To be sad this is how I found out DS is engaged

[Gladlygracious]

DS is 26, we have a good relationship, his girlfriend is lovely and they have been together for 2.5 years, they make a great couple.
We spent Christmas with them, but they have been saving up and have taken a month of unpaid leave to go to Australia for New Years, a friends wedding and the Australian Open for a month.
This morning DD called me and very excitedly said omg I can't believe DS is engaged. I said what I didn't know. She told me to check his girlfriend's instagram.

He proposed on New Years Eve before the new year came in so at least 22 hours ago. His girlfriend posted on instagram 8 hours ago, 2 separate posts first a post with some pics of them, the ring and a little video of him proposing, then a second post of little videos and pics from the year with the proposal at the end. DS messaged me at midnight UK time so 11 hours ago.
They are at the united cup tennis today so I appreciate they are busy, but he has messaged and she has made 2 instagram posts, DS has shared one of the posts on his story too.

AIBU to be sad this is how I found out and that he didn't tell me or DH directly? Or is this just the modern world?

I think you've got to pay more attention to the time zone. He texted you at midnight, maybe before he proposed? You didn't reply so he assumed you were asleep and waited til you were up! I think it's reasonable they didn't think you'd know about Instagram, they just overlooked your daughter seeing it before they told you. I wouldn't sweat it. It's good news at the end of the day, here or in Oz! Congratulations!

This is good advice, I would ask for the thread to be removed @Gladlygracious . It's just the sort of thing the Daily Mail loves, especially when there are conflicting opinions from posters.

I think you handled it perfectly. They know you found out in an unexpected way and have realised it wasn’t ideal, without it turning into an argument or confrontation with people getting upset. A great outcome.

Ignore the posters trying to extract the maximum drama from this thread. They’re not the ones experiencing it!

So he still hasn't told you? That's not great. My bil method would be oblivious until your ds told you directly.

Yes he has told her 🤦‍♀️

I would also be disappointed. I wonder why he didn't tell you his big news.

But others who have said offer congratulations and be pleased for them are right.

Except the couple did feel bad.

You can litter your posts with “gently” and “kindly” as much as you like, but it doesn’t wash. There’s nothing “gentle” about telling the OP you think she’s probably driven her son to a secret wedding. That sort of comment is designed to create the maximum drama and is a pretty shitty thing to do to the OP, who has been calm and reasoned throughout.

So pleased to see your updates Op and your ds and his df sound lovely.

I think unfortunately this kind of thing happens with social media - it’s hard to keep track of who knows what. All it takes is one person making a mistake / being thoughtless and the ‘wrong’ person knows.

No, it's not my objective. I'm genuinely trying to iron out the contradictions in your posting, as I can't understand them. If there was nothing wrong with posting the proposal on social media before telling their parents, why would the couple feel bad about the sister already knowing about it?

No necessarily. It ensures that they don't prioritise one family over the other, friends finding out before parents etc etc.

It's their engagement. They've a right to do it their way. And to tell people their way.

It's not about anyone else!

I found out the same way when my younger brother got engaged.

Our mum no longer with us, but instead of telling his immediate family, a friend of a friend spotted it on Facebook where they announced it and text me to congratulate me.

They had a minor “Oops!” moment when they realised OP already knew when they’d planned to tell her personally. That’s all. They would have felt a hell of a lot worse had OP confronted them down the line as the drama queens on this thread were pushing for.

What was the alternative in this situation? For the OP to pretend she didn’t know and fake excitement? Even if she’d managed to pull it off - I can spot my mother lying a mile off - what if, five minutes after the call, OP’s daughter had texted her brother saying, “Just to give you a heads up, I let the cat out of the bag after I saw the Insta post, sorry!”? OP’s son would then know she’d lied, which would be way worse.

You’re doing it again, GC. I have repeatedly answered your question but you keep asking it again and again.

You’re either being goady or just can’t accept that sometimes people disagree.

Either way, it’s getting boring now.

I can’t see where anyone has told OP to confront them later down the line?

It was more than an oops moment, the fiancée has said she feels bad, which is a shame on her happy day.

OP had already told them she was happy for them, I doubt there was any faking involved.

Typical selfish youngers. All me me me and Instagram

I think when you get engaged it is about you.

I can’t see where anyone has told OP to confront them later down the line?

You can’t have read many of the posts then.

Fancy their engagement being all about them. Selfish twats.

It was more than an oops moment, the fiancée has said she feels bad, which is a shame on her happy day.

Why do you keep trying so hard to find a negative angle here? Is it just for your own entertainment?

There has been a good outcome here. I’d have thought that was something to celebrate rather than picking it to bits to try to make the OP feel bad again.

He didn’t tell her in the message or at all.

I don’t think it’s a big deal but it seems I’m in a minority.

I mean I’m sure when this gets picked up by the papers as is likely the couple will then know how upset op was.

It's all ended well, so I dont really understand why people are doom mongering.
They have sent her a cat video which is the universal sign that all is well!