To divorce my husband just so I have to spend less time with my baby

[LampLamp]

My husband is a nice bloke, we get on well, we have decent enough sex, we’ve been married for well over a decade and generally plodded along okay. I want to divorce him.

In October I gave birth to our much wanted daughter. She’s lovely but genuinely I’d like to spend a lot less time with her.

I don’t earn enough on my own to keep the household going with all the bills, cars, pets and mortgage but my husband does, so I’m stuck with maternity leave and relentless grizzling, screaming and shit. Honestly all she does is sleep (rarely) or scream.

I am thinking about divorcing him purely to have less time with her. Upon returning to work, I could afford a one bed flat on my own even if I dropped to 3 days a week.
I am aware that sounds extreme but I can’t cope with the yapping, whinging and grizzling for the years to come. I’d happily be a once a weekend parent.

Have you told anyone how hard you are finding it? Do you have any help or support?

Have you spoken to your GP?

The early stages are so tough, do you have any support?

Does your husband know how you feel?

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time OP. My baby was hard work too and I often thought ‘what have I done’.

The good news is, it does improve.

Until then, you need more help and opportunities every day to take a break.

How much is your DH doing? Do you have any other family nearby? Could you afford some help a couple of days a week?

You're not the only one. Frank Skinner saud at one point his girlfriend wanted to leave him just to get a break. I think it's pretty normal to hate each other some of the time. But it gets better (usually).

You know it's OK to go back to work, yes? Why not do that first and see how you feel?

We have no help or support. Our family live a min of 4 hours away and are elderly/useless.
So we are stuck with this for the rest of our lives.

Worst decision I’ve ever made.

It’s quite extreme..

Have you factored in childcare costs?

Divorce is very expensive, you could buy yourself childcare now with that money if you just want a break.

What else is going on with you? PND can bring some quite extreme thoughts.

DH and I discussed getting divorced when DS was a baby purely so we would both get regular breaks. It does get better I promise!

Is your DH pulling his weight? When DH got home from work when I was on maternity he would be handed a screaming baby and was responsible for him until midnight while I went to bed early. Are you alternating lie in at the weekend? Also each take a chunk of weekend for yourselves. Saturday afternoon is your time, Sunday afternoon DHs.

You need to speak to your gp.

I'm not voting on this op, as you're neither right or unreasonable. Does your husband know how unhappy you are? Does he take her on an evening or weekend?

Would you going back to work now be a possibility?

Also, open up a new thread re her screaming - doesn't sound right, possibly a medical thing?

Either way you need a break as you're not thinking straight.

I would urge you to speak to your GP or health visitor about how you are feeling.

How much is your husband doing at the moment? Can you ask him to do more? What do you need to get a bit of a reset? A long walk on your own? Book a massage? Lunch with friends? See if you can arrange some baby free time.

Have you thought about talking to your husband/ health visitor / family or a friend about how you’re feeling ? You’re still very much in the early days and it can feel overwhelming to us all. Maybe you’re needing a little additional support and may have some post natal depression while you can get help with. Please reach out to someone.

You're not stuck with it for the rest of your lives, it does get easier.

Have you spoken to your GP?

You only gave birth two months ago, it could be your hormones making you think less clearly.

Have you told your husband this is how you feel?

I used to think it was the rest of my life too! It really isn’t, it is a few months. DS has been a doddle to parent from 12mo old after being a nightmare baby.

I'm so sorry you are finding it so relentless why don't you return to work sooner? Can look at starting childcare.

You need some time for yourself.

I think it's your GP you need to see not a divorce lawyer.

I know exactly how you feel and I recognise now I was exhausted and unwell.

It does get better. But right now you need GP and at least an hour to yourself every day.

Get her into nursery, and see the GP/HV

So we are stuck with this for the rest of our lives.

She won't be a baby forever. And the screaming stage sounds like a particularly difficult time but it won't last.

My husband is doing loads. He has her every evening from 8:30-12:30.
He does the washing, walks the dogs, cooks dinner. So really I should just have a baby to focus on.

Why does it have to be PND? Why can’t I realise this was a terrible mistake?
If I could give her up for adoption tomorrow I happily would.

Please go see your GP or Health Visitor

In the meantime, please try tell your husband you need time every day to be on your own without the baby. Even if it’s just an hour, get out of the house. Go to the gym, go for a walk, go wander around Tesco, go to a coffee shop and read a book- anything.

It does get better.

Good luck

It's very early days. It will get a lot better. Trust me.
You need support and some time away on the weekends.

I promise it gets better. You sound like you may have some form of PND OP? Have you spoken to health visitor?

It sounds tough OP but divorcing him is quite an extreme reaction. You need to speak to him and healthcare professionals about how you feel.

I get it - it’s unfair that he gets a break at work (and carries on there like nothing happened, no impact on his career.!)

What about returning to work early? You could find a childminder or nursery. Many women go back to work with young children. Remember the childcare costs are split between you, they don’t just come out of your wage. And you need to split drop offs etc and housework 50:50.

You’re not alone. I felt like this for the first couple years of my child’s life. Eventually it got less mind numbingly boring when she got to 3 or so. I highly recommend going back to work as soon as you can!

You will have a child for the rest of your life yes....but you won't have a baby for the rest of your life. She will grow up and things will improve significantly. This is the tough bit but it's temporary. Ending a happy marriage is really extreme.

Can you afford some childcare?