SIL being a bit bitchy about name choice

[Pettypity]

My SIL is pregnant and has found out she’s having a girl. She’s announced the name despite only being about half way through the pregnant. The issue is that the name is the one she knew I was going to use if my last pregnancy had have been a girl. She also knows my husband and I are trying and recently suffered a miscarriage. I’m prepared to be told I’m being unreasonable because no one has claim on a name. I just think it’s really bitchy of her when she knows I had planned to call a baby girl this name.

she done similar with her last baby too, announced the name a few weeks before I gave birth and it was another one of the names we were considering

You can't 'steal' a name full stop.

You don’t own names, she’s entitled to use it.

If you hand a girl there’s nothing wrong with cousins having the same first name, especially if the name is very popular.

Depends if it is a common name or not? There is every chance SIL already had it picked out or simply heard it from you and instantly loved it. There is no guarantee that you will ever have a girl, your next one may be another boy. So sorry for your loss.

Lots of cousins in our family has the same name. And many families I know. Mostly named after the grandpa and grandma.
So grandpa David had 2 sons. John and Aaron and they both names their sons David.
Back in the day eldest boy was named after paternal grandfather. (Second boy after maternal grandfather) So many cousins have the same name.

See she says she had this name picked out long before she even met BIL and that if her MC a few years ago or her son hadve been a girl she would’ve called them this name too but I just don’t know if I believe that or not.

BIL is siding with her saying they’ve had the name picked from years ago and that it’s just coincidence that we both like it and if I had have had a girl when I had my last son, his wife would’ve have had to suck it up and that me and my husband should be doing the same

the first time around I was pregnant and announced names for a girl (being the name we both like) and a list of boys names. I didn’t know she was miscarrying at the time. She got pregnant soon after and found out the gender before I gave birth, she picked a boys name from the list I said

Tbh I don't think you can effectively call dibs on a whole list of names. You've no idea whether she was already considering this name, but was just choosing not to talk about names with anyone. I don't think anything wrong here.

Her using the one girl name you mentioned is different.

Just stop telling each other what names you intend to use. Problem solved.

And use whatever name you fancy. If that means two cousins end up with the same first forename (presumably any second forename you use will be different?) then so be it. It happens.

What are the odds that of all the names in the world she would coincidentally choose the same name as you, had you never told her?

You both blurt out names before babies are born rather than keeping it to yourselves so you're as bad as each other.

She only knows what name you choose because you told her.

The thing is, OP, if you had never told her the name you had picked out for a girl, then if she is lying and has done this deliberately she probably would have ended up choosing something else and the name would still be available for you to use, and if she is telling the truth then you would at least know that she had not done it deliberately and probably find it easier to accept as just one of those things.

No good can come of sharing your baby name choices with people before your baby is born.

Unfortunately now you just have to move on.

Good luck with TTC, I hope you have a healthy baby and manage to find another name you love even more.

No one does this in real life though. Of course you won’t call the child the same name as their cousin

I can't quite believe I've just read that?

I'm from a huge Irish family and lots of cousins have the same names.

Yes it is bitchy, I would be inclined to tell a Whopper that you think X is a beautiful name that you are considering if you are able to get pregnant again then I wouldn't be at all surprisef that baby is suddenly called the new name you wanted. Good luck hope it works out for you.

Why is it that you don't believe them?

If you hadn't tried to claim the name, and after the gender reveal your SIL told you the name she was using (not knowing it was the same one you wanted), what would you have done then? Particularly if you'd had a girl, as you'd have given birth first would you have used it anyway?

You must realise that (some) English posters on this site think they're the only ones here.

This ^

Even if they did like the name originally that shouldn't be the issue, they should put your feelings 1st, what's a name anyway! They sound shallow sorry OP you will have to suck it up then.

I’m sorry for your loss and I’m sorry that you’re hurting. Unfortunately it sounds like she’s not going to change her mind. All you can do is not share any names with her in the future.

I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriage. That makes this all the more emotional for you.

I think though you need to see the bigger picture, these people are going to be in your life for a long time. It all sounds a little bit childish with you speaking to the in-laws about it, the brother-in-law about it. You’re making this into much more of an issue than it should be.

I think you just need to let this one go and in future don’t share baby names.

You must realise that (some) English posters on this site think they're the only ones here.

I'm English and I have the same name as my cousin. Our mothers were pregnant at the same time and both picked the same name. It's never been weird or confusing.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

How do you know this isn't true? If I liked a name for years and you told me you also liked the name, I wouldn't abandon it on the chance you might have a girl one day. That would be silly.

It's a bit crap other but it's up to her what name she uses.

In the future don't share the names you love give a few liked ones

By that logic anyone can lay claim to a name before the baby even exists.

It's not that unusual for relatives and friends to like the same names, and ultimately whoever has the baby of that gender first gets to use it.

It has happened a couple of times amongst my friend group and it's just one of those things. Nobody stole the names, it was just coincidence.

Why should they put her feelings first? It sounds like both women had miscarriages, so that can't be the reason.

I'm English and some of my cousins have the same names, I thought it was normal because I know of others as well.

I think this was a poster issue rather than English.