To go off sick? Would you in this situation?

[Bhuwilo]

I’m exhausted. That’s it really. Have a toddler and dh works away in the week. I despise the nursery run as I also work full time and the whole process of getting dd ready etc and in the car is exhausting. I used to love my career. I just want a few weeks off. I don’t mean annual leave (can’t do that as don’t have enough) but I mean a few weeks off trying to meet everyone’s needs but my own. A few weeks of dropping dd then focusing on myself. I’m so burnt out. Is this reasonable? Have you done it or would you?

Would you be so proud of not taking time off with a broken leg? Or pneumonia?

But a broken leg is a bit different. Take a month off, bone heals, problem solved.

But OP takes a week off sick, then back to work and she is back with same issues. She needs to look at long term solutions by modifying her work pattern/DH changing his/alternative childcare options etc.

Good point, I would need to take time off for those . I was admitted to hospital for 6 days and was extremely appreciate of my employer's sickness policy. I was being paid and didn't have to worry about mortgage not being paid

Thank you

Unless of course there's an underlying but treatable condition.

Have you made a gp appt yet @Bhuwilo?

You are once again trying to play the victim in this .

let me be clear as a Lp . I have been financially responsible for my Ds .. been the only one who can take sick time , collect my Ds if unwell take him to all appointments ( mine has Sn’s so there were many) I have one set of a/l to cover all school holidays . I have no emotional support.. I got to go out maybe once a year up until he was about 7. 50/50 is not as common as you think.

You have financial support - 2 sets of annual leave support to spend with Dc. Emotional support when Dh is away ..

you at no point seem to address that if you can’t cope with working f/T raising a child that D/h works away in the week.

What do you think two weeks off work will change ?

if you are at the point of breaking then maybe you or dh need to make a plan .

YABVU. This is a you and your DH problem to solve, and taking a week off sick won’t actually address the issue and you’ll be no further forward.

This is not your employer’s problem, and it’s not for your colleagues to pick up the slack for you when you clearly don’t intent to address the actual problem that you can’t cope with your current home set up. In my team we have one lone parent recently bereaved, one with a frail parent who lives 4 hours away, one with 2 disabled DC and a DH who works shifts, one who has 2 ND DC and a parent with dementia. If you were in my team, which of those people should have to cover your work because you can’t cope with your home set up and don’t want to ‘waste’ your annual leave?

Your home set up doesn’t work for you and you need to address that. Otherwise what are you going to do when your DC goes to school and you have to do drop off and pick up and cover 12 weeks of school holidays with your 5 weeks of annual leave and a DH who isn’t around? Go off sick 7 weeks a year?

No. Not necessarily. I’ve had time off for mental health issues. A break allows you to reevaluate and make some changes rationally. Or don’t you think anyone should be allowed time off for mental health issues?

This. Your DH needs a new job or to pay for help.

This.

The OP has made a number of things clear.

They are not sick, they are tired. People don't get to vclaim they are sick because they are tired. Being tired is not a mental health problem. Being a parent working full time with a husband working away is not a mental health problem.

They don't think they should have to use holidays because they'd like to keep that for more imprtant stuff than resting. Although they actually get a lot more holiday than many people do.

They have no intention whatsoever of making any changes to their lifestyle, so they could take a year off and nothing will change.

There is something special about them that means that absolutely nobody, and especially not single parents, has ever been tired before - it's just the OP who gets to feel that way.

On a positive note they have no loyalty at all to their employer or the people that they work with, which is great because they may find that if they keep this up they won't have an employer or people that they work with.

Didn’t she say burnt out rather than tired? If so the rest is irrelevant.

Burnt out is not a term of art. I have an intense job and could easily describe myself as 'burnt out' but I am not pulling sickies to cope.

I went part time when the dcs were young. I also changed careers in mid-life to get a better work-life balance. It is what responsible grown ups do.

Term of art?
It’s a term of mental health. I burnt out. Went off sick. Accepted voluntary redundancy. Got another job. Did it fine.

But OP doesn’t sound like she’s willing to make any changes to change the situation therefore even if she is burnt out a few weeks off isn’t going to change that. She needs to change something and her husband needs to be there rather than away working. If she’s that burnt out/unwell why isn’t he helping to fix things?

I changed jobs, but to another in the same field - secondary teaching. And then went into the pandemic having to reinvent teaching from the ground up, doing recorded and live lessons. Sometimes it doesn’t need changes, just recuperation - as with physical injury/illness.

What I meant is that it is thrown around casually and is not a diagnosis.

"Went off sick"? Everything else is fine.

As someone who endured a breakdown and the anxiety and panic attacks that came with it and as someone who has never been the same since I would say yes do it before you reach that point. However, use that time to rest and make a good plan for the future to change your circumstances to actually make the changes necessary to prevent actual burn out. For me that entailed leaving my work and moving to a different part of the country for you it may simply be working out different child care plans or working out a different routine for you (and maybe partner too) if you literally just use that time to have a bath and nap or go shopping as if you're on annual leave you're just going to continually find yourself in the same boat.

No idea what you mean by this.
Burn out is a recognised condition. If someone sees a GP and is signed off sick with it, they are ill. It doesn’t mean they will never cope with the same job again.

@Bhuwilo

Not sure why so many people are being so unkind. Yes I feel overwhelmed never having a moment to myself all week while also working. Having free time at the weekend doesn’t make up for it. By the time I start work at 9am I’ve been up a few hours and changed nappies, made breakfasts, cleared up, struggled with getting her dressed and into the car. I just want it to stop for a bit.

Well it was like that for me & just think you need to crack on. It’s not your colleagues job to cover for you to have some down time. You need to get that support from DH & possibly family if you have any nearby.

You need to consider either you or DH going part time or getting in paid help - cleaner or nanny during the week?

Was on your side till this. You do not have it worse than a single parent

Instead of going off sick, have you thought of using just 1 week’s worth of annual leave to take off one day a week for the next 5 weeks to see if going down to a 4 day week may help resolve the exhaustion without having to commit to it until you know if it would help? I would recommend a Monday - you can use it to get yourself ahead for the week - e.g batch cook meals, prep nursery bags etc, plus you never get that Monday morning blues feeling and may feel more mentally ready for the remaining 4 days ahead and 4 days on, 3 days off is a much more even balance. Or maybe a Wednesday would help break the week up for you and give you some breathing space midway through it?

Sorry I think I sounded a bit harsh - the answer is that no I did not ever do that. But if you feel completely depleted then maybe it's best to have a reset. I think it might depend on your job - I teach & you have to set cover so it’s easier all round to go in. But maybe they can easily cover you. The older I am the more I think that work wouldn't think twice if they wanted to get rid of you. So maybe we need to look after ourselves as a priority?

It sounds like you just want a break, that is what annual leave is for not sick leave bc you are clearly not sick.

Where did i say that?
I said that if taking the time off there needs to be a clear plan to use this time to make changes which will help longer term. But OP does not seem willing to make any changes?