To refuse to speak to this person until I receive an apology

[ToffeePennie]

This person has hurt me by slowly driving directly towards me whilst I was walking in a field, then hitting me. I clipped my right hip/knee and ankle on the car, but I did not report it as there were no witnesses and I was the only person injured (and my injuries were “brushed off” by the rest of my family as I was perfectly fine, apart from a few scrapes and bruises).
This took place at an event we attend locally about 4 years ago. I did not want to spoil the event for my children, but resolved that until the family member who hit me apologised, I would not speak to them, I would ignore them.
This person is elderly (90s) and their child is very aware and was told at the time. I was informed the person “is elderly and therefore we should cut them some slack, they probably didn’t even see you, or feel the bump of the car”. I firmly believe this takes the mick and they should have been told what they had done, if, they really didn’t know.
Said family member absolutely should not have been driving and a month after hitting me, they had another “little accident” where they drove into someone’s wall very very slowly and had their licence removed from them. So there’s not much more I can do about it. Note: this is not the sort of family member where I have any rights to intervene, nor does my DH.
However, being forced to be around this person over the festive period has made things more awkward again, and it’s now where I am pointedly ignoring them.
AIBU or Not?

"gently ensure that their driving ability is re-assessed"? It says in the OP that this person had their licence removed from them a month after this incident.

No, more than likely it has been brushed off as it was an accident, the OP didn't address it at the time, the elderly person most likely didn't know they had hit someone and they have tried to avoid a big family fall out.

YABU for not dealing with the situation properly 4 years ago. An elderly person who is capable of driving into someone should be stopped from driving again immediately. They have the potential to kill ffs! All the nonsense about apologies and silent treatment is completely by the by.

it was unresolved because OP was supposed to suck it up and not make a fuss. It was easier that way. Easier to look the other way because the elderly person should not have been driving. OP just was supposed to put up with it because no one wanted to deal with it.

Sometimes there needs to be a family fall out. I think OP is owed an apology by the family members trying to minimise what happened to her.

YES! An early entrant for the "Most Ridiculous Performative Empathy on Mumsnet Award".

You can always keep OP in your sleeve, you know.

Was it the OP’s to deal with? it doesn’t exactly sound to me like she was the decision maker in the family.

OP should have spoken to the driver at the time, it is a simple as that.

you can always go to another thread and laugh at other people’s tragedies if that gives you pleasure.

She was hurt and may have been in a bit of shock? Have any of you on here been hit by a car as a pedestrian?

I don't understand.... Accident in the field surely you just say 'Hey Mavis you've just run me over I've really hurt myself'........ They say oh gosh sorry! (Accept apologies and move on) Or they say 'no I didn't hit you' then surely you say 'no you did hit me, you've hurt my leg etc etc.' and have it out with them at the time?? Why are you taking action 4 years later? Why is it the adult child's responsibility?

Because the adult child knew the elderly parent should not have been driving?

And I quote: 'I was perfectly fine, apart from a few scrapes and bruises.'

But this thread is the one with the grown-ass cheerleader attempting to play her tiny violin!

As I said, you are welcome to continue to be cruel and mock. you seem to be very good at it. Years of practice I’d imagine.

Have you been hit by a vehicle as a pedestrian?

The point is people brushed her off. No one apologised, people minimised and the elderly driver went onto have another accident.

Is that a good outcome?

How did a car, being driven slowly behind you, hit your hip, knee and ankle simultaneously?
What was the event you were attending?
Why were you alone in a field with someone in a car?
Why did you not raise this with the driver at the time?

@BeAzureAnt you are inflating the issue the OP said she had some scraps and bruises.

Presumably she was not bleeding, did not fall down and did not require medical assistance. In which case she probably got clipped by the car said "Ow, Great Aunt Agatha clipped me with the car" and then continued the day with no further comments. If she had explained that actually she had been hurt more than she initially let on, had been cut or required medical assistance then perhaps she would have got a different response from the family but as she's kept her mouth shut for 4 years I expect she said nothing and therefore no one knew how hurt she was.

I have done first aid on someone whose friend thought it was funny to do similar on purpose messing about and slowly driving towards him, unfortunately the headlight broke against his thigh, nicking his femoral artery which was then pulsing out and required an ambulance - but that's not exactly what's being described here.

I think there's a distinction between "hit" and "clipped" here. It sounds as though the car was being driven really slowly and it isn't even clear if the OP fell over, or was just unbalanced? Bruises and scrapes are at odds with slow moving car and being clipped unless they went over or were they between other cars or something?

Absolutely dangerous elderly drivers should be stopped etc, but this whole scenario sounds really weird, never mind all the family dynamics and hurt feelings.

This person should have apologised at the time but honestly I couldn't be arsed holding onto a grudge like this for 4 years. It's so trivial.

OP I’m really sorry this happened. From your post I can see the most distressing thing was the fact your feelings were ignored, and you were told to not react. Extremely frustrating and implies a pecking order.

This feels like quite a toxic family relationship. Would you say the person who hit you holds a position of power of some kind in the family? Are you often made to feel that your feelings don’t matter?

I’d be more concerned about the people who told you not to make a fuss. Have you considered talking therapy to process this?

The point is she didn't take it up with the driver at the time who is mostly likely unaware it even happen to this day! She wasn't seriously hurt and there were no witnesses, so I'd say the 'get over it' approach makes sense.

@GreatGardenstuff An elderly person who is capable of driving into someone should be stopped from driving again immediately

Just the elderly or anyone? Anyone is capable of driving into someone so by your argument no-one should drive.

No, not inflating at all. She was bruised and scraped. she wanted acknowledgement for that. I suspect she was pressured not to make a fuss, and that is hurtful. I don’t blame her for being upset about that.

I was hit by a car when I on my bike as a kid. Was i hurt other than scrapes? No. Were the insurers involved? Of course. I was given a full work up at the hospital to make sure there was not any latent injury. The driver received a ticket for careless driving.

The elderly person kept driving and got in another accident. That’s no good.

But that minimising at the time meant the elderly person had another accident and hit a wall.

I think you should have asked for an apology 4 years ago. At 90 something do they even remember? No you shouldn’t have to be around anyone you don’t want to be. But oaps are known for bad driving. Hence the license now being taken away. Communication will get you further than ignoring them.