Breastfeeding comment

[PregnantAtLast]

I'm currently 2 months pregnant. Shared the good news with parents over Christmas, all lovely.

I told my mum I'd be breastfeeding when she asked. She said "Oh, will you be getting one of those shawls like your cousin had?"
(Basically to cover myself and the baby when I am feeding).

It made me feel really uncomfortable that she expects me to cover myself feeding my child in my own family home.

AIBU to push back on this and insist on feeding how I want to, or do I need to respect her wishes when I'm in her home?

We're going round in circles here.
No one is saying you shouldn't feed your baby.
To be clear, I would have no issues with anyone breastfeeding in my home.
But I think everyone should show respect to others, and in this scenario, the mother's sensibilities cone first as is her home.
I don't know know whether it's an age thing, but the idea of deliberately making someone uneasy in their own home when it is so unnecessary is an alien concept to me.

But I think everyone should show respect to others, and in this scenario, the mother's sensibilities cone first as is her home.

Personally I cannot fathom why anyone would think anything comes ahead of the baby's need to be nourished here.

Ultimately the OP will not feel that her and her baby are welcome in her mother's house. And that's says.

We are going round in circles I agree.

Nobody is deliberately making someone else uncomfortable. They are simply feeding their baby. There is no reason for that to make someone else uncomfortable unless they choose for it too. That person is the one from the "it's all about me" generation if you want to insist it's generational. The one that says "my discomfort at this completely normal thing should take precedence".

The mothers sensibilities come last, as she is the most mobile of all involved and least in need of comfort. Breastfeeding mother and baby have absolute priority

Utter rubbish.
That is a 'her' problem if she can't bear something completely natural and essential for survival.
If my mother said that to me I wouldn't be visiting at all.

I think we are straying back into all new mothers are princesses territory again.
The mother in this situation is probably about my age I am guessing?
I think the difference is that my generation tended to just get on with it and tried to make things as easy as possible for everyone, whereas this generation is much more centered on themselves, their wants and needs, and seem to think that the act of having a baby bestows some special status on them.
I will repeat once more, then bow out as I am struggling to understand the uncompromising me-first attitude dressed up as advocating for your child on here.
The idea of going onto someone's home and deliberately doing something you know makes the householder uncomfortable is just wrong, regardless of how right you think you are.
All those arguing for this attitude may think they are doing bfeeding mothers a favour and advocating for them, but as a pp said, most reasonable people are backing away.

Because you're still seeing just getting on with feeding the baby as a deliberately act of defiant disrespect. I still don't think it's generational but if it is then my mother would also be of the generation that just "got on with it" as you say without fussing about covering up.

The mother just wanting to feed her baby in the simplest way is the one getting on with it. The grandmother expecting people to pander to her is the one centering herself and expecting special treatment.

What an awful attitude. Breastfeeding mothers are just trying to care for their baby's. How awful that society doesn't support them in that and wants to paint them as 'princesses'

Disgusting isn't it. And these people think they are so right!

There's something so misogynistic about it. As if a woman feeding her baby is acting like a diva. When in reality, feeding is such a selfless thing. Very sad to see.

@Cappuccinowithonesugarplease and @TheKeatingFive I agree with you both. I find it so sad and regressive that the ordinary act of breastfeeding is being seen as being a diva or a princess. It’s hard enough for many women without other women or society in general taking such a dim view of it.

All I can say to any lurkers or to OP if she’s now wondering whether it’s too much hassle to breastfeed at all is that thankfully, I didn’t encounter much of this attitude in real life while breastfeeding.

As I suggested earlier I just think OP and her mum should talk about it with OP explaining that nothing is visible while she’s actually feeding. Latching on can be more tricky with a small baby who’s not used to it and it can be difficult to avoid having a breast out then sometimes. So I suggested she just tell her mum when she was about to initiate breastfeeding so mum could busy herself elsewhere for a few mins or look away. I think the whole process will become more normalised for them given time.

But even that small compromise (communication) didn’t satisfy some posters. OP’s mum must toe the line or else lose her daughter/grandchild. I can’t understand how they think that a better outcome?

You were lucky. Many people where I was were uncomfortable with breastfeeding in public. But a bit of consideration on both sides and it all worked out fine. I think it’s important to point out that, in the vast majority of cases, people weren’t offended as they are accused of being on here. What they were was embarrassed. It was a new situation for many of them. I hope my children see breastfeeding as utterly natural now and that that attitude will spread. But we’re not there yet.

If you decide you can't ever bear a glimpse of breast, then you are saying a baby can't be fed in your vicinity.

OP’s mum didn’t say that at all though. What she essentially said was ‘please be discreet’. That makes OP uncomfortable (and I completely understand why) but don’t pretend her mum actually wants to alienate her. On the contrary, she seems very excited and, in general, helpful regarding the new baby. She’s embarrassed around even partial nudity though.

Communication is key here and I’m sure they can work it out.

Yes. Well done you got there in the end <pats head>

Be abuse, and here’s the important part…it’s not their body or their right to choose that

The same way if a woman wants an abortion that’s fine and valid but if someone wants to impose abortion on a woman they’re a weirdo / misogynist/ thicko / halfwit etc.

Seriously I can’t believe grown adults are grappling with the concept of “my body my choice” in 2025. Of course it’s different when someone else wants to control you as opposed to wanting to control yourself!

Exactly

I can’t believe these adult using the language of a particularly stupid teenager aren’t completely embarrassed for themselves. They should be

Does that count for all preferences no matter how unkind or ridiculous or obstructive? Would you for example go to someone’s house and cover your face if they didn’t like the look of you? It’s their house afterall

I'm out. Not announcing it, just to clarify in case I get accused of 'not coming back'.
The twisting of the original OP and the weaponising of bfeeding, complete with the namecalling and the utter lack of consideration for anyone else sickens me tbh.
I will leave you to your echo chamber. All the reasonable posters have left now, which kind of defeats your mission.

I agree with PP that I just don’t think some people know what BF looks like. I remember someone telling me to BF in front of a mirror to see what I looked like, I used the two top method mostly and I was so surprised as to how much it just looked like baby having a cuddle. Even DH would say “are you feeding or cuddling?”
So this silly image of “norms out” and “a woman was topless in Starbucks” (if you say so dear) is beyond ridiculous and probably wildly exaggerated in people’s minds

Of course it’s do with misogyny. Be kid yourselr

Why should a feeding baby compromise? What is disregarding about feeding a baby? If you were bottle feeding and told to cover your baby or going another room because the homeowner found it offensive, would you think “fair enough, they’re entitled to their discomfort” or would you find that rather insulting?

And I’m it trying to persuade anyone I’m calling out the misogynists and idiots, because they deserve to be. Offended by breastfeeding - pathetic and childish. It deserves to be called out. Especially when people claim it has nothing to do with sexism

@Katypp I think the difference is that my generation tended to just get on with it and tried to make things as easy as possible for everyone, whereas this generation is much more centered on themselves, their wants and needs, and seem to think that the act of having a baby bestows some special status on them.
I will repeat once more, then bow out as I am struggling to understand the uncompromising me-first attitude dressed up as advocating for your child on here.

Cultures change. Breastfeeding publicly reduces stigma and normalises it. Which in turn helps to increase breastfeeding rates, which is a good thing. Honestly if you're frightened of seeing half an inch of your own daughter's boob, that's a bit pathetic.

As for a generation that's centred on itself, intergenerational unfairness is well documented and it's older generations who are benefitting. We're paying your pension and healthcare costs, our extortionate housing costs are propping up your unearned wealth, people work more and spend less on frivolous things like booze than before. And I don't see what's self-centred about feeding your baby.

Practically speaking, babies often drop off after a feed so if you're going into private to feed, you'll be there a long time or you'll wake the baby if you move. What's the point of visiting someone if that happens?

So if they were uncomfortable with bottle feeding, or your face, or your trousers, would you oblige them by doing something about it? Genuine question. I’m trying to figure out if this thing about “other people’s homes counts for every scenario or just the ones you’re offended by. (Royal you’re!)

I think people don't understand the pressure that 'be discreet' puts on new mums. Some people are going to find it harder to be discreet than others.

Poor latching, fast letdowns, large breasts, distracted babies - all lead to less discreet breastfeeding, but none of that is the mum's control. Breastfeeding shouldn't be only for those who can do it 'perfectly'.

I don't think it's too much to ask society to put the needs of a newborn baby above their own and just quietly deal with whatever discomfort they feel seeing women's breasts being used for their original purpose.

And that’s fine if that’s your opinion but where would you draw the line?

Personally my home isn’t my own personal dictatorship and I’d never be so rude as to stop someone from doing something innocuous unless it was setting fire to things or kicking me in the shins, or similar

I guess what I’m trying to say is: is this an issues that “my house my rules” trumps EVERYTHING no matter what the subject or discomfort, is it actually, like I suspect, just about breastfeeding and how unteasonable it apparently is to do in front of people?

But the OP DOES want to just “get on with it”. The “getting on with it” part is feeding your baby when you’re hungry. Out did “your generation” have some special power that made you do things differently?