DVLA concerned at the fact someone was driving when they weren't fit to do so and they came to us for assessments. Some people were great and kept their licence (one 94 yr old springs to mind) but lots did not.

A lot of elderly people with age related frailties deteriorate slowly in terms of their awareness and eyesight and adapt as it happens to them, lacking self awareness about their inability to do things that were once 2nd nature. Added to the fact that most people drive less when they retire, means their skillset can deteriorate. Some have dementia, others just lack the swift mobility to check traffic etc. Anyone can raise this with the DVLA (anonymously if preferred) and the DVLA may call the driver in for an assessment, one possible outcome of which, is that they may lose their driving licence.

I'm not blaming the OP for the accident but she had a chance to stand her ground and take action 4yrs ago and she didn't. The reality is that if the elderly person knows they clipped her as she states, then the only reason they did not apologise is because they didn't want to get into trouble as they do not accept they are unfit to drive. This elderly person was clearly unfit to drive and it wasn't just about their safety but about other pedestrians/drivers on the road, or in this case, the safety of an innocent person stood in the middle of the field.

Or the other disconcerting thought is that the 86 yr old had no idea what they had done...which is even worse and they should not have been allowed to continue driving. Had it been tackled at that time, they would not have gone on to create another issue where they did lose their licence.

Obviously I’m referring to the circumstances OP shared, if a driver is moving slowly, yet isn’t aware of people in their path to the point they hit them and don’t realise, they shouldn’t be driving. And you’re right, it doesn’t matter what age they are if they don’t have capacity to drive safely, they shouldn’t.

The ship has sailed move on

What did you want the adult daughter to do exactly? She could tell them not to drive but they might have said no? Hide the keys? Fine as long as it's just a car key, no other keys on there. Even doctors don't properly check if older people are safe to drive.
It's down to the driver to realise they can't drive safely anymore, which obviously they have realised.
It's just such a massive drama over an event where you weren't hurt and isn't going to happen again.