To refuse to speak to this person until I receive an apology

[ToffeePennie]

This person has hurt me by slowly driving directly towards me whilst I was walking in a field, then hitting me. I clipped my right hip/knee and ankle on the car, but I did not report it as there were no witnesses and I was the only person injured (and my injuries were “brushed off” by the rest of my family as I was perfectly fine, apart from a few scrapes and bruises).
This took place at an event we attend locally about 4 years ago. I did not want to spoil the event for my children, but resolved that until the family member who hit me apologised, I would not speak to them, I would ignore them.
This person is elderly (90s) and their child is very aware and was told at the time. I was informed the person “is elderly and therefore we should cut them some slack, they probably didn’t even see you, or feel the bump of the car”. I firmly believe this takes the mick and they should have been told what they had done, if, they really didn’t know.
Said family member absolutely should not have been driving and a month after hitting me, they had another “little accident” where they drove into someone’s wall very very slowly and had their licence removed from them. So there’s not much more I can do about it. Note: this is not the sort of family member where I have any rights to intervene, nor does my DH.
However, being forced to be around this person over the festive period has made things more awkward again, and it’s now where I am pointedly ignoring them.
AIBU or Not?

She did not say that they were the only people in the field. She said that no one else witnessed her get hit. It was a local event and OP’s children and the driver’s child were there, according to the first post. It sounds more like there were people around but not immediately next to her when it happened.

That said, it sounds like this has had a strangely significant psychological impact considering how minor the incident was. I’m not sure if you’re still reading, OP, but if you started crying I’m wondering if it scared you badly? Are you afraid of cars and traffic, and this perhaps made it worse? The rumination and needing to talk and get closure makes it sound like your brain has had a trauma response to this event for some reason. Rather than talking to the person’s son/daughter, I think you would be better off seeing a psychologist that can help you unpick why this seemingly minor event has caused such a severe reaction for you.

Thank you. Getting hit by a vehicle when a pedestrian is not necessarily minor, even if the injuries may be.

The person is not still driving because their licence was taken away a month after the incident involving the OP. It's in the first post!

Maybe it's just me but I seriously don't understand any of this.

Even if they apologise, you'll still be angry. Let it go.

I am still here, reading and trying to absorb opinions as best I can.
I am very frustrated that the lack of acknowledgement resulted in the car crash with a wall. I do feel the adult daughter should have done something as soon as she was told.
I am also trying to let it go. Which seems to many to be the most obvious thing to do.

Everyone has been unreasonable.

Personally I don’t think an apology from adult daughter would be out of line. I tend to find a sincere apology from another resolves a lot. I also don’t think there is an expiration date for apologies.

I’m sorry you went through what you did and wish you the best.

It still doesn't make sense why the OP wouldn't have immediately confronted the driver, though. Why wasn't her first response, "hey, you hit me with your car?!" She wasn't badly hurt, so should have been capable of this.

Do you think that if your field incident had been acknowledged, that the driver would have had their licence taken away sooner?

Are you the same peer group as the daughter or is she a generation apart from you?

You should have reported it to the police. Her next victim might not be so lucky. It sounds like there is no way she should be driving.

4 years ago and it still annoys you? Holding a grudge much!

Because the driver was elderly, and she thought talking with the daughter of the driver was the more sensitive thing to do?

Legally, The elderly person should have reported the accident. The elderly person would have had to report the accident even if she hit a dog (but not a cat or horse). Barring that, the adult daughter should have acted

You keep saying this but the OP got no adequate response there so should have just dealt with it at the time themselves rather than hold onto it for 4 years.

This was 4 years ago and they are now in their 90's and by your own admission you don't know if they even know that they hit you....seriously?? They may well not know why you are blanking them - do you want them to go to the grave like that? Give them the benefit of the doubt and get over it for everyone's sake.

If you are involved in a vehicle accident, you are responsible for reporting it. As you were not injured significantly, there was no reason why you could t have reported it, but you chose not to. That’s YOUR choice, no one else’s!
Are you now saying that by hitting you he then was made to hit a wall? If he had gone on to hit a child, it would have still been on you for not reporting the incident with you.

If you'd read the whole thread you’d realise she is a he and he has already had his license taken.

OP had a word with the adult daughter rightly assuming she would deal with the conversation of….parent, you really shouldn’t be driving. Instead, she was told to not say anything.

Here is dealing with it legally. Ok, so OP should then report the elderly driver to the police, the elderly person would have had to go to traffic court for injuring a person whilst driving (driving without due care or attention), failing to report an accident, also could be failing to stop after an accident. At a minimum, it would be six points on her license, possibly a fine. At this point, the judge would have ordered an examination for fitness to drive and stopped him driving.

I’m trying to imagine the family response. Everyone would have been like…OP is so cruel and unreasonable for victimising an elderly person. She probably would have been ostracised from her family.

The adult daughter should have dealt with this, not the OP.

The driver is responsible for reporting an accident. It is illegal not to do so.

Sorry for mix of her and him. The driver is a he as I see upthread.

I have only read your posts, op, but surely the question here is: what exactly are you achieving by holding this grudge?

I think part of the problem with the scenario as described is that it is unclear whether the driver was aware they'd made contact with the OP at all. And that's the big problem really - after 4 years, and with the driver no longer driving after the wall incident, the whole thing is a bit 😳.

It's clear the OP is still aggrieved but I get the feeling it's about a whole lot more than this one incident. I hope at some point they achieve some peace with it though.

@ToffeePennie I’m really confused by this. Are you saying that you were standing in a field, and the 90 year old was driving an electric car across a field (I mean why) and hit you from behind? You didn’t move out the way because you couldn’t hear the electric car?

From what you’ve said it sounds like the child of the 90 year old (your cousin perhaps?) knew it happened, didn’t offer a apology and told you to keep it quiet.

Then a few weeks later the same 90 crashed into a wall?

Does the 90 year old have dementia or some other impairment by any chance and was told by a doctor not to drive? Didn’t have a clue where she was at or what she was doing which prompted her to drive across a field instead of on a road?
Your cousins wouldn’t put their foot down and make her stop driving, whilst knowing she was not mentally capable? So she’s ended up having 2 crashes before her licence was revoked and they told you to keep quiet to try and cover their own arses because she isn’t mentally fit to be able to make that decision to drive in the first place? If they have some kind of power of attorney they could potentially get in trouble because they haven’t acted correctly?

im presuming as you weren’t seriously injured, you agreed to let it slide, but as of yet no one has actually apologised to you for what happened and that’s what you think is the least they could
do considering you have saved them from potential trouble with the law?

I could have just created a plot for a tv programme there but this is the only thing currently making any sense to me lol.

I don’t think OP is coming back, probably pinned under a fairground teacup she didn’t see coming!

This is how I read it.