Breastfeeding comment

[PregnantAtLast]

I'm currently 2 months pregnant. Shared the good news with parents over Christmas, all lovely.

I told my mum I'd be breastfeeding when she asked. She said "Oh, will you be getting one of those shawls like your cousin had?"
(Basically to cover myself and the baby when I am feeding).

It made me feel really uncomfortable that she expects me to cover myself feeding my child in my own family home.

AIBU to push back on this and insist on feeding how I want to, or do I need to respect her wishes when I'm in her home?

Yep. I see “Don’t act like such a princess” as a bit like the #BeKind movement - just a really smug way of telling women (who just wanna go about their lives feeding their babies) to STFU and do as they’re told

I’ll ask you in the hope of an answer - should bottle feeding mums pander to the discomfort of the people around them who find it uncomfortable? Should they compromise rather than just be selfish and impose their choice on others? Surely a conversation about why they choose to bottle feed is necessary before they get to feed their baby?

Patronising as well as rude
I'm out

I'm unsure why you describe your parents house as your family home as if you have some sort of entitlement over their house?

But the mum has a ridiculous hang up that’s steeped in sexism and selfishness. Why should a baby pander to that? This is a grown woman. She needs to get a grip

Also we are all partially nude all the time.

A shame you’re leaving before answering the bottle feeding question. Or the face covering question

I can’t understand why people aren’t answering it.

👏🏼 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

I do wonder how these people who don’t want to see their own child’s chest skin cope with the fact they pushed that naked child out their vagina

Feeling rather silly are we?

A stupid statement deserves a stupid response.

If she hasn’t had any experience with breastfeeding she may well not understand that it’s perfectly possible and simple (once you get the hang of it) to feed discreetly without one of those ridiculous feeding shawls. Once they have realised that they can be in the same room as you feeding your baby without getting an eyeful they will probably no longer have a problem with it

Yes, I agree. I don’t know if people talking about seeing only half an inch of skin have breastfed much to be honest. Yes, that’s what you’ll see (if that) when the feeding is established, but latching on can be more difficult especially if baby is very young, or upset or ill etc. Or an older baby can be distracted and interested in what’s going on around them. I have had milk spray across the room on a number of occasions.

It can often be very straightforward too of course.

OP is right, shawls can be a faff. I think it likely OP’s mother doesn’t realise how awkward they can sometimes be. That said I’ve found large muslins to be extremely useful personally, especially when out and about. Multi-functional.

But all I’ve suggested on here is that OP give her mum a heads up when she’s about to latch her baby? Accept her embarrassment regarding even partial nudity. Know that it’s a her problem but accept her and compromise by communicating. Allow her to quietly deal with her discomfort. Give her a chance.

But that’s not allowed either it seems. Better for OP to distance herself!??
I do think people are being very dogmatic.

Yes all discomforts are valid. A home is a private space that no one but the owner/occupant has a right to be in. Its not like a shop or job or public place. You can refuse to have anyone in your home for any reason. Even police have to have permission, a court order or probable cause to enter.

Refusing someone entry because of their race or sex or because they pick their nose is morally reprehensible and a disgusting attitude but still ultimately your right.

If it isn't your home, you respect their wishes or leave.

Oh that's rich!
Coming from someone who labels breastfeeding women 'princesses'

So it would be fine to tell a bottle feeding mother to cover up with a shawl as her baby feeds and it’s on the bottle feeder to compromise?

I mean if that’s how you wanna love your life then fair enough but don’t expect to be making friends and keeping loved ones

As I said, if you're in their house, you follow their rules. However ridiculous those rules may be.

I didn't say I agreed, in fact if you actually look at the post quoting me, I said the opposite. That in public or at home I'd not think twice at seeing g someone breastfeeding. Wouldn't bother me but in someone else's home you do have to respect their wishes or leave.

Then those people need to reevaluate their priorities.

Agreed. I'd not let squeamishness come between family but some people would. Its up to them. Their house, their relationship to ruin.

I mean I don’t treat my home like some weird dictatorship nor the people I love like total shit, because I’m not a narcissist or a twat, but I guess it’s good to know that some people do behave that way. I’ll try look out for them. But at least it’s about homes and not BFing!

I’m not sure many people like this exist? Are people really that weird?

I've never met one myself but mumsnet seems to have plenty! It's quite something ro behold.

Spend a few years working hospitality or retail. You'll never again ask that question. Some people are fucking nuts.

I once had a customer on the phone asking a time for her installer to arrive. I called him on my mobile to check and said to him 'can you give this lady a call when you leave your current job just so she knows you're on your way?' Yes, no problem.

Picked up the store phone to relay this to my customer and she shrieked down the phone at me 'how dare you call me SHE! You don't refer to people as SHE! And he won't be using his mobile phone in MY house to call someone else! They can wait. I'M the customer, he should be paying attentionto my job.'

I warned him she was crazy and not to get his phone out till he left. There is literally no point reasoning with people like that. They think you're the weird one and their batshitness is normal.

So many people have really weird views about breastfeeding. Some on this thread need therapy frankly.

no wonder the UK has the worst bf rates in the whole world when there are so many backward and perverted opinions about feeding a baby to contend with.

Indeed, I wonder if it’s princessy to be “sickened” because someone doesn’t agree with you 🤣

Are you sure she wasn't asking as she was thinking she'd like to buy you one?

It's like some kind of mass psychosis.