SIL being a bit bitchy about name choice

[Pettypity]

My SIL is pregnant and has found out she’s having a girl. She’s announced the name despite only being about half way through the pregnant. The issue is that the name is the one she knew I was going to use if my last pregnancy had have been a girl. She also knows my husband and I are trying and recently suffered a miscarriage. I’m prepared to be told I’m being unreasonable because no one has claim on a name. I just think it’s really bitchy of her when she knows I had planned to call a baby girl this name.

she done similar with her last baby too, announced the name a few weeks before I gave birth and it was another one of the names we were considering

ah thanks, I must have got it twisted when reading!

You can’t reserve a name. YABU

I understand your hurt/frustration but do you really think someone would name their child something out of revenge? Like, that sounds like the plot to some god awful Channel 5 daytime film.

Well no, of course there isn't?

As I said, you can't steal a name.

Especially as according to the OP, she mentioned this name to Sil when sil was miscarrying - why would sil decide to think back to a name she heard in this situation, rather than as sil said, she’s always liked that name?

the name is the one she knew I was going to use if my last pregnancy had have been a girl.

But you didn't have a girl so she perhaps thought it was now ok to use-that's if she even thought about it!

@myrtleWilson
A name is just a name. Op has also recently miscarried too

But if you don’t tell her…there’s nothing to steal??

i have to say I don’t quite understand why you told anyone any of the names you were considering for either gender.

FFS. If you really want to use the name IF you have a girl, then just tell them that you’ll still use it. Say to SIL & BIL that it will be lovely that the cousins have the bond of the same name. Say it now & say it loud so everyone has time to get used to it (if it happens that way). But for goodness sake don’t mention any ideas for middle names!

Sorry for your loss. With people like this in your life it was a mistake to share your pick of name. Unfortunately, you weren’t to know.
After trying to get pregnant for 10 years I shared my choice of names with family only for them to ridicule my choice-basically they wanted to choose the name of MY baby. I listened to them and didn’t go with the name I preferred. Now there another 3 babies in my extended family with that name 😫

Tell her you're relieved she's chosen that because you've gone right off it and if you have a girl in future you will 100% definitely be calling her Myrtle. Such an under-used but classic nature name! Won't be another in the class! Honestly you don't know HOW you managed not to think of it before!

I don’t understand what the miscarriage has to do with it? You’re not claiming that because you suffered a miscarriage you have more rights to a baby name? 😵‍💫
I’ve had several miscarriages and hate the thought it’s used as a form of guilt tripping.

anyway this is ridiculous. No one has the rights to a name. She probably didn’t even do it to be bitchy she probably just liked the name

Why tell anyonewhat names you are likely to use? Especially when this SIL has form. Then again, who cares? Use the name you and your husband like, regardless of what the SIL does.

We had my daughter's name chosen after 12 weeks but didn't tell anyone until she was born. I didn't want anyone's opinion on it. Sorry for your loss OP. It is very insensitive of your SIL to choose your name for her child.

Could we please go back to the time when people saw it as a sign of respect when family members reused names?

Me and one of my cousins have the same name.

My sister used the name I would have used for a girl for her daughter so when I had a girl 9 months after she did I used an elongated version of the name I wanted to use as a middle name instead of a first name, I love my niece and her name suits her to a T!

You're right, you can't claim a name but if you really want to use it then... use it?

There has to be something we don't know here. To do such a nasty unkind thing doesn't come out of the blue.
What has your DH
said about it?
Is she your husband's sister or your brother's wife?

People will disagree but I think she's a prick

I’m so sorry for your loss OP
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable but there’s nothing you can do beyond causing tension in the family and I’m sure you will never hold it against the infant so best to just let it go.

Not the same but the day my first granddaughter was born, my SIL told her friend the name and her friend loved it and called her new daughter the same.
My SIL said “I’ll call them A1 and A2”
Me; “you f&cking won’t!!”

I get it. We had many miscarriages before our only son and I still brace myself for people using the ‘girl’ name we had chosen because I feel sad that we never had the big family we expected. I know it’s not reasonable but it still stings

I don’t understand why people do this - announcing a name before a baby has been born seems bonkers to me. My SIL had her first about 8 months before my eldest was born - she knew she was having a girl and what her name would be. We didn’t know the gender of our baby until it was born but thankfully also didn’t like the names she chose for their baby girl. Our second babies were much closer (born within 2 months of each other) and again they knew they were having a girl, and we didn’t know. This time we just got together and quietly discussed names we liked and were relieved none overlapped, but if they had I guess we would have just tried to work it out. A colleague / friend who had a baby just before my second used a name I loved, but now I’m glad as DS’s bestie has that name! Things work out for the best generally.

That's really insensitive of her, particularly after your losses. If I were you I'd come up with another name (but not one you would consider) and declare that it is what you would call a girl. I bet she'll change her mind once she thinks you've changed your mind and the name isn't so hot anymore. She sounds like a nightmare.

You are not being unreasonable. It really winds me up to see that people are telling you that you are being unreasonable because all you are doing is highlighting a serious flaw in your SIL. It’s a control tactic from her side, a pathetic “I’ll get there first” by announcing it early. I’ve seen it firsthand before and IMO these people are always narcs.

You don't have ownership of any name but having said that, she sounds distinctly unpleasant. I wouldn't tell her anything else, not even the time of day.

Myrtle would be better!