To refuse to speak to this person until I receive an apology

[ToffeePennie]

This person has hurt me by slowly driving directly towards me whilst I was walking in a field, then hitting me. I clipped my right hip/knee and ankle on the car, but I did not report it as there were no witnesses and I was the only person injured (and my injuries were “brushed off” by the rest of my family as I was perfectly fine, apart from a few scrapes and bruises).
This took place at an event we attend locally about 4 years ago. I did not want to spoil the event for my children, but resolved that until the family member who hit me apologised, I would not speak to them, I would ignore them.
This person is elderly (90s) and their child is very aware and was told at the time. I was informed the person “is elderly and therefore we should cut them some slack, they probably didn’t even see you, or feel the bump of the car”. I firmly believe this takes the mick and they should have been told what they had done, if, they really didn’t know.
Said family member absolutely should not have been driving and a month after hitting me, they had another “little accident” where they drove into someone’s wall very very slowly and had their licence removed from them. So there’s not much more I can do about it. Note: this is not the sort of family member where I have any rights to intervene, nor does my DH.
However, being forced to be around this person over the festive period has made things more awkward again, and it’s now where I am pointedly ignoring them.
AIBU or Not?

Absolutely this - I think as this person is further into their 90's, four years later, your recollection window has closed, let alone your apology window!!

Is this an old Archers plot line?? Sounds bonkers. Why didn't you just move out of the way of the very slow moving vehicle?

You don't have to be best friends, but actively ignoring someone is immature and ridiculous behaviour.

You probably shouldn't attend events with this person, rather than causing an atmosphere and making everyone feel uncomfortable.

Four years is a long time to still be waiting for an apology, it's clearly not coming.

you sound bonkers

Sounds most odd.

Why didn't you move if this person was driving so slowly? And you are the only 'witness'.... sounds very strange.
It was 4 years ago. Yabvvvu not to have addressed it before, how very childish of you. How unfair to do that to an elderly person, to not talk to them for 4 years without a reasonable explanation as to why you were being silent.
At that time, the person was in their late 80s, now they are in their 90s and you are still behaving like a 5 year old.
Nasty

Someone in their 90s probably has very little memory of anything that happened 4 years ago. 40 years ago would be better.

You were unreasonable to not make a "big deal" of it at the time and then harbour resentment in your soul for 4 years. People aren't telepathic. It is stupid to not make a fuss and then expect people to nevertheless know how hurt you were. Martyrish annoying behaviour.

By all means carry on not speaking to them, they really won't care that much. I doubt any 90ish yo person is spending a lot of time worrying about the fact that Pennie hasn't spoken to them today.

I’m presuming the person is well aware why they’re being ignored since op made it sound as though they are refusing to apologise?

Every time I think I've read the strangest OP on mumsnet, along comes something like this.

This elderly person seems not to have known what she did. You weren't hurt. Yet FOR FOUR YEARS you've expected her to apologise for something she didn't know she'd done, and if you reminded her now, she wouldn't remember the event anyway.

Seriously, this indicates some very warped thinking on your part.

The incident does sound pretty scary as the elderly person drove straight into OP, causing some scrapes and bruises. I'm not sure why this person didn't apologise at the time, or even their adult child who knew what happened but tried to minimise and brush it off.

I think OP just wants an acknowledgement that this happened to her. The onus is on the OP to forgive and forget, rather than on the person who caused the accident or their adult child who could have said sorry on behalf of their parent.

Its all very cloak and dagger. I'm more concerned about the family covering up a potential dangerous driver and allowing them to get away with it because of their age. Get the apology from them - the old person won't have a clue what you're talking about.

My Mums in her 90s, she remembers everything. She doesn't drive any more. I was nearly knocked off my bike last year, 2024 by one of these noctogenerian drivers. I would blame his nearest and dearest, who didn't stop him driving, but that's probably another thread.

I think this another 'light the blue touchpaper and retire' OP

4 years ?

"they should have been told what they had done, if, they really didn’t know."

So why didn't you tell them ?

It doesn't sound like the elderly person is aware of the incident so as far as they know there is nothing to apologize for. Id forget it.

Sorry to minimise, but is anyone else thinking of the scene in Austin Powers where the slowest cart in the world is bearing down on them

@ToffeePennie the relationship would be good to know to help understand! is it a grandmother???

What? You’re refusing to speak to a 90 year old relative because they accidentally hit you very gently with a car? Surely the best course of action here would be to gently ensure that their driving ability is re-assessed as it seems they may no longer be safe on the roads.

I think your mistake was not to report it at the time. You say they had another accident a few weeks later and after that, no longer drove a car. That accident could have been more serious and someone could have been seriously injured or worse. Telling an elderly person they should no longer drive is a sensitive issue but it's obvious after an incident such as the one you describe, that for everyone's safety, they should hand over the keys. You were at fault for not taking action at the time and the drivers close relatives were certainly at fault. To be brooding over this after four years seems pretty pointless.

The time to have a discussion about this was four years ago. I would have just pulled the person to the side and told them you had been hit/was hurt. They would then have probably volunteered an apology, and you wouldn’t be still holding onto this four years later. Sounds like people got in between you by defending what he’d done, when it would have been better for you both to discuss directly with one another.

Report what? Who do you think is going to do something about a non accident on private property?

I was thinking of the milk float in father ted 😂

Exactly this... Why would one NOT step aside when a vehicle is being driven close to where one is standing? That's inadvisable.

{Assuming you have functioning legs}

Also..Passive aggressive ''silences''?? Why do a sulky silence? - far better to have said at the time ''watch where you are going!''

Four years you have been simmering over this?

This isn't healthy.

Given the recent murders by car drivers ploughing into pedestrians, you should be thanking them for only 'clipping' a knee/ankle.

No they don’t.