Breastfeeding comment

[PregnantAtLast]

I'm currently 2 months pregnant. Shared the good news with parents over Christmas, all lovely.

I told my mum I'd be breastfeeding when she asked. She said "Oh, will you be getting one of those shawls like your cousin had?"
(Basically to cover myself and the baby when I am feeding).

It made me feel really uncomfortable that she expects me to cover myself feeding my child in my own family home.

AIBU to push back on this and insist on feeding how I want to, or do I need to respect her wishes when I'm in her home?

Oh good! Mental health jokes.

Okay, so what is your issue with me saying that woman have a choice whether they want to breastfeed with a cover or not?

If you would be happy for your daughter to cover up if she chose too then we were in agreement along weren’t we?

@Strawberrysaucee

so you feel it’s unacceptable to be tolerant of someone who doesn’t want to see breasts out feeding

so in effect it’s you being intolerant of another persons wishes

there is a compromise here, however you dont seem able to see that.

Has a klaxon sounded or spent it ?

can I ask - where do you draw the line? Are ALL discomforts valid as long as the person is in their own home? What about if they didn’t like the face of a visitor and it made them uncomfortable? Is that discomfort valid?

Also how do you cope on a beach or at the swimming pool if you don’t like breasts/breast areas on show? Can’t you just look away (or perhaps get a grip)?

But that’s not what you said that I have an issue with. As well you know. It’s the nonsense about “tits” and pearl clutching over breastfeeding in public and saying people have a right to insist women don’t do it

You said ALL discomforts should be respected and haven’t answered questions when challenge. What happens when two opposing discomforts meet?

@ShesNotACowShesAFox

You sound so intolerant of anyone who has a different view to you. I don’t go to the beach very often as I live well inland, in the swimming pools I use we use swimming costumes, dont know of any that allow topless swimming.

in the ops case her mother has suggested a compromise which the op should consider, and you need to look closely at your intolerant attitude to others who have different beliefs to you on the matter

perhaps you need t9 get a grip on that

OK, so Person A doesn’t like BF in public. Person B wants to BF in public and doesn’t like people who are opposed to this being around her. Person C, the baby, is just hungry.

Who wins?

Do you see how the “Every discomfort is valid” argument is rather silly?

How on earth have you leapt to that? That poster didn't even say she breastfed herself. She said she didn't understand why anyone would want to sit in a room of women with their tits out.

That read like one person uncomfortable in a room full of other women all with their tits out. It was badly written but may have actually meant to mean one woman with her tits out in a room full of other people. Which makes the Stringfellows analogy less relevant.

Regardless, I've made no such criticism at all. It makes me sad that anyone feels they have to cover up but I have also said that's up to them. I do think saying "tits out" is utterly childish and remains a completely inaccurate description of nearly all breastfeeding.

@ShesNotACowShesAFox

its called compromise, you use a cover

I’m intolerant of misogynists. So sue me.

So do all the men at your local pool wear women’s swimming costumes?? What about low cut tops - how do you cope with them?

And no the OP shouldn’t consider a comprise. No one should have tk pander to sexists. Why can’t the companies be “Mum gets over it or looks away”? It’s why from the beginning I’ve said OP should avoid her mum’s house and make it clear that if she comes to her she will be BFing.

That's not a compromise. It's a complete pandering to a ridiculous hang-up.

Person B and C don’t want to.

what if someone wanted you to cover your face because it offends them? What’s the compromise then? Genuine question.

And actually BF in public is protected by law, so person A will probably just have to grow the fuck up or leave.

She can feed how she likes…

You have just been telling @satsumaqueen that she’s a misogynist because she has different views on how to breastfeed to you!

oh I'm not joking, I am being completely serious. I genuinely find it rather concerning that anyone would be so offended by someone breastfeeding

No she’s a misogynist because she thinks women should cover up BFing. It’s really quite simple. Don you find I funny that nobody ever demands hands are covered because it makes people uncomfortable?

I agree. Either you’ve been raised in a weird household, ate alarmingly susceptible to marketing and social messaging or hate a subsection of humans. It’s not normal

you are right, I am intolerant of this attitude to breast feeding, I am glad that is evident. I genuinely find it ridiculous

Would people object to people being intolerant to racism, homophobia, ableism etc or is it just sexism you object people speaking out against?

I am perfectly capable of telling her how I feel in no uncertain terms (and have had to over the years, many times!) but I want to know people's opinions on whether they would respect parents' wishes on something like this when in their home
Does it matter what other people would do. Some would, some wouldn't, you know that. You say you are capable in telling her what your feelings are so crack on.

Or if people aren’t happy with these analogies how about this one…

A formula feeding woman goes to her mum’s house. Mum doesn’t agree with Formula feeding and asks her not to, or to go in another room or cover up. The mum’s feelings should be respected, right? Her discomfort should be respected right @satsumaqueen? Those are her boundaries afterall. And if you don’t like then it would be very unreasonable to express that because you can’t ride “horse and can’t over relationships”…right?

You're overthinking it. It was likely just a passing comment. Feed how you want.

She did say she breastfed.

Again I would really insist that you calm yourself down a bit and go back and read what I have said. Your arguing with alot of people on here so I think you are in a bit of a fight or flight state and misunderstanding what people are saying and then trying to insult people by calling them things that you clearly don’t understand the definition of.

‘Tits’ is a word, get over yourself. I didn’t realise we all had to speak like the royal family.

I never once said people had the right to insist women didn’t breastfeed in public so think you have me confused with someone else there.

Yes all discomforts should be respected and if you read my posts I also said that everyone has a choice. If someone doesn’t feel comfortable with someone breastfeeding without a cover on in their house, they have the right to ask that person to cover up. If the person who is breastfeeding isn’t comfortable with that, they have the right to not go round or to find another solution they are both comfortable with.

And you really haven’t asked me any questions at all in any of your replies apart from that last one about conflicting opinions meeting. All you’ve done is made it personal and insult me by calling me a 13 year old boy, a bad mother and a misogynist, along with everyone else on here because you didn’t agree with my opinion.

I feel like the way you are getting so worked up about this is quite unhealthy, and although I do like a debate with people who share different views to me, I don’t think me responding to you anymore is the right thing to do anymore.

So?

I’m on the other side of the fence to most people. I have no issues with breast feeding what so ever, I just don’t understand why anyone would want sit in a room full of people whether you know them or not with their tits out.
That doesn't say she breastfed. If she said so in another post then I'm not cross referencing every poster. I was responding to that post. Where there is no mention of that poster's own experience other than in the hypothetical. And was badly phrased to sound like it was a whole room of women with their "tits out".