To refuse to speak to this person until I receive an apology

[ToffeePennie]

This person has hurt me by slowly driving directly towards me whilst I was walking in a field, then hitting me. I clipped my right hip/knee and ankle on the car, but I did not report it as there were no witnesses and I was the only person injured (and my injuries were “brushed off” by the rest of my family as I was perfectly fine, apart from a few scrapes and bruises).
This took place at an event we attend locally about 4 years ago. I did not want to spoil the event for my children, but resolved that until the family member who hit me apologised, I would not speak to them, I would ignore them.
This person is elderly (90s) and their child is very aware and was told at the time. I was informed the person “is elderly and therefore we should cut them some slack, they probably didn’t even see you, or feel the bump of the car”. I firmly believe this takes the mick and they should have been told what they had done, if, they really didn’t know.
Said family member absolutely should not have been driving and a month after hitting me, they had another “little accident” where they drove into someone’s wall very very slowly and had their licence removed from them. So there’s not much more I can do about it. Note: this is not the sort of family member where I have any rights to intervene, nor does my DH.
However, being forced to be around this person over the festive period has made things more awkward again, and it’s now where I am pointedly ignoring them.
AIBU or Not?

Yeah, did you just stand there and watch the car driving slowly towards you? Didn't you think about moving out of the way?
They are 90, let it go! They might not be around next Christmas so why not just forget it and move on.

Was the field a makeshift car park, so a fair bit going on, and they just clipped you with the mirror as they left, or just you in a field being aimed at? The details sound like the former, but you are phrasing it as a targeted attack. It also sounds like it was fairly minor.

It wasn't a pleasant thing, but expecting an apology for something they didn't realise at the time and will probably struggle to remember at all is not a grudge that you should be nurturing. It is just making you look petty, feel aggreived and every family meet up harder than it needs to be. You need to decide if it will actually make you happy if they give a cursory apology for something they know nothing about just to keep the peace, that's your best case scenario.

I also don't understand how all your rage is aimed at the 90yo and not the people who did know it had happened but wanted to brush it under the carpet. Seems a bit unfair tbh

You wrote that s/he doesn't even know that it happened, so holding out for an apology is completely pointless, if they've noticed your stonewalling they probably just think you're a bit weird.

I can’t understand how this happened. Were you tied to railway tracks at the time and unable to move?

No witnesses?

I think your options were report at the time, or forever shut up about it.

I’m sorry but letting (most) 90 years olds drive a car is akin to letting a 6 year old get behind the wheel. Yes I am aware there will be the odd exception but not many. Unless they have been laughing and boasting about it let it go OP, they probably don’t even remember it now.

Just to answer the question, I didn’t see or hear the electric car. I had my back to the part of the field the relative was driving on. They should not have been driving on that section of the field. They absolutely knew they had hit “something or someone”. At the time I tried to say something, but was shaken up and told to quieten down and ended up just crying instead.
I can see how I am being unreasonable by not holding their child accountable and I think I will discuss the whole incident with the child and see if it maybe helps me if I can get some kind of closure. I think I need to discuss it openly as keeping it inside for the last 4 years really hasn’t been healthy!
I will also see if I can speak to this family member and try to talk to them about why I have been so very cold towards them, try and get over it for my own sake.

This is honestly so bizarre and I am struggling to understand who did what to whom and why but it seems highly unlikely that this was intended to seriously hurt you.

Either this person has some cognitive issue or was being an attention seeker. It’s either deserving of compassion or frustration, and I can imagine being slow charged by a demented elder in a car would be infuriating but I can’t see what holding out for an apology will achieve?

If they felt an apology was deserved they would have issued one years ago. And not to put too fine a point on it they are very likely to die in the next couple of years anyway. You will certainly piss other family members off being this hardline about it. What’s the point?

What exactly are you achieving by not speaking to this person, other than an "awkward" time for yourself (and presumably others)?

Whatever the original rights and wrongs, four years of holding a grudge against an elderly person it sounds as though you don't have to see much anyway feels excessive and unhealthy.

And is it them you're actually angry with anyway? It sounds more as though you feel your other family should have done more- so what are you doing to resolve those feelings with them? Are you hoping that awkward family time will prompt them to act now, four years later...?

In any case, you obviously have to find a way to move on. So either work out what would make you feel better and ask for it, or move on before it ruins more relationships and family events for you.

The "child" of a ninetysomething being a.... seventysomething????

How old are you, op? Are these elderly aunts and uncles?

It sounds like everyone else thinks they didn't really do it on purpose, plus didn't even realise it had happened.

None of this makes what happened ok, if anything it’s worse 🙈 Op was hit by a car ffs. Sometimes the batshittery of the people on this website is utterly astounding.

How is it the fault of the drivers adult child? Were they egging them on? Left a bit, you nearly got her then dad!

Can you explain the wider context?

YANBU

You can hold a grudge until they die, your prerogative. They wronged you and didn't apologise. Simple.

I never hold much sway with "they're nearly dead so let them get away with bigotry/racism/bad behaviour"

If you are an arsehole, i don't have to out up with you just because you've got old, you're still an ah.

Agreed , cognitive decline can be serious in some older people.
I had an elderly {didn't ask their age} man and his wife offer me a lift after an older neighbour's funeral, and the old boy pulled out of the church and turned right , straight onto a dual carriageway, into oncoming traffic.

He didn't;t realise, nor did his wife til I said ''What are you doing?? this is a dual carriageway!''

Other motorists were beeping at us, the old man did a U turn, and thankfully no-one was injured {or worse}

THIS
LET IT GO!

Honestly, life’s too short to hold on to this kind of grudge, someone who by the sounds of things shouldn’t have been driving, might not know they clipped you with their car. Be grateful that before they lost their licence something much worse didn’t happen. No-one died. Other people in similar scenarios haven’t been so fortunate. I think it was pretty irresponsible of you and the other family members not to make the driver aware at the time though. If I was concerned about someone’s fitness to drive and no action was being taken I would have contacted the police and/or DVLA.

Let it go and move on.

You want “closure” for an accident that left an injury you can brush off? God, at 40 I stopped tolerating ridiculous drama so by 90 I’m pretty sure I would have no more fucks to give. You’ve held this for 4 years? The only person damaging you is you.

Maybe the family do not want to take liability for an injury claim.

Time to channel your inner Elsa love.

This. Exactly, this was 4 years ago, she was 90, let it go

What injury claim? There is nothing wrong with her!

You sound like an absolute drama queen..
She's 90 , it's 4 years ago ...no long term damage.. are you always like this about things ?

Who told you to "quiet down"?

Even if it wasn't on purpose why wouldn't the person have wanted to know?

Perhaps to decide for themselves to no longer drive?

Bizarre!

It’s not that serious though. It’s seriously weird to need to talk this incident out for closure. Most people wouldn’t even remember it after 4 years. You seem to think it’s a significant event. It’s really nothing

If the 90 year old was driving, why is their child (I assume an adult) responsible?