Breastfeeding comment

[PregnantAtLast]

I'm currently 2 months pregnant. Shared the good news with parents over Christmas, all lovely.

I told my mum I'd be breastfeeding when she asked. She said "Oh, will you be getting one of those shawls like your cousin had?"
(Basically to cover myself and the baby when I am feeding).

It made me feel really uncomfortable that she expects me to cover myself feeding my child in my own family home.

AIBU to push back on this and insist on feeding how I want to, or do I need to respect her wishes when I'm in her home?

God there are some utterly depressing attitudes to breastfeeding on this thread. I had a summer baby and most of the time I found it looked like this, i.e. loose tops, nothing visible. No need to even bother with "one up one down" most of the time: https://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/php/about/index.html

In winter just sub in a jumper.

I don't think there is anything "disrespectful" about that? Someone would have to be staring pretty determinedly to have a chance of catching any glimpse of your boobs...

I think that's a fair request for when you're in their home
I don't at all. It's purely buying into the mother's attitude that it's something shameful to be hidden away. And not only that but OP should encourage this attitude so much she actually asks to be bought one of those daft covers when she doesn't want one at all? Madness.

And so it starts. You’re only eight weeks in and you’re already finding something to be offended by.

And so it starts. OP is only 8 weeks pregnant and her mother is already finding something to be offended by.

That's easy enough to flip isn't it? One of those people can easily choose to get over it. One of them can choose to make her life more difficult and uncomfortable by trying to balance a big cover while she tries to get to grips with breastfeeding and buys into her mother's hang-ups or she can choose to just make it easy for herself and her baby.

Any chance she's just sounding out whether you'd like a beautiful shawl as a gift?

Are the breasts of a woman feeding a baby ‘disrespectful’ now?

And so it starts. Only eight weeks in and she’s already receiving unsolicited comments. Only eight weeks in and OP’s being made to feel anxious about breastfeeding. Only eight weeks in and OP is being told to prioritise an adult’s weird hang ups over the well-being of a baby that hasn’t even been born yet.

Women start being given shit about motherhood from the moment they conceive. It’s profoundly depressing.

This is possibly one of the most depressing threads I've read on here in ages. So many ridiculous comments about breastfeeding. It's feeding a baby!! Not stealing from pensioners.

I think you (and your mum) are jumping the gun a bit here at only 8 weeks! You don't know how things will progress, how you will feel later in the pregnancy, or if you'll even be able to breastfeed. I would shrug off this sort of thing at this very early stage.

It seems like a very minor thing to fall out over. It's not as if draping a pretty shawl over your shoulder will harm you or the baby.

I sometimes used a shawl in the early days of BF because I was shy and worried about men potentially perving on me but once you get the hang of it very little flesh is actually visible largely because there's a stonking great baby's head in the way.

There is no way I would take myself off to another room to feed - my DC would be on there for ages sometimes and sitting on my own would have been very boring.

Good rule is that you never make people uncomfortable in their own home. DD and DM can sort it out but if it means draping a silky scarf while breastfeeding, that’s what she might decide to do.

This. Don’t meet trouble half way.

Generally a rule to also not make guests uncomfortable either. And shaming someone is definitely breaking that rule.

If we were talking about anything else other than breastfeeding...leaving shoes on or not swearing say, the responses would be 100% that you should follow the rules of the house. It is perfectly reasonable for the op to feed other than in the same room as her parents or with a muslin over her shoulder. BF is great if you can do it but many can't and the fetishising of it as this sacred cow that all else must give way to is OTT.

With breastfeeding you are talking about nourishing a tiny baby. Who may not tolerate things like covers.

You don't think in this instance, people should prioritise their needs?

The mother hasn’t said she’s offended. For all OP knows she could be planning on buying her a shawl or making one. Already she can’t do right for doing wrong.

No one’s fetishising it. That’s a gross thing to say. But it should be normalised. It’s weird to be squeamish about a woman feeding a baby. We should absolutely support women who want to and can breastfeed. Shaming women for it is awful.

BF is great if you can do it but many can't and the fetishising of it as this sacred cow that all else must give way to is OTT.

And this is deeply unhelpful language.

Breastfeeding is really hard to establish in the early days. Feeding outside the home can be a big challenge for mums.

Let's prioritise helping these women and their babies above society's desire to never catch a glimpse of boob ever. Society will cope.

Sure, that's a possibility. But OP is certain that she meant it as an instruction rather than a way of sounding out a possible present and given she also objects to swimwear on the beach it sounds highly likely OP's interpretation is correct.

Well it's hard not to look sometimes. She's talking about when she's in her parents' home not in her own home.

There are ways to discreetly BF without your tits on show. Most women manage this in public locations every day.

Maybe wait until the baby is here and find a way that is comfortable for you that doesn't massively upset your DM.

Just saying, a shawl is a handy thing to have when you're out and about. I wouldn't bother in my own house though and wouldn't over think this?

Actually no it's not. There's nothing more important than a mother feeding her baby how she is comfortable. Anyone who thinks otherwise is part of the problem. I don't care how black and white that sounds because it's true.

Well done OP for growing up without the odd attitudes to bodies and breastfeeding despite your mum. There is plenty of evidence in language used in this thread that many don’t achieve that. My parents and inlaws were squeamish about feeding but it is a very normal thing to do whether it’s a bit of a wrestle with clothes and a newborn or a surreptitious speedy older baby feed and they got used to it. A shawl would have been a god awful addition - more faff all round and you don’t want you baby expecting a certain set of variables per feed. While I support any women in choosing to feed any way she likes the popularisation/commercialisation of breastfeeding shawls represents for me a huge step backwards in the attitudes that suggest it is generally useful.

The main problem with western society is that breasts are still being viewed as predominately sexual. People forget that breasts solely exist to nourish infants. It's quite sick really especially when words like fetishising are being used.