SIL being a bit bitchy about name choice

[Pettypity]

My SIL is pregnant and has found out she’s having a girl. She’s announced the name despite only being about half way through the pregnant. The issue is that the name is the one she knew I was going to use if my last pregnancy had have been a girl. She also knows my husband and I are trying and recently suffered a miscarriage. I’m prepared to be told I’m being unreasonable because no one has claim on a name. I just think it’s really bitchy of her when she knows I had planned to call a baby girl this name.

she done similar with her last baby too, announced the name a few weeks before I gave birth and it was another one of the names we were considering

Stop telling people the names you've chosen. Good luck with your next pregnancy.

If she actually likes the name and wants to use it then she can.

There's a chance that you wouldn't have a girl if you had another and then no one would get to use the name they liked.

Use any name you want... She can stfu. Sorry for your loss op...

You’ll get flamed OP but I agree with you. Nobody owns a name but that doesn’t mean people can be devoid of all sensitivity.

I also think people who announce names before a baby is born have an over inflated sense of how important they are. It’s just odd and impatient.

Shes not unreasonable at all. You may never have a girl so it's silly to say no one else can use any of the names you like.

You obviously like the same sort of names and that's all there is to it unless you're implying she's choosing these names and she doesn't actually like them it's just to make a statement.

I'm really sorry for your miscarriage, that's very sad for you. I do think it's a lesson in not telling anyone names that you like. Other people might hear the name and decide they really like it. Saying that, you can use any name you like. I have two cousins with the same name. No one thinks anything of it.

I’m prepared to be told I’m being unreasonable because no one has claim on a name.

Good.

If you do have a baby girl, you can still use this name if you still want to. You can't stop her from using the name and she can't stop you.

No one owns a name and you can’t expect her to not use a name she likes because you were going to use it if you had a girl. You can still use the name if you want to even if she does. If she’s a bitch, distance yourself from her.

Why does she know it? If you have had this problem before, why would you tell her?

Yes you are being unreasonable. If you want to use the name in future you can still use it. Stop telling her the names you like though

She is being a complete bitch to use that name, yes.

Aside from that - it is never a good idea to tell anyone these things in advance.

If she did it before, you knew that she could do it again. Don’t discuss names with her!

Gently OP, YABU. Tell her it's a lovely choice, and if you have a girl in the future you'll definitely be using it too - as you were going to before. Cousins have the same names all the time. It won't really affect their/your lives much tbh. She's being a bit of a twat, given the circumstances, but it is what it is. And stop giving her valuable information.

She is insensitive and mean-spirited. Find some new names and tell no one. Or, make up a shitty name and tell her about that and she might steal it for the next one.

So you also announced your preferred name while pregnant?

Sorry about your loss. I imagine that makes this quite painful.

I'm usually in the "you don't own a name" camp, but this does sound annoying tbh.

Don't let this one bother you, pick another name if you do have a girl in the future and absolutely do not tell anyone your choice before she is born.

For the life of me I dont understand why people who are so precious about noone using "their names" go around announcing it in advance to all and sundry- just why- you must know that if you broadcast a name around others may hear it, like it, and then use it?

If it's so important to you keep it quiet- it seems you've done this twice now!! Madness.

YABU, especially because the name she chose was one of several you were "considering" if your son had been a girl. She chose the name she likes, and she is not a bitch for doing this, or for deciding what name she likes halfway through the pregnancy, or for telling people now what name she has chosen.

If you make an issue out of this you are the one who is being bitchy, so don't do it.

She's absolutely fine to use it - it's not like there's a sad reason behind not using the name, you just had a boy.

It is quite odd to take a name someone in your family has mentioned they are planning to use, assuming they don't have a long list of 'reserved' names and it's not a family name that you might both have already thought about using. If she's done this before, you really shouldn't have spoken about name choices with her again. Now that the damage is done, you can either choose another name (and don't breathe a word of it to SIL or anyone else who might pass it along) or just use the name anyway. Cousins can have the same name and just use nicknames, variations on the name, etc among the larger family.

I think the issue in these situations is that to the OP it's been a very memorable conversation where they have expressed a deep desire over the name Florence-Kirkpatrick-Jade and made it very clear that this is their name that they want to give.

To the other person, if they remember the conversation at all, it was more about a light chat about baby names where they both said a few names they liked and might use, but no definite plans.

Just give your child any name you want and don't worry if it's the same as her choice

I'm usually the first to say no one owns a name but I do think this is bitchy.

Don't give her any information about your baby name choices until your children are actually born.

just use the name if you wish

I know cousins with the same name - don't over think it