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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To refuse to speak to this person until I receive an apology

233 replies

ToffeePennie · 01/01/2025 18:03

This person has hurt me by slowly driving directly towards me whilst I was walking in a field, then hitting me. I clipped my right hip/knee and ankle on the car, but I did not report it as there were no witnesses and I was the only person injured (and my injuries were “brushed off” by the rest of my family as I was perfectly fine, apart from a few scrapes and bruises).
This took place at an event we attend locally about 4 years ago. I did not want to spoil the event for my children, but resolved that until the family member who hit me apologised, I would not speak to them, I would ignore them.
This person is elderly (90s) and their child is very aware and was told at the time. I was informed the person “is elderly and therefore we should cut them some slack, they probably didn’t even see you, or feel the bump of the car”. I firmly believe this takes the mick and they should have been told what they had done, if, they really didn’t know.
Said family member absolutely should not have been driving and a month after hitting me, they had another “little accident” where they drove into someone’s wall very very slowly and had their licence removed from them. So there’s not much more I can do about it. Note: this is not the sort of family member where I have any rights to intervene, nor does my DH.
However, being forced to be around this person over the festive period has made things more awkward again, and it’s now where I am pointedly ignoring them.
AIBU or Not?

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 01/01/2025 19:52

cartagenagina · 01/01/2025 19:47

The child who hired their elderly parent to assassinate OP.

Do keep up dear! 😝

This thread is the best thing that's happened to me today. 😂

HPandthelastwish · 01/01/2025 19:52

The (elderly) child that is moonlighting as a septuagenarian

BeAzureAnt · 01/01/2025 19:55

Op, I’m sorry that happened to you and your family minimised it because that was easier for them to do.

HPandthelastwish · 01/01/2025 19:56

They didn't minimise it, no one else was there and the person at fault doesn't even know there is an issue.

BeAzureAnt · 01/01/2025 19:56

Thepeopleversuswork · 01/01/2025 19:52

This thread is the best thing that's happened to me today. 😂

good for you.

MermaidEyes · 01/01/2025 19:57

This thread is the best thing that's happened to me today. 😂

The comments are pure gold 😂

Honestly, life's too short to hold a grudge for 4 years. Forget the incident and move on.

BeAzureAnt · 01/01/2025 19:57

HPandthelastwish · 01/01/2025 19:56

They didn't minimise it, no one else was there and the person at fault doesn't even know there is an issue.

Someone knew she was hurt. Did she scrape and bruise herself? She was hurt by a family member running into her. It is easier for her family to pretend it didn’t happen and tell her to suck it iup.

BeAzureAnt · 01/01/2025 19:58

MermaidEyes · 01/01/2025 19:57

This thread is the best thing that's happened to me today. 😂

The comments are pure gold 😂

Honestly, life's too short to hold a grudge for 4 years. Forget the incident and move on.

Good for you that you find someone getting hurt hilarious.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 01/01/2025 20:00

Baffled.

Haffiana · 01/01/2025 20:01

I think there should be a Mumsnet Hall of Fame Award for the "Holding the Longest and Most Ridiculous Grudge Despite being an Actual Grownup".

There could be a subsection for "Holding a Random Relative Accountable Whilst Not Telling Them Of Course".

Thepeopleversuswork · 01/01/2025 20:01

@BeAzureAnt

Good for you that you find someone getting hurt hilarious.

Oh get over yourself, the OP didn't get hurt. This was a small, accidental prang which did no lasting damage, inflicted by a very elderly person four years ago. People forgive major crimes in less time.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 01/01/2025 20:02

HPandthelastwish · 01/01/2025 19:56

They didn't minimise it, no one else was there and the person at fault doesn't even know there is an issue.

I was informed the person “is elderly and therefore we should cut them some slack, they probably didn’t even see you, or feel the bump of the car”.

Sounds like minimizing.

Betchyaby · 01/01/2025 20:03

@BeAzureAnt Why didn't OP take it up with the driver then and there rather than passively aggressively ignoring said person for 4 years and writing about it on NYD. It's odd.

A simple:

'Fucking hell Barbara you've just nearly ran me over!'
'Oh did I?! I'm so sorry I didn't see you!'
'I'm hurt but it was an accident, lets just forget about it....'

Problem solved.

BeAzureAnt · 01/01/2025 20:03

Mumtobabyhavoc · 01/01/2025 20:02

I was informed the person “is elderly and therefore we should cut them some slack, they probably didn’t even see you, or feel the bump of the car”.

Sounds like minimizing.

Yup.

BeAzureAnt · 01/01/2025 20:04

Betchyaby · 01/01/2025 20:03

@BeAzureAnt Why didn't OP take it up with the driver then and there rather than passively aggressively ignoring said person for 4 years and writing about it on NYD. It's odd.

A simple:

'Fucking hell Barbara you've just nearly ran me over!'
'Oh did I?! I'm so sorry I didn't see you!'
'I'm hurt but it was an accident, lets just forget about it....'

Problem solved.

Because her family didn’t want the driver to get their license taken away? They didn’t want an insurance claim? it was easier to ignore the fact OP was hurt?

BeAzureAnt · 01/01/2025 20:05

Thepeopleversuswork · 01/01/2025 20:01

@BeAzureAnt

Good for you that you find someone getting hurt hilarious.

Oh get over yourself, the OP didn't get hurt. This was a small, accidental prang which did no lasting damage, inflicted by a very elderly person four years ago. People forgive major crimes in less time.

The OP is upset. I wouldn’t want to be hit by a vehicle and have family tell me to forget about it. have you been hit by a vehicle before?

ilovesushi · 01/01/2025 20:06

Not sure who your anger is directed at. The old person who clipped you, but was unawares, or the family of the old person because they didn't stop them driving? The latter makes some sense, but doesn't sound like either. Sounds for some reason that you want to shame the 90 year old by making a grovelling apology to you for your own satisfaction. At 90 they may not be fully compos mentis and are going to be hard pressed to remember this event particularly if they didn't even know it happened. But sure go ahead if you want to make the whole family feel like crap because years ago an OAP slowly bumped you on a field. 🙄

BeAzureAnt · 01/01/2025 20:06

Haffiana · 01/01/2025 20:01

I think there should be a Mumsnet Hall of Fame Award for the "Holding the Longest and Most Ridiculous Grudge Despite being an Actual Grownup".

There could be a subsection for "Holding a Random Relative Accountable Whilst Not Telling Them Of Course".

I think there ought to be a Mumsnet Hall of Fame for most cruel treatment of a poster. Maybe this thread can be up there.

Making fun of someone getting hurt sucks.

Cloudysky81 · 01/01/2025 20:06

They’re at least 94 now, are they still alive? I can’t imagine they have many more years left to apologise.

Betchyaby · 01/01/2025 20:07

BeAzureAnt · 01/01/2025 20:04

Because her family didn’t want the driver to get their license taken away? They didn’t want an insurance claim? it was easier to ignore the fact OP was hurt?

Why would there be an insurance claim? These people are relatives and it was an accident.

Basically, OP didn't have the gumption for whatever reason to take it up with the driver at the time and has silently simmered away with rage for 4 years as a result.

BeAzureAnt · 01/01/2025 20:09

ilovesushi · 01/01/2025 20:06

Not sure who your anger is directed at. The old person who clipped you, but was unawares, or the family of the old person because they didn't stop them driving? The latter makes some sense, but doesn't sound like either. Sounds for some reason that you want to shame the 90 year old by making a grovelling apology to you for your own satisfaction. At 90 they may not be fully compos mentis and are going to be hard pressed to remember this event particularly if they didn't even know it happened. But sure go ahead if you want to make the whole family feel like crap because years ago an OAP slowly bumped you on a field. 🙄

maybe the family should feel like crap. They didn’t exactly act well. But it is easier for OP to suck it up and pretend it didn’t happen. Someone should apologise for sure.

The elderly person should not have been driving, and no one in the family stepped in, in time…the OP was hit as a result. They later acted when the elderly person hit a wall because then there had to be an insurance claim. When money and property were involved, then it was important. When OP was hit, well she should suck it up.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 01/01/2025 20:10

I can't quite figure out why, if the driver was going so slowly, the OP didn't catch up to them, especially as later on she says the driver was apparently aware they'd hit "someone or something" and make them stop? Did the OP fall over? If the field was something to do with an event how come there were no witnesses? Why shouldn't the driver have been driving on this bit if the field? Were there other vehicles?

I honestly just can't imagine a scenario like this evolving among family members on a day out and the whole thing being so vague, never mind unresolved after 4 years.....

DaftyLass · 01/01/2025 20:11

What does ignoring a 90 year old achieve, exactly?

BeAzureAnt · 01/01/2025 20:14

Betchyaby · 01/01/2025 20:07

Why would there be an insurance claim? These people are relatives and it was an accident.

Basically, OP didn't have the gumption for whatever reason to take it up with the driver at the time and has silently simmered away with rage for 4 years as a result.

They acted when the elderly person hit a wall and they didn’t then drive anymore. I bet there was an insurance claim then.

THe point is they didn’t want any further investigation because this person should not have been driving. The OP making a fuss would have caused problems.

Dismissing someone who was bruised up when being hit by someone in a vehicle is not cool. Making fun of them for being upset about it because no one for apologise for it the OP’s family is also not cool.

People justify all kinds of stuff saying…ooh it was a long time ago…here victim, you should just forget all about it and suck it up, buttercup.

unsync · 01/01/2025 20:15

If they are unaware they hit you, and you won't tell them, how are they supposed to apologise? Don't be a dick. Either tell them and see if they apologise, or don't and get over it.