SIL being a bit bitchy about name choice

[Pettypity]

My SIL is pregnant and has found out she’s having a girl. She’s announced the name despite only being about half way through the pregnant. The issue is that the name is the one she knew I was going to use if my last pregnancy had have been a girl. She also knows my husband and I are trying and recently suffered a miscarriage. I’m prepared to be told I’m being unreasonable because no one has claim on a name. I just think it’s really bitchy of her when she knows I had planned to call a baby girl this name.

she done similar with her last baby too, announced the name a few weeks before I gave birth and it was another one of the names we were considering

People can be really weird about names. (Now ex) SIL and I were pregnant at the same time, I was due about 4 months before her. She knew she was having a boy, I didn't. She announced to me that they were calling their baby Bill. She said she told me in case i was thinking of using that name. I wasn't. When her DS was born she named him Ben. I asked why she'd changed her mind and she said she'd always planned to call him Ben, but told me a false name because she thought I would "steal" it. Bloody weird.

It just so happens that my brother named his eldest DD one of my favourite ever girls names, and one I'd always imagined using. He doesn't know that and I'll never tell him. I've never had a DD, so having a niece with the name is really special.

No sorry there’s 2 different timelines, sorry I haven’t explained this well.

the first time around I was pregnant and announced names for a girl (being the name we both like) and a list of boys names. I didn’t know she was miscarrying at the time. She got pregnant soon after and found out the gender before I gave birth, she picked a boys name from the list I said (although she said I never said this name and her and BIL had it picked out long before that) and I had a boy a few weeks later.

fast forward to today, she is pregnant and has announced she’s using the girls name I said a few years ago being the only girl’s name I liked. Again she’s claiming she’s always loved this name.

I just read that through again, you mentioned the girl name as one you liked for your last pregnancy, but you didn't use it as you had a boy?
At that point I wouldn't consider the name 'claimed' at all, and some people lack imagination, they like names they hear.
And it sounds like this is a few years ago, does she even remember you saying you liked it?

Stop telling people your baby names!

You may never have a girl though?

I am sorry for your loss, but she isn’t being unreasonable. If you still want to use the name once you have your next baby, use it.

Oh well, it's the first 'stealing baby name' thread of 2025.

God knows, there'll be plenty more during the coming year! 🤦‍♀️

Also - stop sharing your name lists, no one needs to ‘announce’ a list of potential names, it’s just silly, up there with gender reveals.

I think you need to let all this go.

Good luck with your next pregnancy.

All you can say is,
"Great, we'll have same name twins! It will be so cool to have big Bessie S and Little Bessie S. They will love having the same name. It will be extra special for cousin closeness."
Be positive. Then see what happens and how you feel later.

You might never have a girl and considering this conversation was literally years ago you are putting a lot of weight on what was probably a very casual discussion.

You might never have a girl but she is and she’s entitled to name them whatever she likes.

I am very very sorry for your loss but as someone who has experienced recurrent late stage miscarriage, I think you’re letting your emotions over this situation cloud your reaction and judgement. It’s really not worth causing a massive falling out over.

Wishing you lots of luck conceiving in 2025x

I normally think the whole “no one can own names” side lacks empathy, however these are just names in a list of names you like. What do you expect her to do? Dismiss all on your top names list?

I'd start feeding her names I hated. Oh I know you love Olivia. It is a lovely name. I've always like Amelia but I think Ava is my all time favourite.

Don't ever share names you like again.

My SIL did this. She decided to call my nephew my boys name. I had lost 4 babies at that point. Even the suggestion was unforgivable.

Or they can both use the name, what does it matter if both children have the same name?

The bit that is unreasonable is the fact you told her your chosen name. If something like this is important to you, and it would upset you to choose the same name, then don’t tell anyone.

I do understand though. I personally wouldn’t choose a name that I knew was a choice of someone else.

You've had a miscarriage and your hormones have been smashed about.

SIL has knowingly used a name you'd lovingly spoken about, sorry but I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

In future don't tell them anything, or use a name you really dislike. 😉

You can’t tell someone not to use a name

No one does this in real life though. Of course you won’t call the child the same name as their cousin

I find it extraordinary though when there are literally thousands upon thousands of names available, 2 related pregnant women settle upon exactly the same name without any family connection to the particular name. Surely that has to be statistically less likely than winning the lottery?

Stop telling people things. I tell no one nothing until it’s happening or happened. Not everyone has your best intentions. It’s rubbish but it’s happened, move on don’t give it your energy.

if you have another baby you’ll come up with another name and keep it to yourself.

The fact that OP tried to claim the name to avoid SIL 'stealing' it just shows that it was likely to be a name SIL was keen on already.

If the thread was from the SIL's perspective I think the replies would be different, i.e. I'm pregnant and have chosen the name Emma for a girl, but shortly afterwards my SIL announced that this was her preferred girl's name. She ended up having a boy and I'm having a girl, AIBU to use the name Emma as I had always intended to?

In that case people would be telling her to go ahead.

Unless it’s some very unique name that you can tell for sure she ripped off, I don’t think there’s really an issue.

Not great, but not that problematic either.

She can't steal something she doesn't know of? You told her and only then could she 'steal' it.
I'd have kept me mouth shut.
But you live and learn op.

This is it. They would have the same surname too, maybe if they had different surnames it would be ok.

It’s a difficult one- no one has a claim to a name but it does seem a bit heartless that she’s done that

Personally I think it's ridiculous and cruel that your SIL HAS to use the exact same name you were going to call your baby you sadly lost. Have you spoken to your brother about this? About how hurtful it is? She's a bitch.

It sounds like you have an absolutely horrible relationship with one another so it probably doesn't matter.

If you think she's naming a human being, her own child to spite you, if you believe that, then you should never see her again and your child should not have even a passing relationship with her. Even if you have to move to the other side of the world.

That would be the behaviour of a lunatic.