To refuse to speak to this person until I receive an apology

[ToffeePennie]

This person has hurt me by slowly driving directly towards me whilst I was walking in a field, then hitting me. I clipped my right hip/knee and ankle on the car, but I did not report it as there were no witnesses and I was the only person injured (and my injuries were “brushed off” by the rest of my family as I was perfectly fine, apart from a few scrapes and bruises).
This took place at an event we attend locally about 4 years ago. I did not want to spoil the event for my children, but resolved that until the family member who hit me apologised, I would not speak to them, I would ignore them.
This person is elderly (90s) and their child is very aware and was told at the time. I was informed the person “is elderly and therefore we should cut them some slack, they probably didn’t even see you, or feel the bump of the car”. I firmly believe this takes the mick and they should have been told what they had done, if, they really didn’t know.
Said family member absolutely should not have been driving and a month after hitting me, they had another “little accident” where they drove into someone’s wall very very slowly and had their licence removed from them. So there’s not much more I can do about it. Note: this is not the sort of family member where I have any rights to intervene, nor does my DH.
However, being forced to be around this person over the festive period has made things more awkward again, and it’s now where I am pointedly ignoring them.
AIBU or Not?

Because OP didn't CONFRONT THE DRIVER AT THE TIME! It is on her for how she feels now.

You should have pointed out that they got you albeit accidentally at the time. Ridiculous to harbour those feelings towards an elderly, incompetent driver for all this time! What would be more useful would be to have encouraged their family members to try to stop them driving.

Exactly! According to OP, it was just her and the Shit Driver in the field at the time, with no other witnesses. So the family cannot possibly have been exerting any pressure on her at this point.

You can report people to the DVLA and remain anonymous.

It sounds to me like her family didn’t want her to make a fuss. That’s why she is upset. She was told to give the elderly person a pass.

Maybe. But the family did nothing until the elderly person later hit a wall. It clearly at the time was not something they really wanted to deal with. The person who failed here was the adult child of the elderly driver, not the OP.

But they weren’t even there when it happened. According to OP it was just the two of them in the field.

But when the family were informed, the OP was told to give the elderly driver a pass. Out of sight, out of mind, and all that.

No they told OP later to give the elderly driver a pass.

She gave the elderly person a pass herself at the time.

4 years ago! Wow shocked you still thinking about it. Yabu ....

Yes. This sounds like failure to report to the DVLA a condition that affects your driving. The fine is £1000. If the elderly driver was not capable of reporting themselves, the adult child should have stepped in. I would have been mortified if my parent hit a relative, even if scrapes or bruises, and been talking to parent about their fitness to drive.

I suspect because the family pressured her to do so. I can see why the OP is aggrieved.

Yes lots of people at fault but not talking to someone is ridiculous. Go and bloody tell them! It’s not a playground

Which part are you missing here? Her opportunity was to do it in the field after it happened. She didn't.

You are being deliberately obtuse. OP had an opportunity to deal with this at the time it happened, in the field, when she was scraped by the car. To speak to the very slow driver who apparently was aware that they hit someone or something. She could have said “Oy! You just drove into me Brian, you dozy bastard!” Brian would have had the chance to apologise and then OP wouldn’t have had four years of sleepless nights stewing over it.

To be fair, there’s so much missing info, anything could be thrown in as a drip feed. Brian’s previous threats to end OPs life. OP being deaf. A million permutations.

I don’t think she’s coming back though as she probably realises she is being foolish.

Not missing anything. OP came back to adult family member (child of elderly person) said I’m hurt. Response: oh, well give elderly person a pass OP.

So, what if OP reported elderly relative to the DVLA to make sure that they lost their license? Maybe she wanted the adult child to handle the situation.

The fact is she was hurt, no only wanted to acknowledge it, and she’s upset.

Another very strange post. Four years ago and something about "holding their child to account" (Eh? I hope no one tries to hold my dch to account for my actions) and the OP has disappeared. MN is a strange place recently.

No, not being obtuse at all. she went back to the adult child and said what happened and was told to forget about it. That is what happened.

I keep asking, have any of you been hit by a car or vehicle as a pedestrian? No one has said yes. That’s why it is easy to minimise.

Their child actually should have reported elderly relative to the DVLA. That was the right thing to do…get the license taken away.

@ToffeePennie because you're so upset by this ( and maybe rightly so, none of us were there) I feel you must just speak to her.

Go round her house, ask how she is,how is life, how was Christmas. And then gently ask ' do you recall that time your car ran into me etc etc. I was really taken back trying to figure out what happened....'

Her response will then decide where you go next. If she's 90 this might be a strange conversation. If she is cold and dismissive then you can't do any more but say how you feel about it.

Then just move forward as this is ridiculous 4 years on.

But ultimately the OP should just have spoken to the driver there was no need to involve the rest of the family or pay attention to their opinions.

Have you tried talking therapy, to possibly go over the grudge you hold 4 years later, it can't be healthy

If she's still driving and you feel she's a menace I would probably report her tbh. I'd never ever usually advise this sort of thing as I'm not one for reporting people. I kind of understand why you'd want the older children to say something if she's driving about at 90 doing that still. You probably feel they have more sway with her than anyone else.

The elderly driver was legally required to report the accident to the police. Otherwise it is failure to report an accident and 6 points off your license. Being on private land doesn’t change that.

Because the driver was elderly, OP went to adult child of driver and said this happened, and I suspected thought adult child should do something about it because it would probably of meant the elderly person losing their license. That was actaully a sensitive thing to do. She was told to forget about it. Then she finds out elderly person hit a wall and lost their license. No one has acknowledged OP or apologised.